Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Lies, Lies, Everywhere are Lies

I've been lying to my children since before they could understand words. Case in point: Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny. Many parents do not indulge in this practice and Mr. Farklepants is one such person who did not want to perpetuate these tall tales to our own children. But he indulged me and let me have my fun. I have led my children to believe that the aforementioned mythical characters do exist. And it's been a fun ride. My boys are a little older and wiser and certainly wise to their mother. Boy-Child#1 told me point blank while we were out doing some last minute Christmas shopping when he was about eleven, and I quote, "Mom, I don't believe in Santa Claus". End quote. Which, I wasn't surprised. I mean, he was eleven and I assumed he didn't really buy the whole charade anymore but neither of us had brought it up, because, why bother? He had enjoyed it and was excited to help keep up pretenses for his younger brother and sister.

Boy-Child#2 came to me just before Easter the year he was about eight and straight up confessed that the whole Easter Bunny thing just made zero sense. A bunny? Comes into your house and hides eggs? What? He quickly put two and two together and realized that the Tooth Fairy didn't exist either but he wasn't exactly kicking his dollar he received for each tooth out of bed either. With those two figured out he came to the next logical conclusion about Santa. That doesn't stop him from expecting a gift from that big, fat lie, mind you. He enjoys the tradition.

Girl-Child, however, is still a firm believer in all of the above. She's seven and still innocent, and believe you me, once she fell in love with Justin Bieber, I was worried that it was all over. (side note: DAMN YOU JUSTIN BIEBER!!!) But I fear that the magic that is Santa Claus will soon come to an end. Because? CARPOOL. (side note: DAMN YOU CARPOOL!!!). One little girl took it upon herself today to ask Girl-Child if she believed in Santa. I understand kids are kids and if they're hip to a secret then they want to share what they know. This knowledge of the psychology of children did not stop me from becoming instantly hot and sweaty and all eyes-darty, trying to read my daughter's face and simultaneously turn up the Kids Bop 18 and try desperately to change the subject because the next words that were coming out of that little girl's mouth were that A) She didn't believe, and B) something about parents. Honestly, I don't know exactly because I was too busy trying to start a conversation with Girl-Child about who is it that is singing the song currently playing PLEASE PAY ATTENTION ONLY TO MEEEEEEE!!!

I don't know what in the Sam hill I'm going to do tomorrow if the subject is revisited.

13 comments:

JoeinVegas said...

Aaa ha. Sorry your kids are losing their innocence. But really, Justin B?

MommyTime said...

My son (6 1/2) has calmly commented to me that he doesn't think Santa Claus is real, but he seems quite purposefully to resist following up that little nugget of belief system with any kind of question or additional commentary designed to get me to confirm or deny that suspicion. So we tacitly agree to say nothing.

Hula Girl at Heart said...

Wait 'til their seven and the conversation in the back on the van turns to sex. I'd recommend wearing your seatbelt to protect you when you drive off the road and hit a tree.

Hula Girl at Heart said...

Oops, I mean "seventeen". I haven't had a Diet Coke yet.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Do what I did--suddenly slam on your brakes and swerve--"DID YOU SEE THAT DEER IN THE ROAD???"

Stu said...

I don't quite know if the kids (10 and 12) really believe in any of the Holy Trinity of Gift Givers, but they are not bucking a system that gives them presents.

It is sort of like when they hear 'those noises' coming from our bedroom; if they ask, I'm going to tell them the truth, and they don't really want to know the answer...

Jennifer said...

I'm a lyin' liar, too. My daughter is 9 and lost another tooth this week - and she still believes in the Tooth Fairy. But she did want to know the Tooth Fairy's real name.

Me: .....

The Girl Next Door said...

My daughter will be 18 next week and is in college. She still plays along because she gets better gifts. She obviously KNOWS the "truth" - but seriously? Santa lives in all of us. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

And yeah, swerving the car to avoid a deer - great idea!

cactus petunia said...

Mythical characters? Lies??? (Fingers in ears) LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Next thing you know you're gonna tell us your name isn't really Tootsie Farklepants!

Rachel said...

My two both figured found the "truth" near the holidays. Daughter #1 asked me on Christmas Eve one year. I told her, because she wanted to know, but said "Don't tell grandma, she still believes" Gotta keep the dream alive somehow!

JCK said...

Oh, I know... I want to hold on to this time. Both of mine are 6 now and I live in fear of older children. It's so much fun... I hope your girl had her ears closed from your tuneful Pay Attention To Only Me song. :)

1blueshi1 said...

Come back, Tootsie~come back!!! As a special Christmas present that costs you nothing (well, except your time) and requires a trip to no stores (I've been to Publix, the Sprint store, Kmart, AND Walmart today...and the library, too), please come back and write a blog entry!!!!! Anything.

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