Ten dollar Starbucks gift card to the funniest caption for this photo!
I almost hate to muck this up with any commentary. I mean, seriously, it almost doesn't even need words.
The comment that makes me laugh the hardest is the winner because it's my blog and I say so.
**Edited to add: Yes it is a REAL photo from this photo stream on Yahoo In case there was any doubt.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Ten dollar Starbucks gift card to the funniest caption for this photo!
Monday, September 22, 2008
I made you wait a whole weekend but the time is here. Our winners for the giveaway! I hope the suspense didn't keep you from important tasks like spending quality family time together, tackling that pile of laundry, or doing something about that stubborn hard water stain that has taken up residence in your toilet--or is that just me? Not to tarnish my reputation as an extremely lazy person, I once again typed, in lieu of handwriting, each individual entrants name into Word and printed out the substantial listssss.
Then I had to do some physical labor and take scissor to paper and cut them into equal parts. And oh the folding! And the tossing into the more than adequate bowl that pulled a Brett Favre and was all, retire who?
Then I had to pull Mr. Farklepants away from his important duties that included applying WD40 on the hinges of the kitchen cabinets and also testing the spaghetti sauce simmering for dinner. I should let you know up front that there are two winners and no one won the gift of scorn [i.e. winning both gift cards]...Without further ado, the winner of the $25 Shell Gas Card is:
Congratulations Kathy in Alabama! I'm happy to give you gas.
The winner of the $25 Starbucks gift card is:
And a hearty congratulations to you, Collette! Your name is very French, no? Enjoy your coffee! Or should I say...appréciez votre café...oui?
Please email your contact information to me ladies at tootsiefarklepants(at)yahoo.com and I will promptly send you your winnings!
Thank you everyone for participating! It could be another year before the next giveaway because, I'm tired y'all.
P.S. It wasn't until composing this post that I realized a glaring typo in the rules of the contest which stated that I would be announcing the winners on Monday, September 21st. Which doesn't exist [at least not this year]. I meant Monday. Monday the 22nd. That Monday. I'm dumb.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Today is a birthday of sorts. One year ago, on this day, Vintage Thirty was born. And oh how she's grown! And been Stumbled and Kirtsy-ed! The response to my blog over the past year is utterly and overwhelmingly flattering. Many topics have been discussed here and we've bonded over: Tampons, Beowulf, Self-Check Out Lanes, and one of the most popular posts which garnered the most comments because you guys are not even kidding about - After Game Snacks. You know, serious issues - where serious means: not at all.
[Brief digression: Regarding the after game snacks. Last Saturday was my turn on the soccer snack roster and I provided raisin snack packs and orange juice boxes. One mother returned to me and handed over the THREE boxes of raisins (you know for the player and his two siblings) stating "here, my children won't eat these" with what can only be described as contempt. What have you got against the raisin? They're just grapes and sunshine! Natures candy! Did I mention sunshine?]
You all. Are. Fabulous. Words cannot express how grateful I am that approximately eleventy-quadruple-hundred of you visit daily; whatever your reason for doing so, I want to extend my heartfelt gratitude. And what better way to do that than with
buying your affection presents! And not just something you'll stick on a shelf and say "oh, that's nice". This is gas people! Liquid gold! And hopefully there is a Shell gas station near you so that you can use this $25 gift card!
The rules are the same as my one and only other giveaway.
- Leave a comment. Anything you want to say
tell me I'm prettyby Friday, September 19th at 11:59pm
- You can leave as many comments
telling me I'm prettyas you want but your name will only count once.
- I will write each name on a slip of paper.
- I will put those names into the more than adequate bowl.
- Mr. Farklepants will draw the name and that person will win!
- I will announce the winner on Monday, September 21st.
- That person will email me with their contact information and I will send them the gift card.
- The winner will fill up a quarter of their tank with the super fantastic gas card.
Friday, May 23, 2008
It's official. You all are not even kidding about chocolate and/or free stuff. Over one hundred of you submitted your names for the chance to receive a gift certificate for one pound of See's Candy. Before we get started I would like to answer Anglophilefootballfanatic's burning question: "You're that close to Ghirardelli people and you like See's? Hmm." The answer to that is: When Ghirardelli grows up it wants to be See's Candy. - and WHO is still following along?
In an effort to stave off a crippling case of writer's cramp, I chose to type each name in Word in traditional Times New Roman font, size 22 so that all things were even Steven. All of the names submitted were included except for those who specifically asked to be removed. Madame Queen and Shania, I took you at your word. Even though he left a comment, Mr. Farklepants' name was also not included in the drawing for 2 reasons: A) I'm only giving away one of the two gift certificates that I have, which means we already have one, and B) He doesn't care for See's Candy. He says it's too sweet but I say that there is something fundamentally wrong with him. - and WHO is skimming ahead to see who won? Take one giant step forward.
With all of these names I thought, "I'm gonna need a bigger bowl".
And then I overcompensated.
And then I asked Mr. Farklepants to hold the bowl thusly so that I could take a picture. To which he
sighed and rolled his eyes obliged. Then I assured him I would only capture his manhood midsection [making bobbing for names out of the question]. And then with a tremendous amount of mocking enthusiasm he inquired, "shall we do this"?
And also, "Are we done yet"?
And then, "Do you know this person"? Yes! Yes, I do. Congratulations Melissa of Green Girl in Wisconsin! Please email your address to me at tootsiefarklepants(at)yahoo(dot)com and in a few short days you will be the proud owner of a gift certificate that you can use to order your orgasm on the See's Candies website. -Who says you can't get everything on the Internet?
Thanks for playing, Readers! We'll have to do this again sometime!
Monday, May 19, 2008
We get gift cards, as gifts from others, a lot. So much so, that we have an entire drawer dedicated to gift cards for restaurants, theaters, retail stores, and more. Giving a gift card is about the laziest gesture a person can make. I understand that everyone has got those one or two people in their life
Mr. Farklepants that are impossible to buy for my dad, but overwhelmingly, and let's be honest, the reason for giving a gift card is because either a) you waited until the last minute, b) it's easier to ship, or c) you procrastinated about trying to figure out a gift. I include myself in this group because I have done it countless times. But you have got to be some kind of lazy to give a gift card to a child under seven years old. You couldn't find an easier demographic to shop for. This age group is the easiest to please. You screw up when you try to go big with the gift; to give THE gift. This is not the group to do that with. They don't care about grand sweeping gestures. The younger kids are happy with a package of Hot Wheels cars or Pokemon cards. And give a five year old or younger some sidewalk chalk or even better, BUBBLES! Ohmyeffinggod! BUBBLES! You know it's true too! Bubbles will make a child lose their mind! To a child it's like their reason to live found its way through that wand. A child that young does not need a $50 gift card from Toy's R Us.
So, while we're on the subject of gift cards: a few months ago my niece was participating in a fundraiser for her college cross country team and I bought two gift certificates each for a one pound box of See's Candy.
(see how easily it turns a cheesy brass platter into supreme fanciness?)
I don't know if you've ever had See's Candy because it is primarily a West Coast thing and I think their stores go only as far east as Colorado but believe me when I tell you it's the best candy ever to be made in the history of forever. It is fucking delicious. And I'm giving one of these gift certificates for a one pound box of See's Candy away to one of you! It can also be used on their website for those of you who live in an inferior city** and aren't near a store.
- Leave a comment on this post by Thursday, May 22nd at 11:59pm (pst)
- You can leave as many comments as you want but your name will only count once
- I will write each name on a slip of paper
- I will put those names into a bowl or hat or some kind of holding device
- Mr. Farklepants will draw the name and that person will win
- I will announce the winner on Friday, May 23rd and that person will email their address to me and prepare to have their mind blown.
- I will send them the gift card for the super delicious candy.
- And that person will have an orgasm (this could be you!!)
- Best contest ever
**I'm totally joking about the "inferior city". Please consider this when composing your comment and/or your hate mail