Monday, August 10, 2009

Someone Needs to Pay Attention to What She's Doing

School starts here mid week. I did all of our back to school shopping in ONE day a couple of weeks ago to avoid the rush since we live in a valley where it is apparently the law that in order to own a home you must have at least two children. Where every elementary school is at MAX CAPACITY and where max capacity equals ONE THOUSAND kids. And, in our experience, if you want A) clothes that still work for heat and not fall because hello, still summer in Southern California and B) a decent lunch box and backpack combo to avoid moderate to severe mocking, you'd better jump on things toot sweet. And jump I did. We hit the local Target and got. it. all. I'm talkin' everything from pencils, erasers, folders to several outfits each. The only thing that wasn't purchased on that particular trip were Levi's skinny jeans for Boy-Child#1 which we snatched up later that day at Tilly's. And shoes followed last week.

Since elementary school starts on Wednesday, today I was going through all of the paraphernalia - loading backpacks, sharpening pencils, writing the kids names on their lunch boxes. I'm not a fan of trying clothes on the kids in the store because OHMYGAWD it takes so long. And I'm not ashamed to admit that patience is not my strong suit. But I did have the foresight to at least have them try them on when we got home to make sure everything was good to go. And it was. Is.

But somewhere along the way I severely fecked up the underwear selection. I mean, oh hell, how dumb do you have to be to muck this up? I bought bikini underpants for Girl-Child instead of briefs. This does not work. Not only does Girl-Child have a prominent bootay but she's six. And, in my humble opinion, six year old girls need as much coverage as possible. Swings and slides in skirts and dresses reveal much. Let's cover that shit up. So, there's that. Then! I bought, what I thought, were two packages of boxer briefs for Boy-Child#1. What I actually purchased were ONE pack of boxer briefs and ONE pack of briefs - aka "tightie whities". I don't know if you've ever been an eighth grade boy, but tightie whities [even though they're black and grey in color] will buy you several atomic wedgies in the gym locker room and a raging case of insult hurls at oneself from one's peers. Stinking, pimply faced, in the throes of hormone induced crackly-voiced puberty - peers - that can brand you with a much unwanted nickname for the remainer of your school years.

It would appear that one got so distracted by selecting the right size that she outright ignored the description. And that person, who was so smug about her organizational and planning skills, was at JC Penny today. Two days before school starts. Buying underpants.

15 comments:

'cuz I'm the mommy, that's why! said...

See, I would've tried to sell the 6 year old on big bro's tighties were some kind of bloomer (plenty o' coverage there!) and just bought him some new boxer-briefs.
Course, my kids all think I'm nucking futs.

Manic Mommy said...

Every one of our schools is full up as well. So HRH is going to from a 10:1 ratio to a 30:1. No problem.

And yes, full coverage for little girls is best. Happy Trails!

hulagirlatheart said...

My problem is not buying underwear, it's putting it on. Hand to God, I've worn mine wrong side out four times in the last year. I always discover it about halfway through my work day. WTH???

Molly said...

Oh yes, 8th grade boys are as evil as 15 yr old girls-so underwear selection is so very important.

I just wish my 14 yr old (soon to be freshman in 1 day) would wear boxer briefs instead of boxers with pickles that says "party pickle" and with logs that say "wood is good". They crack him up. The funniest part, MY MOTHER bought them for him.

I am just thankful he left the banana "are you just happy to see me" on the rack.

Jen on the Edge said...

The fashion rage here is to wear cropped leggings under skirts, dresses, and tunics. Very cute and I don't have to worry about underwear showing.

Martie said...

I just finished all of that for 7 kids. The 8th, my oldest, starts college in August--she bought her own clothes and supplies for fear I would mess it all up. I hate school supply/clothes shopping. I try to do most over the summer a little at a time.

calicobebop said...

Yep, went through all that last week myself. Only thing left on the list is shoes! Oh, and that perfect outfit for school picture day. But, I still think I'm coming out on top!

Bad luck about those underpants - I totally agree that little girls should have their whole tush covered!

Wineplz said...

man, do you guys start school early! But then, in Virginia we wait until the first frost, it seems. I like how it was when I was in Illinois: last week of August. That way we only had like three weeks of sweltering in non-air-conditioned classrooms. And we ended school after the first week in June, before the summer blazing began anew.
Glad you got that underwear thing straightened-out...would hate you being stuck with his therapy bills for the rest of his life on account of some non-white tidy-whities.

Karen said...

Do the children possibly have serviceable underwear left over from summer that will suffice until a couple weeks into the school year when the stores settle down?

JoeinVegas said...

At least you weren't looking for matching backpacks. Pretty good.

Bridget said...

I by myself the wrong underwear all the time. It's like my brain kind of clicks off whenever I go into the store and I get distracted by all the pink and frills and lace and blah and just start throwing things into a bag and then when I get home I'm all "I picked out THIS?"

Qwackhead said...

I have the same "boo-tay" problem as your daughter, which is why I wear granny pants. Additional kiddie underwear problem: the little suckers shrink up to doll-size in the dryer.

ALF said...

Thank God you're not making him wear the tightie whities.

down pillow said...

Super super funny! Sounds like you live near me! lol

Ringleader said...

I'm obsessive about the underwear and socks... must have all new each school year- I don't really know why- just a compulsion- and Yes- they make it confusing! Just when you find the style you want- the size you need is gone or vice versa... then of course, the 4 pack with one extra free pair is on $3.99, but the regular 4 pack is $5, so there's more rooting through the display there. And I totally agree... 6yo shold not be wearing bikini briefs. It's full coverage granny panties for my 7yo. My 12yo only just graduated to "boy cut"- they're cute, but not slutty and keep the panty lines away.