Monday, July 27, 2009

No One Wants to be Seen Getting the Saliva Sucked out of their Mouth

Imagine, if you will, a pediatric dentist office. If you pictured a waiting room with Disney type posters on the wall, collector memorabilia in the form of life sized Pirates of the Caribbean and Nightmare Before Christmas characters and a replica of Disneyland's Haunted Mansion encased in plexiglass, you're on the right track. If you have visions of 1980's video game consoles that include but are not limited to Donkey Kong and Space Invaders, you'd be correct. The office, quite frankly, rocks your socks. Once you've left the waiting room and entered the relaxed, friendly environment of the patient's area, you've entered one open room with a sea of dental chairs each equipped with their own television where your child can view a kid appropriate movie while one of the many dental technicians takes a crack at cleaning your kid's teeth; reminding them of the value of a good daily flossing. And leave you feeling a little guilty that the only flossing they get comes in six month intervals. Ahem.

The room. One open room. Not private areas or stalls. Wide open. Chair after chair after chair. Doesn't seem all bad that you don't have a room to yourself because, hey, you're a kid and kids aren't all hung up on things like privacy when it comes to their mouth. Except that a pediatric dentist office see's patients up to sixteen years of age. And the eleven to sixteen age range might have an opinion about how they're seen by their peers.

For instance, like today, when my twelve year old son leaves the xray room only to encounter one of his schoolmates. Not just any schoolmate, but a peer of the opposite sex. And there she is laid flat with her head in the lap of a technician and a mouth full of dentist. I mean, if you were her would you not just die?! Would you not just want the ground to open up and swallow you, the dentist, the chair, and while we're at it -hell, the tv because you're certainly going to need some entertainment on your current trip to utter humiliation?

Wouldn't it be similar to -and ladies, we've all had days like this- when you make that fateful decision to swing by the market on your way home from the gym. Only to run into your ex-boyfriend from 1992 and there you are sans makeup bearing ass crack and anterior boob sweat with the scent of a fresh workout seeping from your pores and wearing your yoga pants that shrunk two inches in the length and your Frankie Says Relax tshirt? And a box of super absorbent tampons and two packages of double stuffed Oreo's on the conveyor belt?

p.s. The boyfriend from 1992 is interchangeable with that bitch from high school who made your life a living hell. Or the prom queen.

21 comments:

cactus petunia said...

Oy!
That's some monday you had!
Rinse and spit.
Tuesday will be better.

Jen on the Edge said...

Dang, our dentist sucks by comparison.

marybt said...

I don't know. Being seen with your mouth wide open and full of dentist probably wouldn't be nearly as bad as having said classmate hear the dentist say something like, "Sheesh. It's been awhile since you floshed, eh?" (I don't know why the dentist just suddenly acquired a Canadian accent - but let's just go with it.)

Karen said...

For some reason I thought your post title meant we were going to hear about couples sucking face in public.

Martie said...

at least there is clean teeth. That's your one bright spot. Bask in it. PS: I moved to a different town to escape all that is High School. I graduated in (cough) 1986--and have been to exactly ZERO reunions.

smalltownmom said...

Wait till they see each other at the orthodontist every month.

Ms Martyr said...

Not exactly on topic but I about died when I realized one of the guys at the gym was behind me when I pulled a wedgie out of my ass yesterday. Gah!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

So . . . in 1992, I ran into an ex-boyfriend at Thrifty Drug and I managed to throw away the double-scoop chocolate cone before he saw me. Couldn't do anything about the box of tampons and lack of make up.

:-)

kelly said...

That open room threw me for a loop when I was checking out pediatric dentists. I'm surprised the kids seem pretty ok with it especially the first time around. It reminded me too much of one of those dystopian future movies where everyone is hooked up to some weird machine.

calicobebop said...

I love Muffin's dentist - it is exactly as you described. Not that she let them anywhere near her... but that's beside the point.

BTW - I've been in you "hypothetical" scenario. Not fun. More like mortifying. Too bad we can't take some memories back. ugh.

MommyTime said...

This is hilarious. And that old boyfriend is also interchangeable with your boss.

abby said...

my orthodontist's office was the same way, and I had to endure it during high school. never had an embarrassing moment of the sort you've described in that office though.

as an adult? many other places, not looking my best. trying to remedy that at my reunion in a couple months.

Miss E said...

Reminds me of my orthodontist's office in which I shed tears on a regular basis. Between the pain and the appliances (read: headgear), I was the anti-cool. And died a few times over when I saw kids I knew there.

This office sounds like all kinds of awesome. I want to play old school Donkey Kong!

Jason, as himself said...

I felt the same way about a chiropractor I went to once here in our lovely city. It was one big, huge adjusting hall, where everyone could hear everyone else's grunts and groans and CRACKS!

Manic Mommy said...

My best friend ran into her old boyfriend at a doctor's office when she was about 15 months pregnant with a cold sore the size of a golf ball on her lip.

The next time she saw him was at his mother's funeral. And yes, she was *decked out* to see him there.

JoeinVegas said...

One medical plan made us visit a dental office like that. Just once. At that job I just paid for our old dentist myself. Well worth it.

Eve Bushman said...

Regular dental offices,the kind you take your teen to that doesn't want to be seen,cater to adults. Duh. But they also have to adhere to HIPAA regulations where even the sign in sheet is a remove-one-name-at-a-time sticker. No video games but you do get to watch educational videos..on...you guessed it: flossing.

trish said...

Just wanted to let you know I sent you an email...in case it gets automatically sent to your spam folder. :)

Anytime I've thought I'd make a quick trip, sans bra, wearing sweatpants, and with no makeup, I've seen someone there I didn't want to see. And I was unsuccessful at hiding from them.

Tuesday Girl said...

Lesson learned: The dentist is evil.

'cuz I'm the mommy, that's why! said...

I'm just glad I haven't seen this one room-many chairs scenario at the OB/GYN. *shudder*
Our dentist doesn't take parents back with children over 2. Not sure what I think of that yet, but the Poose goes back and comes out smiling and bearing bouncy-balls and stickers...

ALF said...

You paint quite a picture here, Tootsie.