Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Oy! My Aching Back

When the lower part of my back first started acting up a few months ago I thought it was menstruation related (men? you're welcome) but that doesn't seem to be the case. Because it comes and goes. Or more like spasms and releases. Heavy on the spasm. I sneezed while driving the kids to school a few weeks ago and threw my back out, pretty much permanently, it seems, because apparently I'm 87 years old. And my back was all, let's see if you can move your foot to the brake? You can do it. Will it to happen. Move your leg and you better hurry because there's a red light at the bottom of this hill. I mean, I already hate sneezing while driving because it is physically impossible to sneeze with ones eyes open (try it some time and let me know how it goes) so you're temporarily blind. And driving. So now you're basically a deadly weapon...and who's in for carpool? But throw a lower back spasm into the mix and now it's: sneeze - close eyes- SCREAM! - navigate vehicle. There's a recipe for disaster [and there's a much overused metaphor that I hate but am blanking for a more suitable substitute].

This new ailment of mine vexes me because I've always been an able-bodied kind of person and not a "back problems" kind o' gal. Except for that one time when I gained 70 pounds during pregnancy and was carrying a 10 pound baby. Yeah, then. But I was fine once all that was off me. And you know what really seems to aggravate it? Bending over, even ever so slightly, like say...putting on my underpants. Or sitting in an upright position, like say, when driving or in a movie theater. Or like on an airplane which I'm about to do tomorrow. I fear when I disembark I will require wheelchair assistance.

16 comments:

Hula Girl at Heart said...

I've pulled my back twice and both times it was miserable. The first time I pulled it? I was bending over to get some toilet paper..because I had sneezed.

Sneezing....work of the devil.

The Mother said...

You sound like my husband.

I have more paraphernalia from Relax your Back than I think they have in the whole store. But, at least, it seems to keep him from whining as much.

Sin said...

yoga maybe? hope your plain ride isn't awful

indywriter said...

Maybe it's time to give up underpants. Problem solved!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Get thee to a chiropractor--and then start Pilates or yoga. The combo saved my back. And you're right, the airline ride will be killer--you might want to stock up on Naprosyn, Flexeril and Vicodin today.

Stu said...

Sounds like you need some Rumjungle Juice to make you forget all about your 87 year old back.

JoeinVegas said...

Get the wheelchair first, that way you get on first and do better through security.

Swirl Girl said...

Might I suggest motorized scooter and a driver??

If that doesn't work, some good drugs and a glass of wine.

alderfather said...

A good chiropopper followed by a deep massage will fix you right up. Then spend the rest of your life doing yoga. I'm a massage therapist. I know about these things.

MamaHen Em said...

My husband threw his back out a couple of weeks ago from...wait for it...bending down to sunscreen a child. I know. I refused to believe him at first but then he cried about it for a week. Apparently it's quite painful. Hope your back is on the mend!

abby said...

See if you can convince your abs to pick up the slack for a while. My back sucks because my abs still haven't come back together since baby #2 (mostly because I'm lazy, but whatever). Squeezing those pulled apart abs helps when lifting 35 lb children. Maybe it will help your plane ride.

And ask for help lifting your carry-on. No sense in aggravating the thing. Sometimes it is a benefit to play the weak female.

Just sayin'.

abby said...

I just realized how long ago you posted and how my advice is probably for naught.

Maybe I should squeeze my abs for more brain power too.

Hope your plane ride(s) wasn't hell.

Barb said...

I've enjoyed my brief view of your blog! I'm a single mom scouting out other SM blogs. I'll be back to visit. :)

Barb said...

OK so your NOT a single mom. Sorry about that. I've been scanning so many of them I lost track. Still find your blog entertaining and will continue to visit!

Tootsie Farklepants said...

After being out of town on vacation for 12 days my back is fine. Wondering if it's my own bed.

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