Friday, September 10, 2010

Blink

I know it's been a while since I've written anything in my little space on the web. It's just... I've been in this funk and it's taken me a while to realize what my fricken deal is, and it's this: I feel like I'm missing it. And "it" is not my blog. "It" is my children. See, Boy-Child#1 started high school this year, HIGH EFFING SCHOOL! I mean, MY GOD! How is this possible? No, seriously, where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday I was building a tower of blocks on one side of the living room floor just to entice him to crawl to me and knock it down. Over and over we would play this game and it was a never ending source of entertainment for the both of us.

I can barely remember Boy-Child#2 learning to walk and now he's old enough to walk home from school. And honest to God, people? I don't remember my daughter as a baby. I clearly remember her at 3 years old, but an infant? I have to really concentrate to capture that memory. I've reached the point where I have to consult their respective baby books to familiarize myself with their first words, when they cut their first tooth, how long they were at birth and how much they weighed. Well, except for Boy-Child#1 who weighed in at 9 pounds 7 ounces and you just don't forget passing a Mac truck through your vagina. You're welcome. When a child that large is ripped from your loins-literally and figuratively-, it tattoos the number on the left side of your cerebrum in neon colors.

I'm only 38 years old. How can my memory be that shot to hell? And I'm super freakin' lucky to be a full time stay at home mom. I have been present for every. single. thing. How can time still be whipping by so fast that I'm forgetting so many details that I thought could never be forgotten? I blinked. And time betrayed me. I stop and think of the time that has gone by and the future that still lay ahead and realize that what has already passed is such a relatively short amount of time in the grand scheme of things. If I am, in fact, middle aged, and God willing I live to reach eighty, then I still have a whole 'nother lifetime ahead.



And I've had this realization: the time you're allotted with your children, as children? Simply isn't long enough. I'm already starting to miss them because I know... I'll blink again and at their wedding or the birth of another grandchild, I won't be able to remember them at seven, ten, and thirteen.

12 comments:

Sewfast said...

Amen Sister! My baby is awaiting the birth of her first child! It goes way too fast!

Karen said...

That's why I blog; so I can remember my kids when I forget. I, too, was shocked the other day because I couldn't remember a whole lot about the birth of our 3rd child. It's scary.

Hula Girl at Heart said...

My daughter is a high school senior this year, and I'm having a terrible time coming to grips with that. She's our only child, so we will be empty nesters next year when she goes to college. I can't tell you how hard I want to hang onto her legs and drag her back into the house each morning when she DRIVES to school.

Jason, as himself said...

Yep. My Amelia went off to college last month. If that doesn't make you feel old, nothing will.

I'm glad you posted again. I miss you.

smalltownmom said...

My youngest started high school. Sigh.

JoeinVegas said...

Oh, just realized you're getting old? Sorry (for the realization part)

Manic Mommy said...

Amazing. My baby is starting Kindergarten. It occurred to me at his screening that I didn't have a another, littler one holding on to my hand as I let go of his.

No more blinking.

thegoddessjen said...

Haven't I ever told you my theory of placental de-memory? Placentas are made of brain cells and when they exit...poof. I have two and I feel lucky to be able to button my shirts at the ripe old age of forty. You have three and you are younger, maybe you need to take up Sudoku? ;-)

Stu said...

It happens to us all. I live in the moment since I know I will never remember it all. Pictures and videos are a Godsend.

My Dad just passed away (Mom was 4 years ago) and looking through all of the pictures they collected was wonderful. So many things I rediscovered.

-Stu

dana said...

I'm here to tell you that when they actually leave home for good, you will close their bedroom door and avoid it at all costs. It hurts too much to enter.

If you're lucky, they'll remain an extension of your life. If you're unlucky like I am, they will fly the coop permanently, destined for lands far away.

The worst time for me was when my daughter turned FORTY. When did she become MY age? Oh, right....I'm SIXTY!! When did THAT happen!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

It flies by. It really does. And we wouldn't want the alternative. We wouldn't want it to stop. But it flies by. Twenty minutes ago I had two babies at home and felt like I'd never get any sleep. Now they have graduated from college. Ten minutes ago I had one baby at home and now she's in fifth grade.

Savor it. And blink. Keep on blinking because if you don't your eyes will dry out.

XO

BOSSY said...

It does, it goes by so fast. Wait, Bossy isn't helping, is she?