BlogHerNot 2008: Your Blog Your Way

SCHEDULE OF EVENTS

9:00-9:02AM (or right now)
VINTAGE THIRTY KEYNOTE
Tootsie Farklepants

Welcome! I'd like to start off by stressing that BlogHerNot 2008 is not a slam or slight in any way at the BlogHer 2008 conference. There's just a whole bunch of us bloggers that couldn't make it to San Francisco, for whatever reason which may be, but not limited to, one of the following: lack of funds, logistics, no babysitter, previous commitments, nothing to wear, too pregnant, giving birth, just gave birth, fear of flying, fear of driving, fear of hitchhiking, fear of large groups, fear of alcohol, couldn't justify the expense, can't walk that far, didn't meet their goal weight... like I said, whatever the reason, wish we were there but aren't. Please visit Mommypie for a complete list of scheduled sessions for the day. Please stay close by. We'll regroup soon for the next event after a brief intermission involving food of some sort.

9:03-10:00AM (or right now)
SNACK
Where: Tootsie Farklepants' kitchen
Menu: Coffee and I think there's some powdered donuts left in that bag over there. Also, there's cereal but maybe not enough milk.

10:01-10:05AM (or whatever time it is right now)
LECTURE WITH TOOTSIE FARKLEPANTS
Topic: Your Blog Your Way

I apologize for the underwear and tank top combo, but it is come as you are; so I hope everyone is okay with that. Also? I haven't brushed my teeth and yes that is a rubber band, a clip, and a head band keeping all of the hair off of my shoulder/face/neck area because I was just all, "GAH! Get it off me!". Lecture? Who said anything about a lecture? I'm ill prepared. Instead let's just tackle some FAQ's (or, frequently asked questions -not really asked by anyone at all at least not of me):

1) I've started a blog now what do I write about?

• Whatever interests you and whatever you like writing about. My first blog was about politics and it became too specific and limited and I got bored. With Vintage Thirty I write about anything.

2) Are there topics to avoid?

• That depends. Some topics are controversial. If you're seeking melees and brouhahas in your comments section then by all means, be controversial. I try to keep my blog humorous and light.

3) How do you get people to read your blog?

• People won't read you unless they know about you. Read other blogs. Leave comments that attract people to click on your profile. Having an interesting user name helps. Seriously, I had no idea how many people would visit my blog because of my name. That was a total fluke.

4) How do you get people to keep coming back?

• I have no fracking idea. I admit I write FOR the reader, but I've given up trying to figure out what it will be that interests them. I'll spend hours, sometimes days, editing a particular entry only to have it met with "eh". Then I'll throw out something on the fly, completely random, and it will be one of my heaviest visitor days. Seriously, I can't figure you people out.
• If visitor stats are important to you, and I'm not gonna lie I enjoy it a great deal, you have to post something everyday. There have only been a handful of days that I didn't submit fresh content, but on those days my visitor stats dropped dramatically. So write everyday! At the very least, throw up a picture with a witty caption if time or writer's block is an issue.

5) Memes and blog bling awards: Yay or nay?

• Let's face it, there are millions of blogs out there and we can't know them all. Memes and bloggy awards are a great way to introduce your readers to some other blogs they may not be aware of. We could all use the linky love. So I do them. And getting tagged with a meme could come in handy for you on one of those days when the creativity is not flowing and you need to post something.

6) How do I find the time to write and mess around with my blog template when I've got all these kids?

• Spend the time they're at school wisely. For summer and other vacation days:
  

• Blog while they sleep
• Blog while they eat
• Get them set up in an independent activity like television watching
• Video games also work
• Throw various snacks at them
• Ignore the fighting
• Answer "yes" to any request that you didn't actually hear but you know that they asked you something you just weren't paying attention
• Get up to wipe their butt but only after they've hollered at you for five minutes. Make them pull up their own pants.
• Diapers are super absorbent. Test that shit.
• If they get hungry enough they'll figure out how to make a sandwich -you'll note I didn't say "healthy" sandwich
• Infant? It's never too early to teach them how to hold their own bottle
• Breastfeeding? Slap that baby in a sling and type (i.e. multi-task)
  

7) And what about spending time with my spouse?

• That's what bedtime is for. Make it up to them then. More than once a night if necessary. If you've been married for more than three years it is not necessary; once is enough.
  

8) When someone leaves a comment how do you acknowledge it?

• When I've got a little spare time I will go through the comments and visit the blogs and try to leave a comment. Sometimes I'll address a comment or two in my own comment section. And sometimes I'll answer someone in an email. It really depends on what I'm doing at the exact moment I'm reading the comments and how much time I have. A lot of the people who leave comments are the authors of blogs I already visit regularly.
• Recently I've started posting comment highlights a couple of times a month. I had a couple of readers say in emails that there is no way I am able to read all the comments I get. KNOW THIS: Not only do I read them, but when I edit my entry for the comment appreciation segment, I read them all two or three times.

In conclusion, it's your blog. Handle it any which way you please. Write for your own reasons and just be you and somewhere someone out there will identify with you and your blog. I'd like to thank BlogHerNot 2008 for the opportunity to speak. Thank you all so much for coming. You know what was the awesomest part about this? I ate a snack pack of Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies, drank a diet Pepsi and burped repeatedly throughout this whole thing and no one knew. Well, except now you do. Please don't forget to check the schedule for the rest of the day's events. See you at the parties later. I'll be the drunk, loud, and inappropriate person over there.