Thursday, February 25, 2010

You Carly, iCarly, iWatch iCarly

When it comes to television, Girl-Child has always been a little bit ahead of her age range. For instance, she was enjoying Spongebob Squarepants and Fairly Odd Parents long before she discovered the crack magic of the Teletubbies and Blue's Clues. So it was no surprise when she got hooked on the shows Drake and Josh and Ned's Declassified, part of the Teen Nick lineup on Nickelodeon. She's been an avid iCarly watcher since it debuted in 2007. In case you're not familiar, iCarly is about two junior high school girls, Carly and Sam, and their friend Freddy who shoot a webcam show from Carly's apartment that she shares with her adult brother, Spencer. Cute show. Funny moments. All innocent enough.

This season, however, the kids seem to have been shot out of the puberty cannon and there seems to be a lot of like-liking going on. And kissing. And Girl-Child's favorite episodes are those with the kissing. My daughter may only be six years old but she's six going on twelve. Physically, she looks eight. And at the rate she's growing she'll hit puberty herself in about two and a half years. Mentally she just needs to knock it off. Her brain and its mature thoughts are going to be the end of me.

Let me throw a for instance into the middle of this post: Halloween. 2009. The Party City catalog arrives filled with page after colorful page of mostly slutty costumes. Many worn by holymotherofGAH! children. Girl-Child points to a tween ladybug getup and I'm all, I redirect her to the more age appropriate ladybug and add that she will also wear a long sleeved leotard and black tights to cover all the necessary areas. No six year old daughter of mine is going to walk around with a skirt up to there and all her business hanging out. Neither will my sixteen year old daughter if I have anything to say about it -which I might not but let me have my fantasy moment where I believe I actually have control. Ahem. Anyway, the ladybug. So I sit her down and have a little chat about children and maturity and what is acceptable and what isn't. That's when she points to the photo of the sexy policewoman and the sexy bunny and tells me that she wants to be that, you know, when she grows up. Naturally.

faints. dies.

Just days before the costume incident, Mr. Farklepants and I were discussing successful parenting and we came to the conclusion that if we can get all three kids to graduate high school, keep them out of jail, hopefully encourage them to go to college, and keep Girl-Child from getting pregnant before finishing school, then we've done a decent enough job. I mean, right?

Back to the evening of the costume incident: Later that evening, after I was revived from fainting and dying, Girl-Child is talking about the future and telling us that when she's a grownup Mr. Farklepants and I will be Grandma and Grandpa. I look at Mr. Farklepants and say, "judging by her costume selection that day will probably come much sooner than we'd hoped".


Anonymous said...

Ooof. I have put a ban on icarly and zack and cody and drake and josh at our house. Too much kissing and boy/girl action for my sons. Every single damn episode. I'd rather have them watch Hannah Montana! The Jonas Bros! SpongeBob! But the rush to teenage behavior in shows geared towards kids is appalling.
Thank God I don't have to worry about slutty boy costumes at least.

calicobebop said...

snort "puberty cannon"

That's an awesome phrase even if it scares the pants off me. My six-year-old is obsessed with the Barbie movies. And she thinks that if you kiss then you're married. Yeah. That's going to be fun to disprove!

Susie Q said...

Lord I despise iCarly...and a number of those other little shows...Spongebob is okay and boy, do I miss Rugrats!

Hula Girl at Heart said...

Ug, the biggest fight I have every year with my teenager is over Halloween costumes. We have a SmackDown every year in Halloween Express or as I like to call it, Ho's-R-Us. It is a constant battle from ages 10-18 to keep their boobs and backsides from hanging out.

May the force be with you.

Martie said...

I have a 9 year old who LOVES *iCarly*. I've watched it with her. I also watched MTV's *16 and pregnate* with her today. Said she saw it at her Dad's house--where she ISN'T allowed to watch *Sponge Bob*. Hmmmmm...

PS: We had a very interesting and comforting conversation about being 16 and pregnate. Where she said how that is "the stupidest thing ever". Whew.

poosemommy said...

Gawd! I hate those Teen Nick shows. Nick Jr, that's it. Heck, even the 9 year old is restricted to Dora and Oswald and things of that ilk. Also? No commercials! Which means much less consumerism in my 3 year old (because seriously? Who needs that?)
Thankfully (I think) the 14 year old girl prefers Discovery Channel stuff. So yeah, I have to watch some really gross creatures during the dinner hour. Don't have to think about buying her Halloween costumes. That's all her mama's gig. I did puchase her first formal, and we were both happy with it. A dress code for school dances! I would have hated it at 14, but as a parent? It is The Awesome! Lots of luck!
BTW, my verification word? "propho" What did you call me?!

BabyFavorite said...

I hear you. They grow up so quickly these days! My daughter was like that at 6, and now she's 10 and I'm considering birth control in a year or two. Okay, I kid. Sort of. Maybe not.

BTW, she & I saw SELENA GOMEZ at California Adventure the weekend of 30 January! Twice! (Riding rides w/a friend and some Disney official.) I think I freaked out more than my daughter, if that's possible.

abby said...

the goals for your kids...what about keeping the boys from impregnating anyone? we always focus on keeping the girls nice and chaste, but what about the boys? are they exempt? said...