Alternate Title: The Bathroom Cabinet Chronicles: Partie une (That's French for Part One because I'm fancy)
The middle of winter can be really hard on your skin. And here in Southern California the forecast is harsh:
Okay. But it's a brutally dry seventy-five degrees. And my skin has been all, WTF cracked and scaly? And Lubriderm is just not cutting the mustard. So I set about finding something with a little more...huevos. Something that could withstand 10% humidity and 13 MPH winds. Because, Lord knows, with weather like this, who can bend their fingers what with all the dry? Plus? A skirt coupled with ashy legs scares the kids.
Behold the vat of Eucerin! It's 16 ounces but weighs five pounds, just trust me. One tub should get you through the winter. Apply liberally to hands, feet, elbows, and the often neglected chest - because how else to get rid of those unsightly wrinkly betwixt the boob creases from side sleeping - and who knows what I'm talking about? Your eyes are not always the first signs of age; I'm just sayin. It's a known fact that moisturized skin appears younger - because that is what all the beauty magazines tell us.
Speaking of eyes, have you ever
To any ancient Spaniards that may still roam the New World: The fountain of youth is not a well in Florida, Juan Ponce de Leon! It's aisle twelve in your local Target.
Another also? This is why it takes 45 minutes for me to get ready for bed - and we haven't even discussed cleansing the face prior to application of all of the above.
Join us tomorrow for our next installment... focus: hair.