Thursday, May 14, 2009

In This Hand I Hold a Grenade

Remember when I told you that our local McDonalds was being remodeled? And what they mean by remodel is - tear that sucker down to the ground with a bulldozer.



I'm happy to report that they lived up to their claim that they would re-open in spring of 2009.


Ever since my children caught wind of the grand opening; they've wanted to check out the indoor play area possibilities eat there. While you may be surprised to learn that I'm not a fan of A) most fast food, and B) eating inside said establishments, you should be happy to know that I sometimes oblige my children. So I promised that after Boy-Child#2's softball game we would go to the new McDonalds for dinner - because we're fancy like that.

The new McDonalds also boasts a new staff. I mean, like brand new. Like, are still learning the register, new. Which equals - slow service. Which puts a fast food establishment at a disadvantage. And where fast food becomes - how hard is it to put together a Big Mac meal and two happy meals? Apparently, pretty damn hard. Inside I was all, wth people? On the outside I was all, hey no problem take your time. I didn't bother ordering anything for myself because about the only thing I like from McDonalds is their fries. And years of experience has taught me something: when there is playground equipment within view children will not finish their fries and leaves plenty for mom to help herself. This theory, once again, proved true.

While the new play area was somewhat disappointing, with lackluster slides, and resembled a mesh three story building that had been stripped bare and lacked much of anything to do; this didn't stop the kids from enjoying it. Another thing that experience has taught me is that it does not matter how boring a play area is or how long you stay; when it is time to go, it is too soon. Girl-Child burst into tears upon my request to get her shoes. An event that was met with my immediate anger. Which led me to inform her that if she was going to cry then it would be a very long time before she was allowed to come back. Which? Didn't seem to faze her. Which? Pissed me off. Which? Led me to tell her that she'd just sealed the deal.

I'm not a fan of spoiled children and I wasn't about to have my own child act a fool. I don't know what her deal was but she clearly had done lost her mind. This behavior was not beneficial to my mood. Especially since I still had to order a meal to go for Mr. Farklepants - And don't make me revisit the new employee issue.

Once back home, and with my dander up about all of the above, I share the events of the evening with Mr. Farklepants. To which he replied, so have you started your period yet or what?

Then I pulled the pin.

27 comments:

Coco said...

OMG Pull the pin. That is so funny. And they really know how to push your last button don't they.

Helena said...

Oh, Mr Farklepant's comment... he is a very brave (brave??) man!!!

Amanda said...

Nothing makes my horrid mood worse than when it's blamed on my period!

WHAT? Like people aren't stupid ASSHATS when I have PMS too?

RuthWells said...

Oh no he DI-IN'T!

Manic Mommy said...

I take it there were no survivors.

How long have you been married? I mean. Really. That's rookie shit at its finest right there.

Burgh Baby said...

Wow. Mr. Farklepants sure likes to live dangerously. So, is he still alive?

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Oh, holy hell, you were in hell.

McDonalds, whiny children, and a husband with a disabled member. You disabled it, right? (At least temporarily. No point cutting of your, um, nose to spite your, um, face.)

LOL!

Karen said...

How long has Mr. Farklepants been married? Doesn't he know any better???

Katy said...

Nothing makes me madder than when someone suggests that my mood is related to my period...unfortunately they are usually right.

JoeinVegas said...

Yes, so, was he right?

Martha said...

My sympathies, cranky daughter, lame-O employees, and Mr.Smarty Mouth, GRRRR!!

g said...

Ah, that lessens my regard for the wonderful Mr. Farklepants.....if only briefly.

Seriously, I hate it when people do that. It makes me want to say "I'm totally capable of being a bitch without the aid of hormones!"

And I was extremely glad my kid grew out of McDonalds pretty quickly.

Stu said...

Mr. Farklepants is my hero ;). That man has a set on him. No common sense, but a set. You too will find him funny... in about a week.

-Stu

laughingatchaos said...

Holy hell, is he still breathing?

Michelle said...

I'm so glad to know my husband isn't the only one who says stupid shit like that!

Mr. Farklepants said...

Oh please. Of course I was right.

We're talking over 15 years experience here people.

Not only that but I (usually) know just about exactly when it is safe to make the statement and when it is not.

I think I asked just a bit too early this time though. lol...

Crystal said...

HAHAHAHA!! That was hilarious! (By the way, I found your blog via Green Girl in Wisconsin) :)

Domestic Spaz said...

We went to McDonald's last night. And our service was incredibly slow... and they didn't even have the excuse of having new employees. But my kids got Kidz Bop CDs in their happy meals. So all day I've been listening to a bunch of preteens singing "So Yesterday" and I think I might go nuts.

Jason, as himself said...

I was surprised when I saw they had torn the whole darn thing down. That particular location must be a high yielding one for them to start from scratch.

I'm sorry you had such a horrific experience at our new Hamburger Hill McDonald's. They should just tear it back down.

seachange said...

Just remember that old saying: "You get what you pay for."

Kudos to Mr. F. for being so sensitive to his wife's moods. :-)

kcinnova said...

Ha!
Too bad you didn't pull the pin at McD's. Because really? That is where the blame belongs.

(Kudos to you for sealing the deal. I loathe that place and have done my best to teach my kids to do the same.)

K. said...

Ahh -- fast food employees. Such fun. Once went INTO a Wendy's with a friend, ordered nearly $50 in food, including 8 kids meals, then was asked by the extremely slow cashier, "This is for here?" Then my head exploded.

Lynette said...

I know THIS feeling...and also? MY husband can accurately judge my cycle based on my reactions to certain things...

Although....when he's wrong, I totally rip him a new one for being sexist...LOL.

Sometimes you just can't win.

AGSoccerMom said...

He asked too early......the man has a set of brass ones....btw I have his twin at home.......well not really his a** is at WORK!

Life As I Know It said...

Oy--- he SAID that?

nice blog - just clicked over here and now I don't remember how I got here ;)

O'Neal (The Woman In Charge Around Here) said...

*MY* hubs thought he was slick rick when he found an app on his iPhone that tells him when & when not to DTD, and which week to hide, etc... Well until I informed him that has not happened since 2007 courtesy of my spiffy birth control pills and now- my cover is blown.

Tell the Mr. next time is HIS turn to fetch dinner at the golden arches and then offer him a glass of cranberry juice upon his return home!

Kim said...

Ah and he was cute too.