Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Now a Word from Their Sponsors

We watch a moderate amount of sports in the Farklepants house; namely Tom Brady football, Luke Walton basketball, baseball ? and Tiger Woods golf. And advertisers know their target audience; those who want to get laid and the obstacles that surround them. The winner of the middle aged to older men who suffer from either erectile dysfunction or manhood size impairment demographic goes to the golf camp. It would appear that televised golf is merely a vehicle for ED prescription drugs that you should ask your doctor about, and male enhancement which, if you suffer consult your local herbal nutritional supplement supplier and put a creepy smile on your wife's face.

Advertisers who purchase airtime during basketball broadcasts veer towards those with no problem whatsoever with getting the deed done and have no problem with the operation of their downtown business thankyouverymuch and, in fact, are riddled with sexually transmitted disease - I'm lookin' at you genital herpes. You know the one where the wife is all I banged so many dudes I have herpes, and the husband is all my wife is a big ol' slut and I don't! And the wife is like, I take once daily Valtrex to decrease the chance of infecting my partner. And the husband goes ppffff I still use a condom I'll just smile adoringly at you and your cute herpes.

Then they all frolic in the ocean or give each other that knowing look when their college bound kids make a surprise visit home and secretly curse them for their shitty timing. The part we don't see is where the dad takes the kid aside and is like, dude, next time call. Seriously. I was about to tap that.

15 comments:

Jennifer H said...

Yeah, I can't wait for the day when one of my kids - in the middle of watching a baseball game or whatever, an all-American pastime - asks me what erectile dysfunction is.

Or herpes. We'll have to talk through the whole freaking game.

cactus petunia said...

Tooo funny. And right on the money!

Karen said...

Whoa, that's some serious spam you've got going on there. Probably detailed instructions on how to avoid herpes.

Anyway - gosh, it's hard to focus after that.

Yeh, we're walking that fine line now on "how many times can you ask the kids to fetch you something during commercial breaks" before they catch on.

Manic Mommy said...

Next, could you please explain what marketing genius came up with the matching, side-by-side, claw footed tubs *in the freaking ocean* at the end of the commercial?

Oh, goodie, the Asian spam is all hyperlinks. Typing carefully...

Tootsie Farklepants said...

What the frick is up with that spam?!? They hit several of my posts. Don't I have the word verification turned on? Anyhow, I deleted it.

Karen said...

My husband loves it too when they put the female products commercials on. He leaves the room.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

You must not be watching late-night basketball on TNT or you surely would have included the all-natural size enhancer--EXTENZE!

Lynette said...

Hehe. I love that commercial with Bob. Especially as Santa with the north....erm..POLE.

hahahaha....(why am I such a 14 year old boy?)

Martha said...

I am so OVER these ED commercials, my 14 y/o and 11 y/o roll their eyes. Every G.D. sporting event on TV has these commercials, Enough Already! Thanks, Toots, killer post.

meandtheblueskies.com said...

That is so funny but it is so spot on. Those 'male enhancement' commercials creep me out. Oh, if you get a chance, stop by my newly redesigned blog on my new domain and tell me what you think of it. I promise it won't give you herpes...

kcinnova said...

Smiling Bob cracks me up, but the commercials are annoying at best. I need to remember to have my husband talk to the older boys who have seen them, lest they think this might be a good idea...

dorothy said...

LUKE WALTON!!! <3

Mommica said...

I saw the cute herpes ad today and thought the same thing. Actually, all I could think about was 'that poor actress. hardup, that one.'

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

Bwwaaahahahahahaha.
That last sentence is priceless.

disa said...

I love it ! Very creative ! That's actually really cool Thanks.