Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Oh, Right. I Have a Blog!

Well, hi! Why didn't someone tell me that Christmas is next week? Who did I put in charge of that and who is getting fired?

I totally picked the wrong month to take a week off from the living to fall head first into a book. Correction: four books. Which, you already know because that post (the previous) has been up for nearly a week. I finished the final one on Monday, however, it would have been Sunday night except I took some Comtrex PM for this sort of cold that I have. It's not even powerful enough to earn the title of "common cold". It wants to be a cold. It's kind of this post nasal drip thingy coupled with a tickley [not a word but totally acurate description] throat that causes a cough but not a serious cough but enough to make my eyes tear and feels like I need a glass of water to relieve it but that doesn't do anything whatsoever. So, Comtrex PM. That's a powerful elixir and will knock you out. Like a ninja. A very dehydrated, suck all the moisture out of your body, ninja. Makes Nyquil look like cooking sherry. Or Zima.

After my day of mourning over reading the final book and knowing that there isn't another one ready to follow; some things occurred to me. Stuff like, oh yeah, Christmas is next week! And that I need to send out my Christmas cards but, durr, first I have to, ya know, buy them. And if I'd like my nephew, on the other side of the continental US, have a little something to open from his aunt and uncle, then someone had better get herself down to the UPS and make with the shipping. Of course, it needed wrapping first. Naturally.

Speaking of wrapping, we'll be seeing Mr. Farklepants' family this Saturday. All of them. Which means all of their gifts need to be wrapped and ready to go. Did I mention the SIZE of his family? They account for three quarters of our Christmas debt the unwrapped and neglected gifts. The good news there is that once that retail mountain is gone I'll have like eight things to wrap.

And I guess the kids are doing without the Advent Calenders this year. Because someone never bought any. Because someone was selfish and sucks a little bit.

**I apologize for the stellar craptasticness of this post but I'm under self imposed stress and am trying like the dickens not to take it out on my family because it's Christmastime and that requires that I keep my bitch level way down here [for those playing along at home that means I'm keeping it at waist level. Like when someone has had it up to here meaning they can't tolerate a level of stress or aggravation above their forehead as indicated by their pointing to it...same thing only kicking it down a few notches]. You know, for the kids.

34 comments:

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

That's okay - you can hang out at my place with your Noel bitchiness way up here (picture hand waving in air way above your head). No Martha Stewarts allowed!

laughingatchaos said...

Yeah, I'm still not with the Christmas thing and I'm already on the 2008 "See!All!The!Family!" Christmas Tour. I have gifts to wrap, gifts to still purchase, cards I suppose I should address and send out...and I haven't been reading a book. Or multiple books. I have no good excuse. Wait! It was a full moon last week. Ok, I'm good.

The White House said...

You crack me up. missed you while you were out galivanting with bella and edward. I, on the other hand, have no excuse for slacking on Christmas stuff.

dorothy said...

You did NOT just say UPS!

JCK said...

I just think it's great that you allowed yourself to devour 4 books. Yeah! That sounds delicious. See, you could be like me who had the Christmas cards all picked up last Thursday and has yet to address an envelope and mail any of them....

Happy Holidays, Tootsie!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I have my fingers in my ear and am singing "lalalalala," 'cause I just know you're talking about Twilight.

franticallysimple said...

Maybe you don't want to know that Stephenie Meyer posted 300+ pages of "Midnight Sun", Twilight from Edward's perspective, on her website. That and the four books had me crabbing at my family to leave me the heck alone all of Thanksgiving week.

MamaNeena said...

I put a Twilight spoof on my blog that is bound to make you laugh now that you have finished the books.
www.mamaneena.com

MamaHenClucks said...

But I haven't been reading books, and my cards have been ready to go since November and STILL aren't sent out. I've been baking like mad and still don't have it all done. No matter what, stress still appears around Christmas.

Amy said...

I was beginning to wonder if you were coming back....

And while most of my Christmas stuff is done - I decided to boycott the cards this year...so that was one less thing for me to do.

Burgh Baby said...

That? Is why I'm not reading those damn books. Of course, if I did then I would actually have an excuse for the fact that I still have a tree to put up, about 5000 lights to hang outside, gifts to wrap, and Christmas cards to send -er- buy AND send. I think I'll blame . . . blogging. Yup, blogging.

calicobebop said...

Good luck with your Christmas work load! I know it's hard to get back to reality after the "Saga" but the stress of Christmas will bring you back quickly. A little too quickly, more than likely. Damn stress...

Bunny Bunster said...

Welcome back!
Now, but busy!!

Bunny Bunster said...

**get** busy, not but busy!!
Sorry about that!

Swirl Girl said...

You are not allowed to read any.more.

i need my daily dose of Farkle snarkle.

texasholly said...

I am on twilight hold. I have the books reserved for my vacation in January because my life stops for a good book. Oh, and I have that crappy cold thing too. Weird.

Persnickety Ticker said...

That Zima stuff is evil.

Especially when it teams up with it's pal Goldschlager to secretly ninja up on your ass and make you tell oh like 30 complete strangers that you are so totally in love with them.

Not that I would know from experience or anything...
*ahem*...carry on then.

kcinnova said...

My gifts? Same status.
My packages for mailing? Same status (including the all the way across the country part).
Cards? Purchased at the dollar store last year and nearly done...all 100+ of them.

And I think my kids want cookies. Silly boys. My blog open house doesn't even have cookies, and it's supposed to be a cookie exchange. Sheesh, I'm lame. (But it does have coffee and booze, so all is not lost.)

Melissa said...

This is truly the first year that I've ever wished the Christmas would just be over...I'm ready but man do I wish we could ust skip it!

Stephanie said...

Calm down, Ms. Tootsie! Christmas will take care of itself, it always does, doesn't it? Look on the bright side, you might have been forced to get it all done because you had to, um, well, have a gallbladder or something taken out today. At least that didn't happen. ;oD

Baby Favorite said...

I have the next Twilight book on hold until Monday and Tuesday of next week, when I have to "work" (I use the term loosely) and no one else will freaking BE HERE.

I have whined about this endlessly today. I thought people would be here--we'd eat, chat, do nothing at all except have fun!--and then I found out oh noooooo, they're all on leave. And it's too late for me to put in for it! (AND I'm already taking off from the 24th through the 4th. Anyway.) So, I am catching up on book #2 next week. What could be better than being paid for reading 9 hours a day?

What?!! I work for the government. I have to do my part to uphold the reputation of my kind. (And? Because no one is here, I literally will have *nothing* to do. It's really not my fault.)

Martha said...

Hey, your Craptastic posts are my Creme de la Creme posts, Tootsie. Nothing like a big family to make you appreciate a small, detached one like we have.

derfina said...

Thanks for no spoilers!

katydidnot said...

this might be my favorite post ever. i totally snorted out loud. (as opposed to the silent, inner snort).

The Introvert said...

I tend to not read things that are fanatically popular. I never read the Harry Potter books, I haven't read the Twilight Series, I didn't read the Da Vinci Code. I guess I'm afraid it won't live up to the hype. But I am intrigued by a series that makes someone read all four books in a week.

Kelley said...

Advent calendars?

Dammit!

I knew I forgot something... else...

Do you think they will let us delay Christmas for a couple of weeks so we can get our shite together?

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

I'm in the same boat.

But I didn't read any books.

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

Can you put a book down and come wrap my gifts? Most are bought, but stashed unwrapped. And pick up some wrapping paper on your way over. Thx.

Allison said...

You are so great! That's all.

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

I did the exact same thing the week I read them. I ignored everyone/everything/every blog. You are totally forgiven. And, you still have six days.

Saucy said...

Same! By the time I shipped away the stuff for Veto's family scattered east and west... there were only five things left under our tree. Leaving me to wonder "where the hell did all that money go and why in the hell do I have nothing for my own children" and so, guess what I will be doing this weekend?

Jason, as himself said...

I'm just glad you're still alive.

Katie said...

My BFF says that Twilight sucks out your brain cells and makes them all craptastical like.

Just sayin'.

P.S.
I read them all and I still have brain cells left....I think. LOL

Lo said...

girl, can i just say? i lurrrve readin' you. you rock my socks off all the way to mississippi. and also? yer not the only one who hasn't got their shit together yet. i have yet to buy one. gift. for anyone. well. (ahem) except myself. no for reals tho seriously? gift cards. are god. nuff said.