The Year McDonalds Ruined Christmas

We have a tradition here in the Farklepants household. Every year when we buy our Christmas tree we pick up McDonalds for dinner. Actually, I hate McDonalds but that's not the point. The Christmas tree lot that we have been frequenting for the last, oh, eight or so years, is adjacent to McDonalds. Or at least, it was. Because this year McDonalds is closed for remodeling. And when they say remodeling they mean tearing the sucker down and digging up the asphalt with a herring a backhoe. Which creates all kinds of safety hazards for Christmas tree shopping. For instance, if the tree lot were actually there, we'd have to scale the Andy Gump chain link fence to get in. Because, all access denied.




This meant having to scout out a new location to shop. And I don't know if you've met my paranoia when it comes to all things: my car? In case you hadn't heard, it is epic. Strapping seven feet of sticks and needles to the top of my SUV causes panic attacks where you'll find me cowering in the passenger seat and covering my ears going lalalalalalalala every time we turn a corner and I can hear movement on the roof. So when finding a new Christmas tree lot it is imperative that it be as close to our home as is possible. Because I would like that thing to spend five minutes or less riding my automobile.

In all our years of Christmas tree purchases, we've yet to lose one on the ride home. But that doesn't stop us from, every year, watching it like a hawk and going is it moving? Is it sliding? Does it seem to be much farther right than it was when we started? Should I open the sunroof and hold on? Can you reach it if you stick your hand out the window? Drive sloooowwwwer. Stop smooooother. Oh shit! Speed bump! It'll bounce! It'll scratch my car! [okay, the last part was just me]

You can see the kind of stress this creates. Hey kids! Isn't Christmas tree shopping just so much fun with mommy and daddy? I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. What was that?



Eventually a lot was found. And so was a tree. About that: each year in the Farklepants house you will hear this exchange: I think this is the best tree we've ever had (followed by) I concur. This year? Well, we found a tree that met most of our criteria. Decent height, although a bit shorter that we like. A Noble Fir, but a little too full for practical ornament hanging purposes. And there does seem to be a higher rate of needle loss.

Because it's tradition, a trip to McDonalds was in order. Although, no where near the tree lot. So the tree went home first and then the car was free to pick up dinner.

In the drive-through at McDonalds:

Me: What do you guys want?
Boy-Child#1: Big Mac
Boy-Child#2: Cheeseburger and fries
Girl-Child: A pony.

And wouldn't you freakin' know it? The Happy Meal toy was a My Little Pony figurine. That Girl. She's magic.

**Hat tip to Mr. Farklepants for the title and idea for this blog post when I told him that I didn't know what to write about and he's all, how about how McDonalds ruined Christmas? He's helpful like that.

***Construction Photos by Dorothy Z. and a thank you to the family for allowing to be schlepped over to the construction zone since we were already out taking pictures of the kids for Christmas cards. And also for their patience while we hit up the Starbucks too.