We Interrupt Friday's Regularly Scheduled Advice Column to Bring You This Important Bulletin!

It's official. You all are not even kidding about chocolate and/or free stuff. Over one hundred of you submitted your names for the chance to receive a gift certificate for one pound of See's Candy. Before we get started I would like to answer Anglophilefootballfanatic's burning question: "You're that close to Ghirardelli people and you like See's? Hmm." The answer to that is: When Ghirardelli grows up it wants to be See's Candy. - and WHO is still following along?



In an effort to stave off a crippling case of writer's cramp, I chose to type each name in Word in traditional Times New Roman font, size 22 so that all things were even Steven. All of the names submitted were included except for those who specifically asked to be removed. Madame Queen and Shania, I took you at your word. Even though he left a comment, Mr. Farklepants' name was also not included in the drawing for 2 reasons: A) I'm only giving away one of the two gift certificates that I have, which means we already have one, and B) He doesn't care for See's Candy. He says it's too sweet but I say that there is something fundamentally wrong with him. - and WHO is skimming ahead to see who won? Take one giant step forward.

With all of these names I thought, "I'm gonna need a bigger bowl".


And then I overcompensated.


And then I asked Mr. Farklepants to hold the bowl thusly so that I could take a picture. To which he sighed and rolled his eyes obliged. Then I assured him I would only capture his manhood midsection [making bobbing for names out of the question]. And then with a tremendous amount of mocking enthusiasm he inquired, "shall we do this"?


And also, "Are we done yet"?


And then, "Do you know this person"? Yes! Yes, I do. Congratulations Melissa of Green Girl in Wisconsin! Please email your address to me at tootsiefarklepants(at)yahoo(dot)com and in a few short days you will be the proud owner of a gift certificate that you can use to order your orgasm on the See's Candies website. -Who says you can't get everything on the Internet?

Thanks for playing, Readers! We'll have to do this again sometime!