We get gift cards, as gifts from others, a lot. So much so, that we have an entire drawer dedicated to gift cards for restaurants, theaters, retail stores, and more. Giving a gift card is about the laziest gesture a person can make. I understand that everyone has got those one or two people in their life
Mr. Farklepants that are impossible to buy for my dad, but overwhelmingly, and let's be honest, the reason for giving a gift card is because either a) you waited until the last minute, b) it's easier to ship, or c) you procrastinated about trying to figure out a gift. I include myself in this group because I have done it countless times. But you have got to be some kind of lazy to give a gift card to a child under seven years old. You couldn't find an easier demographic to shop for. This age group is the easiest to please. You screw up when you try to go big with the gift; to give THE gift. This is not the group to do that with. They don't care about grand sweeping gestures. The younger kids are happy with a package of Hot Wheels cars or Pokemon cards. And give a five year old or younger some sidewalk chalk or even better, BUBBLES! Ohmyeffinggod! BUBBLES! You know it's true too! Bubbles will make a child lose their mind! To a child it's like their reason to live found its way through that wand. A child that young does not need a $50 gift card from Toy's R Us.
So, while we're on the subject of gift cards: a few months ago my niece was participating in a fundraiser for her college cross country team and I bought two gift certificates each for a one pound box of See's Candy.
(see how easily it turns a cheesy brass platter into supreme fanciness?)
I don't know if you've ever had See's Candy because it is primarily a West Coast thing and I think their stores go only as far east as Colorado but believe me when I tell you it's the best candy ever to be made in the history of forever. It is fucking delicious. And I'm giving one of these gift certificates for a one pound box of See's Candy away to one of you! It can also be used on their website for those of you who live in an inferior city** and aren't near a store.
- Leave a comment on this post by Thursday, May 22nd at 11:59pm (pst)
- You can leave as many comments as you want but your name will only count once
- I will write each name on a slip of paper
- I will put those names into a bowl or hat or some kind of holding device
- Mr. Farklepants will draw the name and that person will win
- I will announce the winner on Friday, May 23rd and that person will email their address to me and prepare to have their mind blown.
- I will send them the gift card for the super delicious candy.
- And that person will have an orgasm (this could be you!!)
- Best contest ever
**I'm totally joking about the "inferior city". Please consider this when composing your comment and/or your hate mail