All We Can Do Now is Call a Priest and Make Sure it's Comfortable

The television in the boys' bedroom is dying. It started with a few wavy lines like when you tried to watch porn through the scrambled channel when you were younger. Yes way you did, don't lie. [of course, it doesn't work that way anymore because now when you encounter a channel that you don't pay for it's just blank with the words "you must subscribe to view this channel contact your local provider, etc", so our children are saved from jumbled yet discernible sex-having, viewing. Now they have the internet. Fastidious parents need apply] And about that, they really should have done something about the audio while they were busy making sure you couldn't see almost some of everything. I learned so much from hearing what I wasn't allowed to watch. Sorry for the digression through Smut-ville...

The tv. The wavy lines grew heavier and then the color became ultra saturated. And now if something too bright (i.e. outdoor shots) airs, it makes this god awful humming/buzzing sound. And the brightness blows out the color and it's like looking into the sun. Yet still, they watch. Heh. After fiddling with the wires, outputs, and inputs, I've diagnosed that the television is suffering and it is stage four. And it's not even that old. Poor thing. To go so young.

My mother in law purchased the tv not long after we moved into our current home because she couldn't sleep in the guest bedroom without one. And we didn't have a spare [nor do we have a guest bedroom any longer because that was several children ago]. It is only eleven years old. Which I guess in technology years makes it Rip Van Winkle. But get this bit: it's not the oldest one in the house either. The one in the master bedroom is a holdover from my single one bedroom apartment days and won't become obsolete until next year when everything goes HD. And the one in the living room that the kids use to watch their DVD's and play various video games was a gift from my parents on my sixteenth birthday. Do you even KNOW how old that is? I can't count that high! That one? Is older than each of my younger sisters.

And the only reason we replaced the one in the family room with a wide screen was because the one that was there? The one that belonged to Mr. Farklepants before I even knew he existed? Finally slit its own throat.

Mr. Farklepants and I are what you could call STR. Slow To Replace. When it comes to certain technology and household appliances we will wear them into the ground before shelling out the cash for something shiny and new. Take my oven for example. It's a disaster. Baking is considered an extreme sport around here. If the instructions on the box of brownies says bake for 40 minutes; you'd better check them at 20 because chances are, they're starting to burn around the edges. Cookies? Five minutes. If you can smell cookies it's too late.

I have a feeling it will be never quite some time before the boys have a functioning television in their room again. See, Mr. Farklepants wants to do a computer monitor/tv all in one type deal in there. Except it won't be done until he finishes taping, spackling, and plastering the wall he built that turned the loft into a bedroom. Five years ago. The home improvement project that I like to call: ohmyhell that's a bottle of vodka and a story for another day...