Monday, November 17, 2008

All We Can Do Now is Call a Priest and Make Sure it's Comfortable


The television in the boys' bedroom is dying. It started with a few wavy lines like when you tried to watch porn through the scrambled channel when you were younger. Yes way you did, don't lie. [of course, it doesn't work that way anymore because now when you encounter a channel that you don't pay for it's just blank with the words "you must subscribe to view this channel contact your local provider, etc", so our children are saved from jumbled yet discernible sex-having, viewing. Now they have the internet. Fastidious parents need apply] And about that, they really should have done something about the audio while they were busy making sure you couldn't see almost some of everything. I learned so much from hearing what I wasn't allowed to watch. Sorry for the digression through Smut-ville...

The tv. The wavy lines grew heavier and then the color became ultra saturated. And now if something too bright (i.e. outdoor shots) airs, it makes this god awful humming/buzzing sound. And the brightness blows out the color and it's like looking into the sun. Yet still, they watch. Heh. After fiddling with the wires, outputs, and inputs, I've diagnosed that the television is suffering and it is stage four. And it's not even that old. Poor thing. To go so young.

My mother in law purchased the tv not long after we moved into our current home because she couldn't sleep in the guest bedroom without one. And we didn't have a spare [nor do we have a guest bedroom any longer because that was several children ago]. It is only eleven years old. Which I guess in technology years makes it Rip Van Winkle. But get this bit: it's not the oldest one in the house either. The one in the master bedroom is a holdover from my single one bedroom apartment days and won't become obsolete until next year when everything goes HD. And the one in the living room that the kids use to watch their DVD's and play various video games was a gift from my parents on my sixteenth birthday. Do you even KNOW how old that is? I can't count that high! That one? Is older than each of my younger sisters.

And the only reason we replaced the one in the family room with a wide screen was because the one that was there? The one that belonged to Mr. Farklepants before I even knew he existed? Finally slit its own throat.

Mr. Farklepants and I are what you could call STR. Slow To Replace. When it comes to certain technology and household appliances we will wear them into the ground before shelling out the cash for something shiny and new. Take my oven for example. It's a disaster. Baking is considered an extreme sport around here. If the instructions on the box of brownies says bake for 40 minutes; you'd better check them at 20 because chances are, they're starting to burn around the edges. Cookies? Five minutes. If you can smell cookies it's too late.

I have a feeling it will be never quite some time before the boys have a functioning television in their room again. See, Mr. Farklepants wants to do a computer monitor/tv all in one type deal in there. Except it won't be done until he finishes taping, spackling, and plastering the wall he built that turned the loft into a bedroom. Five years ago. The home improvement project that I like to call: ohmyhell that's a bottle of vodka and a story for another day...

30 comments:

Renée aka Mekhismom said...

I wonder how your children are going to respond once the tv goes out for the big one. I know I enjoyed not having a television in my bedroom for years but I am not so sure they will feel the same way.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Do not replace it, especially with a computer/TV combo. Every single law enforcement official we know agrees that the only place for Internet access in a house with children is in a well-trafficked common area. They are less likely to get into trouble that way.

You are a young one. When I was a kid, there were no porn channels.

And my word verification is "flair." I'm guessing it knows you!

O'Neal (The woman in charge around here) said...

The boy has a TV in his room and I swear it is from the Flinstone's era but it is STILL going strong! The odd thing is, I didn't plan on any of my kids having a TV in their room until they were 16 or so, like I was when I earned that privilege. I don't know how exactly it happened, but I know it involved some serious deal making, prospective play station butt kicking and ME getting to sleep in on a Sunday morning!

Poor hubby was more bummed about the bad report card warranting TV removal than the boy was. I think I may just add "when the ice maker is hooked up & I'm not filling ice trays" to the grades coming up requirement!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

I think you once commented on a post of mine that we have the same TV set in our family rooms. Mine was sold to us along with the house, so there you go. Substandard. But as long as I sit directly in front of it in a darkened room? Good enough.

Madge said...

i have an ohmyhell kitchen that actually requires a case of vodka to even walk into.... 12 years and counting

smalltownmom said...

Now I really want to hear about the ohmyhell project.

JoeinVegas said...

I think I've got some in the freezer with that lemon peel in it. Smirnoff - should be pretty good by now. Sit down and I'l get it out and tell us the story.
As for tv in bedroom, let it die. They can come out to the family room and join the group once in a while.

One Reader said...

Hey what's this about my T.V.'s being obsolete??? They are all less than 15 years old... I think. Dude, they can't even drive yet. How can they be obsolete? Stupid HD crap.

Undomestic Diva said...

We are also STR but that's because Candy Ass is what you might call a CB (Cheap Bastard). He has to research and panic and research some more for a good two weeks before parting with a sum of $25 or more and then once he does, holy hell, it's not even worth it. What kind of man gets all cranky and bitchy bringing home a big screen? A CB, that's who.

This Mom said...

How old are your boys??? They have their own TV????

My kids(5) have to share one in the Playroom. NO TV in bedroom. Man I quess I am a mean mom.

All Adither said...

We're the same. Both our TVs are ancient. I think one might even be 30. Our CD player skips. I'm surprised we're not using digital clocks with numbers that flip.

derfina said...

I shudder when the Unit 'tries' a home improvement project. I get visions of Tim Taylor every time he picks up a hammer, and the results of his projects tend to involve trips to the ER, so that vision is not too far off the mark. Good luck!

Swirl Girl said...

We have a tv in our bedroom that is about 25 years old - no kidding. Hubby got it when he was in college. I think when he opened a bank account.

Then cheapo me went to Target and bought a TV for like $65 dollars for the guest room. It has a high pitched whistle like a steam locomotive inside it when you turn it on. For when my mom who comes about 2 times a year sleeps in there.

We did use our AMEX points to buy a decent Sony for the family room.

All three will go out at the same time, and I hope I survive the blitzkrieg.

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

You could try hospice. I hear they are great at end of days pain managment. They help the whole family, too.

KEEP BELIEVING

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I'm rather waiting for one of our tvs to bite it so we can get a flat screen--but they are all hanging on --every bulky inch of these geriatric SOBs--so I'll happily ship one to your sons. The postage will cost more than the original set, but I can guarantee a many long years of viewing pleasure.

Stacie said...

I am currently replacing, and i mean currently as in 5 minutes ago, the bolts that hold the tank of the toilet to the base. They are rusted and won't budge. This is my Ohmyhell moment for this week. one bolt down, one to go!

Jennifer H said...

We're STR around here, too. We didn't even buy a DVD player until about 3 or 4 years ago. Very slow.

RIP, TV.

Burgh Baby said...

I am very sad that the TV I have had since I was a kid is going to be obsolete soon. It has out-lived at least four others that Mr. Husband JUST HAD TO HAVE OR HE WOULD DIE. I fully expect that the ginormous plasma TV in our living room will be croaking soon because it MUST die before my old faithful TV goes to the big entertainment room in the sky.

Oh, and you're nicer than me. The Toddler can have a TV in her room when she's paying my Nursing Home bills, and not a minute sooner.

Mary Anna said...

We're of the "if it ain't broke, don't replace it" variety too. It makes good budget sense, but I'd love to have a fancy schmancy TV in our family room.

But ... Paul and I've decided that we're giving each other a Wii/Wii Fit for Christmas! I guess it will go in the game room to be played on the TV my mother brought one weekend because she wanted one to watch when she visits.

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

I can send you some holy water if you need to bless it before it goes. It's giveaway week at my place. Try to stop by.

kmbrknits said...

I think they just build stuff to die sooner on purpose these days (gosh, I sound like a crabby old lady). I still have the crapass Emerson tv that started my glorious credit history in 1986. It has endured 3 major cross-country moves, and is still going strong in the guest room. (Stupid HD. Nobody wants to know the skin conditions people on tv have.)

The reason our Things 1 & 2 were put on this earth was to entertain us, which they can only do if they're in the same room. Once the tv dies, you will enjoy the hours of withholding screen time—the wailing and gnashing of teeth, the imaginative reasoning. It is a wonder to behold.

And funny as hell.

Jason, as himself said...

I personally enjoyed that little walk through Smutville! Thank you.

Stephanie said...

You are such an awesome writer! I was laughing the whole time I read this. I'm dying for a plasma in my room at night. We have a stegosaurus in there right now that might just blow up when everything goes HD. Not just might, it's pretty much guaranteed. Here's to new TV's!!!

Saucy said...

I know I am a bad mother but I am a firm believer in having a TV in my kid's rooms... and they barely watch! I think mostly because it is right there, they don't feel the need. I don't know.

OHmommy said...

I love your family. I want to hear about that project too. That is all.

The Glamorous Life said...

I am sorry to hear about the inevitable passing of a loved one. It always breaks my heart when there is such a strong connection to their family. I am sure much love was shared by all over the 11 years.

With deep sympathy,
Marcy

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

Ha ha ha...I can SO relate. To the ohmyhell projects, that is. Its 29 deg in Milwaukee and snowed yesterday, and I'm still waiting for the hubster to finish putting the windows in on the front porch. You know, before the first frost.

JCK said...

Mmmm a loft into a bedroom. I will have whiskey handy for when you tell the tale.

Too funny on MIL desperate for TV in her guest room. You two weren't being...UM...loud or anything, were you?

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to let you know - everything is not going HD; it's going digital. This means your TV will still work as long as you have cable or another digital service connected to it.

ed said...

A片,A片,A片,A片,A片,A片情趣用品,情趣,A片,AIO,AV,AV女優,A漫,免費A片,AIO交友愛情館,愛情公寓,情色,情色貼圖,色情小說,情色小說,情色文學,色情,寄情築園小遊戲,色情遊戲,嘟嘟情人色網,一葉情貼圖片區,情色論壇,色情影片,微風成人,嘟嘟成人網,成人,18成人,成人影城,成人圖片區,成人圖片,成人貼圖,UT聊天室,聊天室,豆豆聊天室,哈啦聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,聊天室尋夢園,視訊聊天室,視訊聊天

麻將,台灣彩卷,六合彩開獎號碼,運動彩卷,六合彩,線上遊戲,矽谷麻將,明星3缺一,橘子町,麻將大悶鍋,台客麻將,公博,game,,中華職棒,麗的線上小遊戲,國士無雙麻將,麻將館,賭博遊戲,威力彩,威力彩開獎號碼,龍龍運動網,史萊姆,史萊姆好玩遊戲,史萊姆第一個家,史萊姆好玩遊戲區,樂透彩開獎號碼,遊戲天堂,好玩遊戲,遊戲基地,無料遊戲王,好玩遊戲區,麻將遊戲,好玩遊戲區,小遊戲,遊戲區,電玩快打,cs online情趣用品,情趣,情趣商品,A片,AIO交友愛情館,AIOAV女優,AV,A漫,免費A片,本土自拍,自拍,愛情公寓,情色,情色貼圖,色情小說,情色小說,情色文學,色情,寄情築園小遊戲,色情遊戲,色情影片,情色網,色情網站,微風成人區,微風成人,嘟嘟成人網,成人,18成人,成人影城,成人圖片區,成人圖片,成人貼圖,成人文章,成人小說,UT聊天室,聊天室,豆豆聊天室,哈啦聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,聊天室尋夢園,080中部人聊天室,080聊天室,中部人聊天室,080苗栗人聊天室,苗栗人聊天室,免費視訊聊天,免費視訊,視訊聊天室,視訊聊天情趣用品,情趣,情趣商品,愛情公寓,情色,情色貼圖,色情小說,情色小說,情色文學,色情,寄情築園小遊戲,色情遊戲,AIO交友愛情館,一葉情貼圖片區,情色論壇,色情影片,色情網站,微風成人區,微風成人,嘟嘟成人網,成人,18成人,成人影城,成人圖片,成人貼圖,成人圖片區,成人文章,成人小說,A片,AV女優,AV,A漫,免費A片,自拍,UT聊天室,聊天室,豆豆聊天室,哈啦聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,聊天室尋夢園,080中部人聊天室,080聊天室,080苗栗人聊天室情趣用品,情趣,情趣商品,愛情公寓,情色,情色貼圖,色情小說,情色小說,情色文學,色情,做愛,寄情築園小遊戲,色情遊戲,AIO交友愛情館,AIO,色情影片,情色網,微風成人,嘟嘟成人網,成人,18成人,成人影城,成人圖片,成人貼圖,成人圖片區,成人文章,成人小說,成人電影,麗的色遊戲,自拍,A片,AV女優,AV,A漫,視訊交友網,視訊,視訊交友,免費視訊聊天室,免費視訊,視訊聊天,視訊聊天室,UT聊天室,聊天室,豆豆聊天室,哈啦聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,聊天室尋夢園,中古車,二手車情色貼圖,日本A片,A片下載,情色A片,AV女優,A漫,免費A片,微風成人,成人網站,成人光碟,嘟嘟成人網,成人,成人影城A片,A片,A片下載,做愛,成人電影,18成人,日本A片,情色小說,情色電影,成人影城,自拍,情色論壇,成人論壇,情色貼圖,情色,免費A片,成人,成人光碟