Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Obama is President-Elect Now Let's Get Down to Important Baloney...

Like choosing the hypoallergenic First Dog. Here we have a Wirehaired Fox Terrier. Decent size. Sturdy haunches. And a face that can only be described as "colonial". Grade A stuff. All that's missing is his powdered wig, a shot of bourbon, and a pipe.

Another presidential looking dog: the Bouvier des Flandres. Fancy name for a fancy dog. Throw a monocle on this bitch and call it a freakin' day. You can practically hear her scream, I can't see a thing fetch my opera glasses!

Peru suggests this: WTH? Peruvian hairless dog. But, um, ew. Just say no to anything that looks like it could stand a few good rounds with some Rogaine.

Now that the Obamas have a couple of canine suggestions to mull over, let us tackle cabinet positions. Speaking of cabinet members, while doing my extensive research for this entry -where extensive equals one Wikipedia search about cabinet members- I learned that because they are in the presidential line of succession following the Vice President, Speaker of the House, and President pro tempore of the Senate - in the event that all of those people have a really super bad day- that the cabinet members are never allowed to all be in one location all at the same time. For instance, during the State of the Union Address, at least one cabinet member cannot attend and is kept in an undisclosed secure location. Which makes the SOTU drinking game really lonely. But I digress...

Cabinet positions. Just as George Carlin believed that the Ten Commandments were eight too many and was able to narrow them down to two which would have allowed "Moses to carry them down the hill in his pocket"; there are too many shelves in the presidential cabinet.

First: The Secretaries of the Interior, of Housing and Urban Development, of Transportation, and of Energy can be combined into one. Henceforth known as Secretary of Civil Engineering.

Also merge-able: The Secretaries of Defense and that of Veterans Affairs and it should be this guy from The Longest Yard:

So far we've eliminated four. Now let's unite the Secretaries of Commerce and that of Agriculture because what is food if not a commodity? And let's throw in Secretary of Labor in there because it just fits. New title? Secretary of Business Affairs.

We should also just go ahead and marry the Secretary of Health and Human Services with that of Education and it will simply be known as a high school principal.

We aren't finished. We're just going to do away with the Attorney General position altogether because it's been a couple of decades since warning labels became mandatory on cigarette packaging. If you don't know by now that smoking can kill you then there is nothing further the Attorney General can do for you.

Department of Homeland Security is through too. It was created under George W. Bush and frankly anything he's done has been a disaster. Wipe the slate clean I say.

The Secretary of Treasury can stay because I like money.

The Secretary of State is useful too but should be known as The Wing Man.

Now that we've thoroughly purged the cabinet, adequate room has been made for a new position that can only be filled by one man:

33 comments:

MamaHenClucks said...

Once again you step out there and show me that you can make ANYTHING funny. Ah politics. And dogs. And George Clooney.

Mommy2Twinkies-Deb said...

OMG Tootsie. You crack me up again! Love it! Love it! Love it! Thanks for making me smile on a tough day. I love your dog too.

JoeinVegas said...

No, no, no, we weren't talking about who you want to hide in your cabinet.

Timi said...

I think it's a great idea! Where's my ballot and pen? I'm in!
I personally love the Wired Haired Fox Terrier and think it should be the next First Dog.
My father-in-law calls our Fox Terrier Charlie Th Professor, which cracks me up.
Your discription fits perfect for their looks. This will make you laugh.......they are the biggest clownin around breed out there. Super smart, master of manipulation. They look all sophisticated but they are goofy dogs. Always doing something stupid for a laugh, putting on a show and just plain being silly. If you laugh at Charlie it just gets him wound up and he keeps going.
Always making you laugh.
More like our current President.
Great Post!
Timi

barbra said...

I like the first dog best.

And Wing Man? You crack me up.

Condi Rice, GWB's Wing Man! [[Shudder]]

Sue @ My Party of 6 said...

Loving this from inside the Beltway!!

mommypie said...

Yes, yes ... sadly we've recently had to deal with the hypoallergenic dog issue, and our family now includes a Shih Tzu.

Which I'm pretty sure is Japanese for "Eats Own Poo."

Maybe the Obamas would like this breed? I know where they could get one cheap.

scargosun said...

And you are not a presidential advisor because...


You make too much sense!

Laura said...

Can I be the assistant to the Secretary of Good God? And for the dog choice - why can't it be a cat? I know - allergies! I have them both - allergies and cats. The two can live together as long as shots and drugs are involved!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Just the political message we need to save the world from the seriousness upon which I keep stubbing my toe. Good job!

Martha said...

Wheaton Terriers are also hypoallergenic! When are you moving to Washington D.C. to advise the President - Elect?
George Clooney has my vote... for Whatever!

San Diego Momma said...

Oooo! I'd love to serve "under" George Clooney.
Sign me up, Obama's Merger of Cabinet Positions.

Mrs. G. said...

I'm Mrs. G. and I approve this message.

Bridget said...

And clearly the Secretary of Good God needs a secretary. I nominate myself because, hello, have you met me? George and I will get long just fine, thank you for this fabulous opportunity. Now close the door and mind the Do Not Enter sign.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

It is beyond me to understand why you are not on the transition team.

LuckyMe said...

Fun Post, Tootsie! You're right about "too many shelves in the presidential cabinet". You know there's some serious house cleaning in store.

PS, think you meant surgeon general. But we got the msg.

RuthWells said...

Rowrrrrr!

(Our goldendoodle is hypoallergenic -- and I *might* be persuaded to trade him for Secretary Clooney.)

Swirl Girl said...

You slay me!

In light of the economic crisis, I think Obama should purchase the new cabinet at Ikea...a more cost effective way of redecorating the White House.

and why not get a fish instead of a dog? why a dog?

Anonymous said...

Don't you remember Ronald and Nancy Reagan's Bouvier, Lucky? Lucky got sent to the ranch and Nancy got a little cavalier that dragged her around instead.

seachange said...

Tootsie- George is SO looking at me in that photo and not you! :-)

KD @ A Bit Squirrelly said...

Go to my blog. Search Lizzard the Terrorist then forward the results to the Obama family. If that doesn't convince them NOT to get a wire-hair Fox terrorist err terrier, nothing will. Wait scratch that. Tell them a gal in the NW has the PERFECT dog-- she is free.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Sea~ don't make me fly out there and hurt you.

MelADramatic Mommy said...

Yes those cabinets could definitely benefit from a visit by the Clean Sweep team. And if the Secretary of Good God needs an intern I'm available.

Media Child said...

Matron knows which cabinet she will be working for.

Minnesota Matron said...

Oh my - times they are a'changin' and the Matron just posted under son's account. She needs a Technology Wizard or Czar. Forget that whole cabinet thing. . .

MommyTime said...

Obviously, he also needs a Secretary of Levity, which should be you. Because sometimes things get just a little too tense in DC, you know?

Also, don't forget that Attorneys General are also especially useful if you want to screw with the judicial system or make hay with annoying little laws you don't feel like following. So getting rid of that one might be a hard sell with the Executive. Just a thought...

Jennifer H said...

You should be the secretary of something. Secretary of Style?

But there should definitely not be a Secretary of Doggy Style, no matter how good your recommendations are.

Nora Bee said...

I can tell you that HHS would never merge with the education people. It would be a disaster and just turn into some weirdo thing about sex ed in schools and no one would ever get mammograms. But I love the Wing Man.

pam said...

I'll be hiding in the Secretary of Good God's cabinet.

Saucy said...

Honestly, Tootsie you are amazing! You're a one-woman debt and government reduction plan.

On my ballot I would like to write in "Weimaraner" for first dog because, quite frankly, mine has bad gas and I should find him a new home.

Shonda Little said...

Too bad you weren't alive to help the Founders. Perhaps we could find a cabinet post for that hot piece of tail Brad Pitt.

ekbetsy said...

Tootsie, I hate to be the one that points this out, but I'm pretty sure it's the SURGEON GENERAL who warns against cigarettes. The ATTORNEY GENERAL is in charge of prosecuting Federal Criminals. So he's not really superfluous, unless you're a member of the Mob. Then you probably could do without him.

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