Thursday, November 20, 2008

'Cause a Postman is a Person in Your Neighborhood - In Your Neighborhood

Dear Person Who Is Living With Our Neighbors On A Temporary Basis And Parks Their Truck Regularly In Front Of Our Mailboxes,

I know you know that you're not supposed to block the apparatus that houses four of your neighbors mailboxes. I know that you know this because I have spotted the occasional note from our mail lady tucked into your windshield wiper blades, asking you to please park elsewhere. It is hard for me to ignore when I'm quite literally turning myself, sucking in my breath and side stepping just to squeeze between your truck and my mailbox. There was also that one time when your passenger side mirror prevented me from opening it altogether. At first I overlooked it and gave you the benefit of the doubt that perhaps you just didn't know that on this street we've all learned the hard way that parking in front of the mailboxes is frowned upon, seeing as how you're from Texas, as your license plate indicates. But once I knew that you knew that you were inconveniencing not only your neighbors but the whole delicate system of mail delivery; and once I deduced that you simply do not care or are unwilling to park your car at the end of the street where ample space is available because you perhaps suffer from a severe case of lazy bones jones - I've determined that you are just plain rude.

And the mail lady has had it up to here with your blatant disregard.

"Please stop blocking the mail boxes - Nobody is getting mail today 11/19"

You see what you've done? You've prevented me from receiving my mail because you think the post office needs to get over itself. So you decided to take this note from your windshield and offer a rebuttal of what's wrong with you mail person? Don't you remember 1950?:

"That shouldn't keep you from getting out of your truck and walk a few inches. Mail carriers used to do it all the time and walked. What's your problem?"

Well, I can tell you what the problem is but let me first say this: You're entitled to your bone of contention with the USPS, but please fortheloveofgod do not adhere your scathing and demeaning note to the post that houses the mailboxes as if you're speaking for all of us. Stick it inside your own mailbox and alert our dear mail carrier by raising the little red flag, letting her know she's got a little something in there...FROM YOU. Because when I see this note flapping in the breeze, I am apt to snatch it right off and take pictures of it for my blog throw it in the trash. Because A) You don't speak for me, and B) I quite like my mail lady and I don't think she deserves to have her day ruined by your misplaced defensiveness and quick temper.

Now, since you wanted to know what her problem was, I'll let you in on a little something: The mail delivery system for our neighborhood isn't designed for her to get out and walk at each stop. Most of our mailboxes in our little community are shared, and there are thousands of them. She does not carry a mail bag to lug around our junk, cards, bills, stimulus checks, and Victoria's Secret orders. Her truck is structured so that she can pull alongside the curb and deposit the mail into the boxes. It is an efficient system. It also allows for fewer mail carriers to cover a larger route. If she had to, as your disparaging note indicates, get out of her truck and walk a few inches AT EACH AND EVERY STOP if everyone blocked her path, we would get Monday's mail on Thursday. At 10 farking pm.

So cut her some slack. She's asked several times already and you didn't care. Now she got your attention. And now you've got mine because dammit! I didn't get my mail!

I mean really. What's YOUR problem?

Sincerely,

The Person Who Lives Next Door Who Thought You Seemed Like A Nice Person But Now Thinks You're Kind Of A Bitch

P.s. Now how many people have the "People In Your Neighborhood" Sesame Street song stuck in their head because OHMYGOD make it stop!

61 comments:

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Oh, that was Sesame Street? And here I was, blaming Mr. Rogers...

Isn't it hysterical, though? Here the owner of the truck refuses to park down the street and walk, but he thinks the letter carrier is lazy!

My husband carelessly chased away my favorite mailman of all time. Sigh.

monica said...

i'm thinking it is mr. rogers. because my husband read the post title and started singing the song and then spent a good few moments sharing with me how mr. rogers was a green beret and killed lots of people. and he wore a sweater to cover all his tattoos.

Steph said...

I say give your local sheriff a call and show him the pictures of the notes...at the very least, I'm sure this person could be ticketed how annoying...and disrespectful...but provided for some pretty darn funny blog fodder!

Lori said...

Passive Aggressive Note from the lazy truck owner was awesome ridiculous. You should submit it to the website.

You should accidentally wear clothing with lots of spikes or metal studs and when you have to squeeze by the truck to get your mail... Oops! Scratched the truck!

Sesame Street. (not Mr. Rogers, mostly b/c we didn't get Mr. Rogers and I loved sesame street and I know that song and now it won't stop).(oh the postman is a person in your neighborhood, a person that you meet each day).

Stephanie said...

How rude! I'm with Steph, you should give the ole police a call. Maybe they'll solve her "problem"!

Heidi said...

If the truck is gonna block the mailboxes anyway, think how much better it'll look with 4 flats...

Jenn said...

omg! How *rude*! Isn't interfering with mail delivery a federal offense? One could only hope!

I do like Heidi's idea though :)

I miss the old Sesame Street. The one now just isn't up to par, I don't think.

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

I have lived in communties with shared mailboxes and with mailboxes at each house. TOTALLY LOVE MY MAILBOX AT MY HOUSE!!!! Hard on the environment, I am sure as the mail lady drives her jeep looking mail truck and stops and goes from house to house. But, in the communities with shared mailboxes, it made sense. There were just too many houses to drive driveway to driveway and deliver the mail.

And? Totaly Sesame Street - not Mr. Rogers. I am a Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers guru. Never missed an episode from age 4 to age 8. 1976-1980. Then, I never missed an episode from age 30 to age 33. Kids were 1-4 at the time.

I now could recite every single farking episode of Spongebob just by looking at the title. Sad, I know.

KEEP BELIEVING

Mommy2Twinkies-Deb said...

That really is so rude. My husband and I were just talking about how many people just don't seem to get it. Whatever the it may be. It really is amazing.

womandriver said...

I think I would personally get the police involved. Maybe if this person's wallet gets hit a few times.. or his vehicle gets towed and isn't there when he wants to go to the store it might just wake this person up. I can not ... well... yes I can... believe that people can be so rude!

The flat tire idea sounds great but the police would be the better route.... :)

Laura said...

I'm definitely thinking a Barney Fife citizens arrest is in order for this jerk!

~Swankymama said...

This is a great post, but I know not near as funny when you don't get your mail! LOL

I don't get my mail either, but it's because my mail carrier has his head up his a$$.

calicobebop said...

ARRGGHH!! I want to slap that person too! Kudos to you for snatching that silly rebuttal and throwing it away. I hope the post lady slashes their tires next.

I'm feeling grumpy today.

Helena said...

Can you have his truck towed away? And write a note asking if he's got a problem now?!

Lo said...

uhm. it kinda sucks that you're the only person who's actually offended and taking action.. bc now it's your responsibility.

that said, since you (stole the notes)have the proof, take a photo of the car and then mail it/pass it off to the local police and let them tow his(? that was some pretty girly writing...) ass outta there.

but thanks for the post and the snarkiness. it went well w/my coffee!

smalltownmom said...

We had that issue many years ago, and found out that the mail carrier was not required to get out of the truck. Our issue was resolved peacefully. Good luck with yours.

How long is this "temporary basis" anyway?

jenontheedge said...

I'm with Steph...

Interfering with mail service IS a federal offense. Then again, not delivering the mail is also a big no-no for mail carriers. (My neighbor is one, so I get all the scoop.)

If the sheriff won't help, have the person towed. Every. Single. Day. until he/she gets the point. Yes, it's a hassle for you, but what if you were waiting for something really important in the mail and it wasn't delivered because of this a-hole?

JoeinVegas said...

Yes, hope you are doing more than just complaining here (though we do like to read about it). Go get 'em.

Preston said...

How funny! And that's why I don't socialize with my neighbors, whether they are Mr. Rogers or Mrs Bitch. LOL

Jennifer H said...

Yep, call the post office, call the police, or (perhaps) gather up the neighbors who get their mail from that box and knock on her door. Maybe even take muffins, or - I know! I know! - brownies. Laced with something unpleasant.

I double dog dare you.

Anonymous said...

Wonder how far Ms. Texas will have to walk when her truck is owed for hindering the USPS from delivering the mail? hmmmm...

martie of http://uncontainedchaos.blogspot.com

Baby Favorite said...

Okay, I know this is not Christian of me, but right now I'm considering driving the three or so hours to your neighborhood to KEY THAT F'ING TRUCK UP WITH A NOTE OF MY OWN.

OMG, selfish, inconsierate people infuriate me.

Mrs. G. said...

Jeez and crackers! Twit.

Ringleader said...

When I managed apartments, I posted a sign and automatically towed anyone blocking the mailboxes. They would storm into my office in a rage... but they never parked there more than once! People suck!

LaRue said...

I have to agree with everyone else and say call the police. Because not only is interfering with the mail a federal offense, but the US Postal Service pre-dates the constitution and they don't need things like warrants. (My husband worked with some postal inspectors once and learned all kinds of nifty things.)

And I love the urban legends about Mr. Rogers being a sniper and all that. I think he was in seminary then...

Good mail people are more important than slacker visitors of neighbors. Carpe diem and all that jazz.

g said...

this happens with my mailbox too, although mine is a single mailbox, there are sometimes people who park in front of it and prevent my carrier from delivering. (I'm talking to you, nice neighbor who nevertheless has so many visitors!)

Although my carrier places the nasty notes INSIDE MY MAILBOX. I don't know if she/he also puts a note on the car windshield - let's hope so.

Your self neighbor sounds like a piece of work, though, if she's doing it repeatedly. And answering back is really something.

Would it be time for an unfortunate incident with sharp objects and tires?

KD @ A Bit Squirrelly said...

I am with the other commenters. Have that truck towed. That sucks

Queenly Things said...

Our neighborhood assoc. just painted the curb in front of mailboxes a nice red. The police don't know that it's not theirs (because it's not like they carry a map with them marked with all the official red curb sites)and ticket people who park there (like my sister, Hah!). Worked like a charm.
In your Nay - bor - hood...

kate said...

I think all your commenters are being unresonable! Doesn't everyone realize the world revolves around Texas-Truck-Chick? Honestly!

~
I'm with the picture takin' tow truck and police callin' crowd. She needs to be inconvenienced in a very big way. Good luck!

Manic Mommy said...

I didn't realize this was a woman until I saw the handwriting on the second note. I don't know why that surprised me but I totally pictured a man.

Next time you have to smear your body past her car to get your mail, make sure your keys are hanging out of your pocket.

Tasha said...

You so need to send this to: http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/
Anyways, I agree with you. They are morons.
Natasha A.

MadWoman said...

Actually I was blaming Mr Rogers for the horrible song coursing through my head at lightning speed.

I think it'd be rather amusing to hear that someone got the truck towed. Really....the mail carrier is lazy? Ha!

Tootsie Farklepants said...

It's Sesame Street, I promise.

Mr. Rogers was "Won't You Be My Neighbor".

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I'm rather surprised you didn't lie in wait and haul off and bitch slap the SOB next time he got into his truck. I'd be FURIOUS--and mortified that the postal carrier thought it was me!

Thanks for that earworm, BTW

O'Neal (The woman in charge around here) said...

*New & Improved* note to post lady would say: I apologize for being a total douche with NO regard to the rest of the world,ESPECIALLY to the residents of this neighborhood. I will move my truck as soon as I find the money to put new tires on it - My extreme selfishness & assholishness caused them to burst. I'm sorry I inconvenienced you and will NEVER be such a prick to ANYONE ever again!

Oh, and you wouldn't happen to have a good biscuit recipe would ya? I'm offering a prize over at my place for the recipe that makes the best homemade biscuits! Yeah, my life is soooo exciting. ;)

scargosun said...

I am with Sunurban Correspondent. I was thinking MR too at first. WOW! What a bitch! I think that if she continues to do it you should place and egg on her car for each day. Maybe she'll get the hint then.

This Mom said...

I agree call the cops have the Biatch towed. Also I would go to the neighbor and let them see what thier kind house guest wrote.

You may also want to consider calling your city. Many have ordinances that prevent LONG term visitors. That is if she has been there a long time and is not a relative you might be able to have them notified that it is time for thier guest to get a place of their own.

EatPlayLove said...

our postman walks the beat. Sometimes he'll drive up a big package, but day in and day out, he's hoofing it.

kcinnova said...

Oh. My. Goodness!! While I really want to put on some spiked clothing and squeeze between the mailboxes and truck to get my mail? That would be immature of me and possibly get me sued or shot or something. You never know about people who walk around thinking they are so much better than everyone else! (Brownies with laxatives is tempting, though...)

Call a tow truck. It's obviously an abandoned vehicle. Talk with your local post office and your mail carrier. I'm sure they'd love to help you out in fixing this problem. It would be great to get the police to ticket the truck owner, but we already know what she thinks of notes left on her windshield.
Let us know what happens PLEASE!! In the meantime, I've got that Sesame Street song with ALL the verses running through my head. Yikes!

King of New York Hacks said...

As a former postal worker who knows the environment she works in and the pressures they put on you daily which is why I quit that crazy place,and people go postal here is my advice. RUN...NOW....and FAST!!

Madge said...

thanks for the song. thanks a lot.

Jaci said...

Wow. The Texan in the truck was PMSing that day. Writing a nasty note back to the mail carrier? That's pretty stupid.

Good thing I'm not a mail carrier--I would be tempted to rub my butt (with keys hanging from my belt) all over that truck as I tried to "squeeze in". Oops. I accidentally scratched it.

barbra said...

Maybe the HOA could have a meeting at IHOP to discuss the problem.

:-)

Painting the curb red sounds like a good idea to me!

Cheaper in Baht said...

Park Texas in. Get two cars and park the ray of sunshine in! A couple of days of not being able to drive that truck aught to get his/her attention.

Amy Fichtner said...

Thans for this post!! my husband is a mailman and it's nice to see someone stick up for them once in awhile!!

Angie said...

Oh, I love that song! But yes, now it's in my head - thanks.

The texas-truck bitch is obviously nuts besides being rude.

Good luck.

Saucy said...

Feh! Egg their car.

heather said...

It was very interesting that the next article in my feed reader after yours was this lovely story of abandoned mail:
http://www.slate.com/id/2204823/?from=rss
Reading your post, it's clear now WHY all this mail goes abandoned.

Tuesday Girl said...

song is firnly in my head in big bird's voice.
DAMN!

Bridget said...

I worked as a temp worker for the USPS and delivered mail every summer in college (BEST.JOB.EVER.) and let me tell you, there is no one hated more than the person who goes out of their way to mess with the mail carrier. Take her DOWN, girl!

Colleen said...

Our esteemed sanitation engineers kept leaving our big trash hoppers in front of our mailboxes, despite the fact that we kept moving the cans farther and farther away, and that I called to complain. We kept getting notes in our mailbox from our carrier. So I finally left one for her stating that I tried calling the garbage company and my cans start out on the other side of the driveway, but we're at work by the time they come and take the trash. Shortly afterwards we stopped having that trouble. I always wondered if she called the garbage company or logged some sort of complaint through the USPS. Either way, I always make sure to give my carrier a nice gift card at Christmas time.

Just curious...your neighbor has TX plates? What are your state requirements for registering your vehicle after moving to CA? I know in VA it's like 30 or 60 days...so the police may be doubly-interested in your neighbor and their truck.

Anonymous said...

No, definitely Mr. Rodgers. Sesame Street was sunny day. Its a beautiful day in the neighborhood was sung by Fred Rodgers at the beginning of Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood.

"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood, wont' you be my neighbor."

Sesame street may have sang it at one time, but it was Mr Rodgers theme song.

As for the inconsiderate idiot, I think it is almost a requirement that every neighborhood has one. On my street we have a guy who has 5 vehicles for three people and no on street parking in front of his house. Thus on Friday when he gets home from work at about 3:00 he will park 2 of his big A** trucks in front of my house or a neighbors house and leave them there until Monday morning. Frequently blocking the curb fro people to take out there trash cans.

When Politely asked if he would leave some space for trash cans he replies F*** you it is a public street.

Nice HUH?

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Nope. Two completely different songs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gC1rdq8u-Rk

LizP said...

(delurking)
I checked the CA-DMV site and here's what they said about having to register an out-of-state vehicle ...

Visitors whose vehicles are properly registered to them in their home state may operate their vehicles in California until they:

Accept gainful employment in California.
Claim a homeowner's exemption in California.
Rent or lease a residence in California.
Intend to live or be located here on a permanent basis (for example, acquire a California driver license, acquire other licenses not ordinarily extended to a nonresident, registered to vote).
Enroll in an institution of higher learning as a California resident or enroll their dependents in school (K-12).
Fees must be paid within 20 days of entry or residency to avoid penalties.

So if they're just guests of your neighbor calling the cops won't work. But if you know they're in school or working then a friendly call to the police non-emergency line would definitely be in order!

Our former across-the-street neighbors (we moved) used to park in front of theirs and our mail boxes. Four teenage boys and two a**hole parents who were too stupid to move their cars. So you have my sympathy!

OHmommy said...

Suddenly, I am happy that I live in rural Ohio and my neighbors are an acre away.

Oh, thanks for posting the Sesame Street song. Im gonna sing it all night long. ;)

Jason, as himself said...

I know this was not good for you and your other neighbors.

But this made for great blog material---stuff that just can't be made up!!!

I love how you took the notes into your house and took pictures of them. Then did you go tape them back up? Or did you really just throw them away?

JCK said...

Oh, I would be out for blood...

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Smackdown Tootsie-style!

Amy said...

That is hysterical! Why are people such douche bags?

joshua said...

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