Amazon.com: I'm Putting You On Notice!

When it comes to giving my children gifts, I strive to keep said gifts a surprise. "Do not open until Christmas", is my motto. When I order something online, I expect it to be delivered in a plain brown, non-distinguishable package; for a couple of reasons. For one, if I happen to be absent from my home when the package is delivered and left on my doorstep, I do not want the world to know what is inside the box. It might be something they'd like to have, and lets face it; that's all some people need to justify taking it (Hey! They aren't home. I want it. Must be for me! Thanks sucker.) And secondly, what else I don't want to happen, is exactly what did happen today. The doorbell rang and I, along with my Girl-Child whose self imposed job it is to answer the door (and this is the most fun thing ever for her to find out who is on the other side of the door. Honest. She doesn't need gifts. She just needs someone to go outside every once in a while and ring the bell. Her own personal heaven.) find our friendly neighborhood UPS man on the other side, grinning. On the ground directly in front of him is the doll cradle I'd ordered for the Girl-Child presently at my side. How did I know it was the cradle? Because it is in its original packaging; no effort to hide it whatsoever. A giant picture of it is slapped on the front of the box. Hard to miss. This prompted me to open my palm, place it on my daughter's face, shove her thustly and slam the door. "Thanks", I called to Mr. UPS. "Just leave it there"! I looked down at my Girl-Child for any indication that she'd actually seen the box. But all she did was look back at me with an expression that can only be described as "WTF, Mom? What's with all the face pushing?". Or, "Are you high? Don't make me open up a can".

Two words for those who ship: Brown Wrapper.