Monday, November 12, 2007

It Totally Sucks So Don't Bother

I finally got around to taking the rugrats out to see "Bee Movie". Frankly, I didn't want to go opening weekend because I live in Everybody-Has-A-Kid-Land, and the theater would be nuts. Secondly, I've had no real desire to see this movie judging by the trailers they've been shoving down our throats for the last, what is it now?, six months? They really marketed the hell out of this thing. It just didn't appear to be all that funny. I should always trust my gut. It rarely lets me down. This movie sucked outrageous amounts of ass. How can someone like Jerry Seinfeld; the former reigning king of prime time comedy, be THAT much not funny? The jokes were corny and so predictable I could see them coming before the scene had even been set. So I thought, hey, it's a cartoon so I'll judge the reaction from the children. Silence. Lots of silence. I heard a few collective laughs from the wee ones in the audience, but really, I heard more rumblings and fits being pitched from sheer boredom. And crying. My own girl-child even begged to go home three quarters of the way through. And she'll sit through anything.

Not only did I sit there and suffer through only the third movie in my lifetime that I actually considered walking out of (and perhaps demand my money back for this colossal joke they've pulled on me), but I had to do it sitting next to a woman who I think stood outside in the sun on purpose just to get her scalp sweaty enough for me to smell through the whole movie. Of course, I wouldn't have HAD to sit next to her if it weren't for the pimply faced manager who asked us to move one seat down to accommodate the sold out show to late comers. Listen. I like the aisle seat when I'm out with the kids. I like to be able to make a clean getaway just in case. I get there early to plan for easy access. I'm a little anal like that, but that's me. My family and I took up the first four seats...aisle to four seats in. No gap. It was the family that came after us and climbed over us that chose to leave a buffer seat between us, perhaps trying to avoid my youngest son's cooties. I dig. Why didn't I argue with the young manager and point out the obvious that our moving down one seat just brings the one extra seat from the middle of the row to the aisle? Because I'm stupid and cave to anyone wearing a uniform who barks orders at me. My bad.

I give this movie 2 thumbs down. I'd give it more but I only have two.

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