Open Letter to Mr. Two Items

Dear Mr. Two Items,

As I stood in the regular check out line in the grocery store today, I could hear you sighing behind me. Perhaps you were trying to let me know that you'd appreciate it if I'd let you cut ahead of me. Or maybe you're just really sad and felt that sighing was the best way to illustrate this. In the past, Mr. Two Items, I would regularly let other "less than 10 item" folks such as yourself go right on ahead. It was the least I could do, courtesy-wise, considering my basket and my fellow mass product shopping cohort's carts, were keeping those like you from a quick in and out. Then it occurred to me one day, Mr. Two Items, that it is people like you who are being rather discourteous to our already congested lanes. You have a special place just for you, Mr. Two Items. It's called the "Ten Items or Less" lane and it's usually checkout stand #1. Because you're #1 and you are speschuuul. The next time you're standing behind me, sighing and tapping your foot; and if I had eyes in the back of my head I could probably see that you are rolling yours at me, I will, in the most pleasant way possible, direct you to your appropriate aisle. Because I'm courteous like that.

I hope you enjoy your AAA batteries and your Sprite. Good afternoon.