Thursday, November 22, 2007

Let Them Eat Pie!

The holiday season is my favorite time of year. I love spending time with family. I love shopping for gifts. I love gift-giving, more so than the receiving. And I LOVE throwing my diet out the window for a couple of days here and there and be able to justify it. (Leftover pumpkin pie for breakfast! Pumpkin is a fruit, yeah?) One thing I do dread, though, and I dread it because it happens almost every year, is when certain adult family members take this together time opportunity to school my children on what and how much they should eat (we aren't spending Thanksgiving with these particular family members so my dread is premature at this point, but it will happen by Christmas you betcha!). I KNOW what my kids like to eat and what they'll tolerate. Mealtime can be a struggle in our house but I feel that if I can get a stalk of broccoli, a cauliflower florette, a chicken breast, and a wheat roll into them for dinner, then I'm Mom of the Year in my book! Breakfast is big with my kids. They love scrambled eggs and wheat toast. They're hip to breakfast meats. My Girl-Child is having a love affair with peaches currently. They drink plenty of water and milk, and only one out of the three of them even likes soda which is a special treat for him because I rarely let him drink it. My point is that they eat a pretty healthy diet even if it is very limited and lacking in any variety. So what? They're healthy and not obese. Again. Mom of the Year.

One thing that irks the ever lovin' hell out of me is when another adult will a) question the limited variety and portions on my children's holiday dinner plates, and b) insist that they try a vegetable casserole or three and slop some on their plate, and c) tell them that they won't get dessert if they don't, and d) criticize ME through THEM. (i.e. "Your Mommy isn't going to let you have dessert if you don't eat some more, IS SHE???" ...when they can clearly see that it is I who fixed their plates initially, so yeah, obviously it's okay with me) These people do not live in my house nor are they even aware of what my children's daily diet consists of. If my children want to pick at their turkey and scarf down some rolls and still eat their holiday desserts, then that is my call. I've been a mom for 11 years. I'm a veteran. I'm not new to this whole parenting thang. I've got some Mom-cred. So please. It's a holiday. It's special. And it's rare. Any person (of the non-meddlesome kind) would rationalize that my children do not live on a strict diet of pie and candy.

So this year, when it happens (because it WILL), and I hear the phrase "Your Mommy isn't going to let you have dessert if you don't eat some more, IS SHE???" (while they look at me for my reaction in their favor), I'm determined to come back with a witty (read: sarcastic) remark like, "Oh sweetie! Did I give you turkey? I must be out of my head. I meant to give you an entire pie with a mountain of whipped cream...just like EVERY NIGHT AT HOME ON A CONSISTENT BASIS. Whatever was I thinking. Turkey. Feh! Get these children a pie, toot-sweet!"

Yeesh. Now I've gotta get my tukus downstairs. There's cooking to be done and a turkey to tend too. I've got to stuff and butter up that bastard so he'll be in the oven on time! I'm also going to sautee my veggies in MORE butter before adding them to the stuffing this year. If I don't clog at least one artery before I go to bed tonight, it just ain't Thanksgiving! Happy Thanksgiving!!!


Chester The Bear said...

There was an interesting study published down here in Oz just this week, conducted by some university types with a grant who need to get out more, that found that using the dessert thing as a reward is about the WORST thing anyone can do to your children.

"Eat this disgusting vegetable pie or you won't get dessert" teaches children that every time they do something mildly unpleasant, they deserve a sweet treat, which, later in life, means that getting through the first hour of work in the morning deserves a Mars Bar and a Coke.

So tell you relatives to pull their heads in and leave the mommying to someone who actually knows what they're doing.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Yay! Thanks for backing me up!