Monday, February 25, 2008

Brief Oscar Timeline

Tootsie goes to watches the Oscars:

- Red carpet arrival. Tootsie mocks many frocks. She admires few.

- George Clooney arrives. Tootsie tells family to STFU.

- Awards officially start. Tootsie enjoys shrimp cocktail.

- During recaps of past Oscar ceremonies Tootsie spies Fred Astaire. Looks to her mother for confirmation and receives it in the form of inconsolable weeping. Definitely Fred Astaire.

- Marion Cotillard wins best actress. Tootsie notes that when if she ever wins she will not do it dressed as a mermaid.

- Hillary Swank announces In Memoriam segment and Tootsie is in tears before "memoriam" leaves her mouth. All women in room are sobbing.

- We are mocked by men in the room. Tootsie then feels bad for mocking the size of Hillary Swank's teeth.

- Tootsie notices that the bulk of Oscar winners speak with an accent.

- Tootsie doesn't understand what Javier Bardem said. But she thinks it was bueno.

- Tootsie also has difficulty understanding Irish accents.
- And French.
- And Austrian.

- Tootsie wants to hump Jon Stewart for letting Marketa Irglova return to the stage to give her acceptance speech for best song.

- Pizza arrives. Tootsie has a red velvet homemade cupcake in lieu of pizza.

- Tootsie helps herself to a chocolate cupcake as well.

- During recap of past Best Picture winners Tootsie notes that the 70's was THE decade for great movies.

- Tilda Swinton stuns Tootsie with Best Supporting Actress win.

- The Cohen brothers can't be beat.

The end.

23 comments:

Mrs. G. said...

I couldn't understand Javier either, but it really didn't matter. His eyes told me everything I needed to know-like that he loves me passionately. And he brought his mom.

Karen said...

Since I didn't watch (I'm lame, what can I say?) I appreciate the recap. Seems as though I missed little.

Minnesota Matron said...

The Matron experienced a similar evening, complete with the tears.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I think you'd look hot dressed as a mermaid. Just sayin'.

Madame Queen said...

I cried during every montage. Fortunately Mr. Daddy went to bed early so I could weep in peace.

Tilda Swinton also stunned Madame Queen with her win, but MQ was extraordinarily pleased b/c MQ LOVES Tilda in "The Ballad of Little Joe"

Madame Queen said...

OMG, I'm totally wrong!! Tilda was NOT in The Ballad of Little Joe. I think I'm getting that movie confused with Orlando, in which she DID play a man. Sheesh. Good thing I did so well on your meme or people would think I was some kind dummy. Which, by the way, I hope I didn't spoil your Black Panther meme party too much.

Melissa said...

It was almost like I was there! Thanks for the recap!!

Stu said...

The STFU part is great. I kept having to look people up on the laptop for the ladies at the party so they could fawn/dismiss whoever they saw.

I was the lone man at Stephanie's party. I am allowed to stay only because I pour wine and keep food available.

-Stu

Fannie Mae said...

And WTF was up with Mrs. DDL's dress? OMG - the worst EVER.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Thanks, BBM!!

MQ~ Spoil it?!? You ROCKED!!

Stu~ Mr. Farklepants spent the evening on his laptop as well.

fannie mae~ It was like she fashioned it out of left over Christmas ornaments and some stuff she found in the 80's.

Don Mills Diva said...

Sounds about right to me Tootsie!

dazzlingdz said...

How could you forget the part about the GORGEOUS pizza delivery guy?!? Wow.

I'm still sniffling from the In Memoriam. :(

JCK said...

Oh, yes..very AMUSING Miss Toots. I'm sorry, but I cannot keep the secret any longer. The burden is too great. You were there. Last night with George. I have written all about your hot pants on my blog today.

jennifer h said...

I don't think DDL and his wife go out much. Or have a stylist. Or else DDL would have worn black shoes instead of brown. And they would have been polished. Which, IMO, is the bare minimum in grooming when you are nominated for AN OSCAR, for the love of god.

I cried when Marketa Irglova got to come back out to say her thank yous. I heart Jon Stewart, too (ohhh, you said hump...yeah, that too) And he still finished 15 minutes early.

standing still said...

I always look forward to seeing King Jack sitting in the front row wearing sunglasses. Child asked, "Mom, is he blind?"

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Way to try and cover your tracks. I've been over to Motherscribe so I know the truth! And I want in next year!

ALF said...

I am jealous of your chocolate cupcake.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

dazzlingdz~ Oh my. He was a nice surprise.

jck~ is a tattletale. And she's BEEN to the Oscar's, ladies and gentlemen.

jennifer H~ DDL and company clearly haven't hired a stylist.

standing still~ I love that other movie stars are star struck by The Nicholson.

Jenn~ I don't know what she's talking about ;)

ALF~ you should be. It was delicious.

tammy said...

Can we please discuss George's date? I mean, if you're going to go to the Oscars with the hottest man on the planet, could you please not wear a dress that looks like an Easter tablecloth?

Melissa said...

I loved this post. I miss going to an Oscar party (2nd year out) and this was a lovely substitute so thanks for letting us in. And ditto on the humping Jon Stewart bit.

Colleen said...

I was also scared by the size of Hillary Swank's teeth.

Even my husband gasped at Mrs. DDL's dress...I think a gal in Kentucky with a BeDazzler could do better...

I actually kind of like Marion Cotillard's dress, but I like mermaid-wear...easier to hide my square-shaped feet. Seriously...my feet are size 6 and they're a little wider than average and I have stubby toes.

And while I got to breathe heavy every time the camera showed Johnny Depp and George Clooney, I was seriously missing my Orlando Bloom.

dkuroiwa said...

I was working (it was Monday here in Japan!!) and we had to record the show, but I'm thinking that after reading your personal re-cap and everyone's comments, I may "pass" on actually watching. It would be better to watch, I think, with the computer nearby and your comments so I can read them...it will feel like you all are here with me!!! I may make chocolate cupcakes to make it more "real"!!!

Tootsie Farklepants said...

dkuroiwa~ Japan!!! I'm just blown away that you're in JAPAN!!!