Friday, February 1, 2008

Oh Just Stop It Already!

I sneezed 37 times in a row. It could have been less or that number could be a gross underestimate. I don't know because after 20 I stopped counting. I know this doesn't really seem like anything to write home about; or blog about for that matter, but I'm usually a once-only sneezer. And I'm not really a fan of the sneeze. Hiccups and sneezing are right up there with the things I don't like that my body does without my permission. And yawning. Those mammoth sized yawns? Where your mouth opens so wide you could swallow your own head? Yeah. Those can suck it. So this excessive sneezing episode perplexes me. I haven't changed any soaps, lotions, hair products, sprays, or perfumes. I'm not allergic to anything but sulfa based medications. So unless someone snuck in here and pumped some of that into my heating system, it's probably not the source. However, it could be the wind. Most likely, at some point when I had to venture out, the wind lodged some microscopic asshole in my nose who's become an official nostril squatter. It may be time to call the sheriff and also consult legal counsel. Or? Kleenex.

In other random news: the bird is back and persistent as ever. He doth giveth me the willies. Although, out of utter curiosity, I did screw up some courage and stand on the side of the tub to peer out the window. Which, and you'll excuse me while I'm incredibly frank; scared the fuck out of the bird. This he was not expecting. So between the bird, the wind, and the sneezing I fear I'm being given a sign. And that sign says: OBTAIN ONE BIRD EATING CAT AND NAME IT WENDY AWAIT WORD ON EXPLANATION FOR THE SNEEZING.

16 comments:

Super B's Mom said...

Ok..I haven't seen it - but the bird already freaks me out.

Be careful that he doesn't peck your eyes out...

Minnesota Matron said...

Tootsie: I share your fears! I am no fan of birds, generally, but squirrels inspire deep panic and loathing. I'm certain they are all rabid and will attack me. Check this out: I cross the street to avoid squirrels.

Sigh.

But they're rats with tails, aren't they!

carmen said...

Bird-eating cat will just bring the limp, dead thing right to your door, and then want to eat it in the comfort of its, I mean your, home. Trust me. Been there. It's disgusting!

dorothy said...

You need to get yourself a BB gun, girl! (Just kidding, you might get arrested if you shoot the bird.)

That is so weird about the sneezing! It must be the wind.

Bunny Bunster said...

"official nostril squatter" HEE HEE!

Oh, and the bird..Freaky!
Maybe if you hang somethng shiney in the window that will scare Mr. Dirty Bird away?

THE MOM BOMB said...

Bless you! 37 times . . .

OHmommy said...

I was going to bless her 37 times. That was my comment. Except for the mom bomb beat me to it by hours.

The bird... freaky.

Cheri said...

Darn. "the mom bomb" got here first, and then "ohmommy" second, so Gezhundheit x 37.

Marlee said...

You TOTALLY crack me up!

And you can DEFINITELY have the Ding Dongs. ;)

JCK said...

That bird is straight out of a movie and not a friendly one.

I hate to suspect, but that horrific cold that is going around is first begun with lots of wierd sneezing. Hopefully it is just too much of that evil wind (Bush)and not the mighty wind (any other Republican candidate).

Karen said...

You'll soon be a saint with all those blessings.

Dude, that bird has issues. Get the cat.

A Mom Two Boys said...

You cracked me up and then JCK's comment made it even funnier, or more funny, or whatever. You make me laugh.

37 times is a lot. My college roommate used to sneeze CONSTANTLY, so I'm totally immune to sneezing people, but since you brought it up, even though 28 people beat me to it, bless you.

Back to JCK...can you be allergic to politics and stupid people? Hmmm...if so, you have 350-ish more days until it (keep your fingers crossed) will get better. At least there's an end in sight.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

I think I'm now set on "bless you's" until 2012! Let the sneezing continue! Actually, I was done with it by the time I typed the entry. But y'all are sweet. :)

jennifer h said...

That bird is a freak. Glad you scared the birdsh*t out of it. Although he may return with others. (I'm helping, aren't I?)

Glad the sneezing abated, and that everyone covered the bless-yous.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Just reading the word "yawn" made me yawn one of the head-eating monster yawns. Dude! Typing it did it, too!

Allie said...

I hate hate hate sneezing, especially while I'm driving. It takes everything I've got not to drive right off the road while having a stinking sneezing fit.