Monday, February 11, 2008

No Actual Cheerleaders Were Harmed In The Creation Of This Post

There's always that one child in the class. This one happens to be in Girl-Child's dance class. She's the child that doesn't actually take part in what is expected. She spends most of the hour spinning, doing combat maneuvers across the floor on her belly, drawing pictures in her hot breath on the mirror. Whatever. She's not my child and It's not my money being so obviously wasted. The problem is that it can be somewhat distracting to the other girls when the teacher has to redirect her; and to her credit she's pretty well trained at keeping the other girls on task while corralling the disinterested dancer. And MY daughter is bored? At the end of the class they get to do free dance with props (wands, tiara, hoola hoop, pom-pom) for the duration of one song. This time it was pom-poms. And this child is walking around whacking the other girls in the face with it. And it was fun for her, only. And she was no ametuer. She would wait until the teacher's back was turned and then BAM! Her mother's response? "She plays battle at home with her dad". Seriously. That's it. Not, "I'm sorry" or "I apologize", or "I'm so sorry". Just an excuse. If that were my child, not only would I be apologizing profusely to the other parents and children, but I would be removing said child from the classroom and taking this very perfect opportunity to teach her that you don't hit. Lord knows I shouldn't be talking about anyone's parenting skills because we all have our shortcomings. And sometimes kids are just gonna do what they're gonna do regardless of how many gold stars you have on your lapel; but this just screamed DIRECT CORRELATION! And this lack of ownership from the mother unleashed a rather unexpected, yet humorous reaction from the other parents: politeness. When one mother of a victim noticed her own little Suzy* throw up her arms in defense of the onslaught of purple and white making a beeline for her face, she says "Suzy* is just kinda funny about people touching her" [and she couldn't have said it in a nicer voice and I was stunned]. A father [who heretofore had been bragging in great detail about the vacation they'll be taking and the type of flooring they'll be laying down and "do you know we have some money? It's made out of money from the money trees in a little unknown country called Money, so it's very rare money, you know" - making me want to throw up in Girl-Child's dance bag] pipes up and says "oh, yeah. We play battle at home too." [Oh gosh! Ain't that precious? They play battle. He understands]. Me? I KNOCKED ON THE WINDOW TO GET GIRL-CHILD'S ATTENTION AND SAID IN A CLEAR VOICE, WITH PERFECT ENUNCIATION "JUST GET AWAY FROM HER!". Politeness can go suck it. That's my baby. And the mother who had reacted politely? Laughed. Let's face it. She wished she'd done the same.

*fake names to protect the very innocent survivors of the pom-pom onslaught.

15 comments:

Fannie Mae said...

Excellent response on your part.

Melanie said...

My husband wants to make a shirt that says, "Your Dog Is Kind Of An Asshole" but I'm thinking we might need a kid version.

Maybe put Girl-Child in a cute little dance shirt that says "Litigious."

Bunny Bunster said...

I would have liked to grab a pom pom and hit bad mama in the face with it to see just out she likes it?

Karen said...

Geesh, they start early don't they? She'll be the one to make the cheerleading team every year because she takes out the competition beforehand.

Madame Queen said...

I want one of Melanie's "Litigious" shirts! GAH! If that were my child I would have snatched her baldheaded, as they say. Or at the very least taken the pom pom away!

jennifer h said...

I now love you with all my heart. See, why couldn't I do something like that during the McDonald's shoe episode?? You need to give a seminar.

ALF said...

Good for you. You should have then smacked the mother in the face with a pom-pom.

A Mom Two Boys said...

Good for you! I hope, when presented with that situation, that I can channel you. Well, not that situation, exactly, since I have boys and my husband would rather DIE than put them in ballet class (even if it is good for football players).

Although, I'd probably say something like "hit her back" or "kick her in the shin" which wouldn't be appropriate at all. Would it?

standing still said...

I'm with you, Tootsie. Parents who prefer to be best friends rather than parent need to get the hell out of my way. I can be polite AND say, "Perhaps you should corral that sociopathic bully of yours, dear ..."

HRH said...

You go Mommy! I am so thankful for people like you and hope to always be surrounded by common sense...OMG!

stephanie said...

Well done. We need far more advocates and far fewer bullies...And their moms.

Marlee said...

WTF is "Battle" and do these dads REALLY play games with their kids where they all punch each other in the face?

Melissa said...

Good for you! I HATE manipulative evil little children--and I really, really hate their clueless, empowering parents. The only way to stop the evil is to call them on it. (Sorry, I'm reacting kind of vehemently here and it's my first time commenting on your blog--I'm normally not this angry! Just this situation is perhaps a little familiar.)

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Thank you, thank you! And you're welcome.

Melanie~ I want both shirts!

Standing still~ It's really all about the "tone" sometimes, isn't it?

Jennifer H~ Here is the formula you use: Mother Bear Instinct + PMS= Complete Lack of Patience.

a Mom Two Boys~ No. Not appropriate but to be honest, we've all thought it.

Melissa~ You've got moxy! Rant away!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Where were you for the great Gymboree incident of 2007? That was the time when a child three times Alexis' size SHOVED her and sent her FLYING SIX FEET for trying to sit in one of those crappy plastic chairs by the TV. The Mom's response? "She's not good at sharing." I was too mortified (and busy checking for blood) to say anything snarky, but you totally would have had my back.

I love me some Tootsie. She's bad ass.