School has been in session for just over a month now and fall is rapidly approaching which can only mean one thing: FUND-RAISING SEASON! And it's on like Donkey Kong. It all started innocently enough with the PTA and PAC membership drives before school commenced. But that's to be expected. The photo above is an actual photo [no stunt papers or manila folders were used in the creation of this post] of fund-raising paraphernalia ONLY [as in: separate from all the other school related memos and such] that is taking over my kitchen table. Our fund-raising schedule, let me show you it:
- Camp Read-Aloud: For $5 a head you can get a hot dog and a drink then travel from tent to tent one fine evening on the elementary school campus and have stories read to you. Would your family also like to host a tent?
- Magazine Drive: This organization descends upon the junior high with promises of such prizes as a chance to spin the money wheel, a limo ride to some Disney something-or-other, a trip in the mobile video game trailer, or an iPhone! They DO inform the children that they're going to have to sell about eleven-seventy magazine subscriptions to even qualify for the grand prizes but what they fail to instill is that there are parents out there like Mr. Farklepants and I who won't take this thing to work or every Tom, Dick, and Harry and solicit every random person we've ever met. So the prize the child is most likely to win is a blinking plastic ring or a key chain that farts.
- Fall Carnival: This elementary school event is threefold. And possibly four and fivefold as well. First there is the carnival itself which is $7 dollars per person to attend. This price includes access to unlimited games, inflatable thingamajiggies, a DJ for your listening pleasure [often with inappropriate music, wtf Drop it Like it's Hot?], however...
- It does not include the catered bbq. That's an additional $7.50 per person.
- In addition there are the raffle tickets that are to be sold prior to the carnival to enter the drawing to win things like big screen televisions or a cruise to Mexico. Raffle tickets? $5 a pop [better than last year's $10]. Five dollars is kind of a lot for a slim chance to win a kick ass cruise, dontchya think? The raffle tickets also put you in the drawing for the other fund-raising item...
- A themed basket. Each room is tasked with creating a gift basket filled with items donated by the parents. Often it becomes only a few of many families that end up making a contribution and the room mom is left to either make do or contribute the remaining items herself. Sucks to be you, Room Mom!
- The themed basket is then up for silent auction during the fall carnival. I mean, those that aren't designated for the drawing.
- You mean you need cakes donated for the cake walk too? Is store bought okay, because seriously, have you tried my cake?
It's all become so complicated. I needed an advanced degree just to fill out my magazine subscription order. Even our grocery store receipts cannot escape. Someone will be out front to collect them at drop off. To hell with school spirit...Can't we just write one big check to cover it all and be done with it? Can we please stop dangling cheap plastic
So I'm bitching about all of this [as is my way] to my esthetician while she waxed my brows Sunday morning and she's all, "Give me a break! I've got back to back appointments to remove hair from unspeakable places ON THE SABBATH so please spare me! My relationship with the Lord is in jeopardy"... maybe she didn't really say that but there was a look. I can't help how I interpret these things.
Man, I wish they were selling chocolate bars though. Because I'm totally PMSing which is going to make that well woman check up tomorrow quite the adventure.