Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Someone Stop Her From Making Horrible Puns

It was your average idyllic weekday morning. The fog haze cloud cover sun was just becoming full; throwing itself across the yard and warming the stucco of our neighborhood. Birds began their songs and the sounds of dry dog food hitting the dish were interrupted by a curious noise. Hmm, I say to myself; If I didn't know better I'd say my bush was humming [put that in your euphemism and smoke the shit out of it]. Whatever could that be? I wondered.

Was it coming from the avocado branch tree? and when we say tree we use the term loosley. Like, totally.


Five years and still no guacamole. Clearly this is not a fruit bearing stick.

How about the potted flowers that are still sitting in the vinca major left over from that wedding reception we held in our backyard nine years ago?


Maybe those bags of sand for that brief moment of sandbox building ambition?


[Fun little known physics fact: When twenty pound bags of play sand are left outdoors and exposed to things like moisture, dew, sprinklers, rain, and other things that fall under otherwise known as the elements? They become boulders.]

Could it be the dog's hidey hole?


[Little known home improvement fact: If you leave a piece of plywood leaning against your house for half a decade quite some time, the dog will build a fort out of it. All. By. Herself.]

Have you met the weeds plants that sprang forth from out of fricken nowhere and also managed to space themselves perfectly apart? Our yard does its own landscaping because it was all, "That chick that lives here? And us? Never gonna happen. Commence with the planting of yourselves".


Let's look a little closer at that do it itself garden:


ACK!!! BEES!!! Like, a million of them!


So many that I lost count and started naming them. We've got a swarm not to be confused with a "B" movie from the '70's. This swarm is not starring Richard Widmark. I'm not so much for the flying stinging insects. In fact, I have an irrational fear of them. Just another example of how I risked my delicate psyche to provide blog fodder. You're welcome.

25 comments:

calicobebop said...

Run away from the tiny yet scary creatures! Run!!!

Hey - I love your landscape aesthetic! I'm totally jealous of the plants that take care of themselves. I have debris. It's a gift.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

There's Ethel. She's got some 'splainin to do.

O'Neal (The woman in charge around here) said...

Now that is true dedication to go through all that (especially at the rate it takes blogger to load one frigg'n picture)just to provide your audience with reading material!

And don't feel bad about the 9 yr old plants, we have had plants next to the house (for SIX yrs!) that are still in the original Walmart pots from a yard sale that the people had bought 3 years before THAT and never planted... I have to admit those are some pretty determined plants to live despite all the passed off procrastination!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I love that your dog makes his own house. Smart dog.

Burgh Baby said...

Feel no guilt. I could do a year of posts just on Things That Never Happened Around the House. Near the top of the list would be the package of tulip bulbs that have been sitting on our front sidewalk for a year now. Apparently, tulips don't plant themselves these days. Dammit.

Minnesota Matron said...

Thanks for baring that psyche, toots!

Live.Love.Eat said...

You are so crazy...in a purely wonderful way!!!!!!!!!!

Karen said...

I am so relieved to see that other people's yards aren't perfect either. Only I wish that mine wasn't perfect like yours. Ours looks more trailer trash.

JoeinVegas said...

Sorry, we know you used that zoom button while taking pictures of the bees from the safety of the house. No sympathy.

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

We have Russian sages and some Autumn Joy Sedum or some shit like that and they can be renamed bee haven EARLY SUMMER and bee haven LATE SUMMER as far as I'm concerned. I do not touch nor weed around those bastards.

KEEP BELIEVING

Baby Favorite said...

Bees are like my #1 biggest fear in life. I have actually pushed PAST my young children to run to safety myself. True, yet pathetic, story.

All Adither said...

We have a bunch of those weird plants around here too. They're like the Paul Bunyans of the plant world.

Laura said...

And my husband has been trying to kill our grass to plant new - go figure! You've got magic plants - how cool! You know what they say about attracting bees with honey. Do you have an automatic honey supply around there too?

barbra said...

I love that grass! We had one of those at our old house. Such a big, proud grass plant. Ah, memories, of my cute-but-too-small-for-a-family-of-five house.

The bees will probably be gone in a few days. Some species travel around in a big group (I won't call it a swarm, to avoid negative connotations), stop in a tree for a few days, and then travel somewhere else.

If they stay more than a week, you might have to call someone.

Your avocado tree looks like it thinks it's at my house.

Debbie said...

You make me feel so much better by showing those photos. I often wonder what my neighbors really think about us. Then, I decide I never want to know.

Manic Mommy said...

Love your Charlie Brown avocado tree.

I do have to brag and tell you I've killed Hosta. They say it's impossible. Not for me

tammy said...

Tootsie, I am so with you on the whole irrational fear of bees thing. And? I am glad that I've finally found MY PEOPLE...the ones who have great landscaping intentions, but lack the time/energy/enthusiasm to complete them. Go team!

The Mom Bomb, a/k/a Folksy Mama said...

We have a magnolia tree just like your avocado tree. Maybe we could enroll them in group tree therapy or something.

Hate bees, especially the ones that never leave your hamburgers alone when you barbeque.

g said...

Oh, man. How true this post is. I could give a tour of the leftover bags of stuff and discarded junk around here.....

Thing is, if you just leave it long enough it will either return to nature or decompose somehow.....

You got too much other cool stuff to do.

Amy said...

I too have a fear of any sort of stinging insect. I do a fairly good job of acting calm in front of the kids so I don't pass my fear to them - but when I'm by myself it's a completely different story.

I actually squealed in the phone the other night while talking to my husband and trying to get away from the hornets!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Definitely stay inside and blog. For safety reasons of course.

mommy2twinkies-Deb said...

Too funn! Love the way your garden plants itself. I wish I could get my garden to do that!

Mel, A Dramatic Mommy said...

A bee flew into my mouth a long time ago and since then I hate them. It was the fuzzy kind but I hate them all anyway.

Autumn said...

How did you get those pictures of my yard??

Shamelessly Sassy said...

I need to some major, I mean MAY-JOR yard word. Seriously. You should see my yard.