Someone Stop Her From Making Horrible Puns

It was your average idyllic weekday morning. The fog haze cloud cover sun was just becoming full; throwing itself across the yard and warming the stucco of our neighborhood. Birds began their songs and the sounds of dry dog food hitting the dish were interrupted by a curious noise. Hmm, I say to myself; If I didn't know better I'd say my bush was humming [put that in your euphemism and smoke the shit out of it]. Whatever could that be? I wondered.

Was it coming from the avocado branch tree? and when we say tree we use the term loosley. Like, totally.


Five years and still no guacamole. Clearly this is not a fruit bearing stick.

How about the potted flowers that are still sitting in the vinca major left over from that wedding reception we held in our backyard nine years ago?


Maybe those bags of sand for that brief moment of sandbox building ambition?


[Fun little known physics fact: When twenty pound bags of play sand are left outdoors and exposed to things like moisture, dew, sprinklers, rain, and other things that fall under otherwise known as the elements? They become boulders.]

Could it be the dog's hidey hole?


[Little known home improvement fact: If you leave a piece of plywood leaning against your house for half a decade quite some time, the dog will build a fort out of it. All. By. Herself.]

Have you met the weeds plants that sprang forth from out of fricken nowhere and also managed to space themselves perfectly apart? Our yard does its own landscaping because it was all, "That chick that lives here? And us? Never gonna happen. Commence with the planting of yourselves".


Let's look a little closer at that do it itself garden:


ACK!!! BEES!!! Like, a million of them!


So many that I lost count and started naming them. We've got a swarm not to be confused with a "B" movie from the '70's. This swarm is not starring Richard Widmark. I'm not so much for the flying stinging insects. In fact, I have an irrational fear of them. Just another example of how I risked my delicate psyche to provide blog fodder. You're welcome.