Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Calling Tippi Hedren. Come In, Tippi Hedren

Some back story: When we arrived home from our vacation, I noticed that something had died a violent, bloody death outside and against the smallish window that sits above the shower in the kids bathroom. Now you're up to speed.

Today, all three kids are at school and I have the house to myself for 3 hours before Girl-Child needs picking up. I'm still playing catch up on all of my favorite blogs. I never realized how many I visit. Most are listed in my faves over there to your right. And there are a whole lot more that I have bookmarked and still need to be added. So, I'm doing this. And composing the previous entry when I hear a strange sound. Kind of a tap, tap, tap, bump, knock, tap, bump. I fear it is the dog trying to sneak into the trash while I'm busy up here. I dart out of the office to find her fast asleep just outside the door. I ask her, "what are you doing"? Her look says "well, I was sleeping, thanks and now I'm not". Hmmmm. Strange. And? The noise had stopped. Once again immersed in my affair with the Internets (yes, there. right there you saucy tart) the noise is back. WTH? Again I stick my head out and eye the dog. "Why do I get blamed for everything?" is the look I got. "Because you're guilty 90% of the time". Tap, tap, bump, knock, tap. Now the dog looks at me. "Does that sound like I'm in the trash?". "Well, no". "Does it sound like I'm sneaking onto your bed for a nap?". "Not really". "Do I have any remnants of your underpants stuck in my teeth that I've fished out of the hamper?". "Not today. No. And, by the way, please stop doing that."

Bump, bump, tap, THUMP! It's coming from the bathroom! I throw open the door to find a bird trying to come through the window. And in true Hitchcock form, he was tenacious, determined, and if you'll excuse me: stupid. "You can't get in". He clung to the screen, turned his head sideways and eyed me suspiciously with just the left one. The look said, "your house killed my friend and now you will all pay with your lives". Bump, bump, tap, tap, knock, THUMP! He's not even scared of me. At all. Me? A little bit afraid of his courage, thanks for asking. And? I'm not opening my windows until summer.

14 comments:

Madame Queen said...

Ay yi yi! And your conversation with the dog is hilarious.

Once in college, my boyfriend and I were visiting his dad in Florida over spring break. We returned home from dinner one night to find several pairs of my (dirty) underwear strewn about the living room. Their dog has filched it from my suitcase in my absence!

Mrs. G. said...

I have an irrational fear of birds dive bombing me. Don't open that window.

Maremone said...

I had the same thing..well sorta..almost...a little...happen to me. A bird flew into the side door of my house that is all glass. I took it as a compliment to how clean I keep my house :) YOu should too! Hoorah!

BusyDad said...

Once you are marked for peck, you are never safe. Word gets around and their network is large. I fear for your hair.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Madame Queen~ WTH is it with dogs and underwear? You must have died.

Mrs. G~ I have an irrational fear of flying, stinging insects. Sadly, I've passed this on to all 3 of my children. Mr. Farklepants reminds me of this often.

Maremone~ I should, but still...

Busydad~ NOT MY HAIR!!! Perhaps a beekeepers hat is in order?

JCK said...

That is a LITTLE creepy. Funny, but creepy.

Karen said...

Your poor dog. I have strong suspicions that he's been set up by the birds in the underwear incidents.

And after seeing the movie Birds, I now fear episodes like that. Good luck with the flocks.

Monica said...

Ugh - funny, but it brings back way too many disgusting memories of my dog and underwear... particularly at certain times of the month, which I'm gagging at now that I'm actually writing. Sick sick sick. Funny story about dogs (not really - it's pretty sick) but anyhow, our plumbing was being repaired and we had no running water so my hub decided it was a good idea to 'bury an elf' in the backyard. After he did (and literally buried it), he proceeded to watch the dog come and dig it up. And. Eat. It. Laughing the whole time, he then proceeded to let the dog come in and shower me with kisses.

Curses on men. And dogs.

Lulu said...

Okay - your post was funny! Very funny! I am scared of birds, too. But now, I'm a little confused by Monica's comment about "burying an elf." Does she mean poo-poo? Doo-doo? Shi-ite? Never heard of anyone burying an elf...

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Yes she does. You must go and read her explaination.

Melanie said...

I am deeply distrustful of birds, with their beady lizard eyes and chicken feet.

STAY INSIDE.

HRH said...

OMG that is frightening...couldn't he just take the warning from the other bird? If he won't heed that warning then what do you have to do?

Natasha Z said...

LOL! That's really weird. You know if it were me in that situation I would have let the bird in and played with it for a while. =]

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Well look who left a comment?! Yay! Hi! Yeah, you totally would have. You and your woodland creatures.