Wednesday, July 23, 2008

All That and a Jar of Salsa

In the Farklepants household, at any given time, you will find the above combination of snacks. That is Herdez salsa, and in my opinion, the best store bought salsa on the market. Why, yes, I have tried them all, smart-ass. And my summation: Pace is for people who don't know what salsa is supposed to actually taste like. And it's certainly not supposed to taste like hot ketchup (catsup? whatever, tomato/tomahto).

That little 'bag of chips that could' [because that bag is empty, y'all and look how its able to stand on its own!] are plain corn Doritos and there used to be a time when they were not found in southern California super markets. They were in places like Texas and Hawaii. So whenever someone we knew were going to either of those places we'd beg ask them to please ship us a few half-dozen or so bags. Mr. Farklepants introduced me to the chips early in our courting phase. And when I say introduced I mean "schooled" me:

Mr.F: I could go for some plain Doritos.
Me: You mean the nacho cheese? I'll go get some.
Mr.F: No. Plain.
Me: Nacho cheese?
Mr.F: No. Plain. The ORIGINAL Doritos flavor.
Me: Isn't that nacho cheese?

And then he proposed. The end.

In other hair related events: You'll be relieved to learn that the following has been remedied. And that would be the dark line that was dominating the real estate along my left hand side part representing six weeks of growth.

It wasn't without a little pain, however. I love my new hairdresser. She's local, fast, and cheap; and still manages to be awesome and gives good hair wash. I do lurves me a good hair washing. Yesterday was my third time in her chair and I'm getting to know her a little better with each visit. What I'm learning is that she's very outspoken. Yesterday she decided to talk politics and started the conversation by blurting out: I hope Obama isn't the next president. I don't trust him. There's something about him I don't like.

Then she went on to tell me how much she likes McCain and I refrained from snatching the shears from her hands and stabbing her informing her that I'm a bleeding heart liberal and McCain makes me want to hurl flaming kittens* at him; and focused all of my attention on the OK! magazine I was reading that featured celebrities without their makeup and making me feel a little better about my naked face after witnessing Julia Roberts, Katherine Heigl, and Eva Longoria sans professional assistance. And some deep-breathing exercises and taking an impromptu anger management course.

I'm just grateful that it wasn't my gyencologist during a routine pap-smear. I fear I would have clenched up during that episode, forever trapping the speculum in my vagina. know, at least it wasn't that.

*That would be kittens on fire. Not the flamboyant ones.


Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Note to self: Do not talk politics with hairdresser. I'd hate to find out he was voting for McCain and have to drown him in his own shampoo bowl.

Hair washing? He does Japanese scalp massage. You haven't lived until you've experienced it.

Nicole said...

My roots look worse. I am surprised I've been going around with them the way I have been. This will change in the next day or two.

Jennifer H said...

The scalp massage is my favorite part of the appointment. But I feel a little like a lesbian (not that there's anything wrong with that) if I say anything about how good it feels. And I feel like an ass if I don't comment at all.

Wait, this is a great question for your Friday column! How much appreciation is too much/too little when a girl is washing your hair at the salon? Should you just say it all with the tip and clam up during the wash? Help, Tootsie.

Please don't ban me from your blog. :-)

Your Pal Pinki said...

I started this research some time ago. I tell whoever my hair dresser is how wonderful and relaxing the hair washing part is before she washes it. It's been about 50/50 on their responses. Half will do an extra amazing job and make me fall asleep relaxed in the chair, the other half couldn't give a crap.

Seriously glad for all involved it wasn't your gyno, whew! : )

Amy said...

Really - they make plain flavored Doritos? I guess we live in one of those areas that don't have them.

And I'm still trying to find a decent hairdresser myself. The one I was going to wouldn't cut my hair the way I asked her too - she always said it was too short. So I went somewhere else and they did it and I LOVE it!

Undomestic Diva said...

I read the same issue of OK! in my hairdresser's chair and I wish I could say I felt better about myself after seeing those celebs sans make-up, but the truth is, there I was sitting under the dryer with foils and runaway dye dripping down my foreheard and, well, lookin' a little like a hot mess myself.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

You're a one-salsa woman? I discovered 3 different salsas in my fridge today while I was photographing its contents for my blog post. You make me feel so profligate!

And I had never heard of the "plain"
Doritos, either.

Madame Queen said...

Don't public section employees know you're not supposed to talk politics. It's like a rule or something.

HRH said...

Why didn't I get the memo that Wednesday was SALSA day? Really, that is an event I can sink my teeth into. Oh, and I couldn't agree more with you on your chips and salsa review. Oh, and I'm from Texas so that is not said lightly. Ya. We take such things pretty seriously. Oh, and Pace tastes like it was made in New York City. Not that I would insult New York that way, but they kinda opened the door to criticism over there at Pace. Oh, and I think I am done commenting. OH GOOD.

No I am not! I loved the proposal.

Anonymous said...

Oh, wow. The gynecologist comment just made me twinge slightly. I was just there on Friday, and I'm glad I don't have to go back for a long, long time.

Jamie said...

Talking politics with a hairdresser - YIKES!! I try to tell my hairdresser how awesome she is while she is holding the scissors around my neck and ears.

Caution said...

Last week my hair stylist asked how I felt about Obama and McCain. I knew I still had that hair washing waiting and if I answered right, I'd get an extra minute or two of message.

I guess I answered wrong.

Lisa Milton said...

I'm always surprised when people just launch into political territory with no warning or inkling on where I stand.

Especially when my head is on the line.

Laura said...

First time visitor - enjoying your blog, I'll be back!

Nothing more valuable than a good hairdresser!

Melissa said...

Holy crap, that must have been an hour of torture (doesn't McCain condone that shit?).

I'm pretty sure I would have had to tell her to knock it off...either that or give her a tip in pennies!!

melissa (also a bleeding heart liberal)

Marmarbug said...

Hell if my gyno said something that made me mad I'd fart. you know on eof the ones that I had been holding in.
That would show em.

Oh and for the record? I am not keen on ANY canidate. I think my kid would do a better job running our country than any of the so-called canidates.
That is all.

Ann said...

I'm forever confounded as to why I'm always hearing "that man scares me" - and then they can never really articulate why. Is it perhaps bc he doesn't remind us of all our other crap politicians and it makes everyone uncomfortable? Interesting that someone like him makes so many folks they realize how transparent that is?


Jenny said...

At first I was offended, you want to throw BURNING kittens? Because that would just be crossing the line of cruel. Then I read next to your asterisk - flamboyant kittens. I laughed out loud. Just the image in my mind of what that would look like. Perhaps that would make a good Wordless Wednesday post!!

reneedesigns said...

Just to clarify, no kittens were harmed in the making of this blog post. Right?

Stu said...

Yeah, smuggling a speculum home is bad form.

And what did gay kittens ever do to you? ;)


Squeaker Sullivan said...

I, like the others, also have never heard of plain Doritos. That's really strange.

Also, I LOOOOOOOVE when they wash my hair! I feel bad because I'm pretty sure I fall asleep every time, and that's just awkward when I start to drool.

Anonymous said...

You know my favorite VERY HARD (impossible) to find flavor of chip?
Dill Pickle and Vinegar.
There was a time when grocery stores stocked them. What happended? They were delicious. Perhaps I should hunt Hawaii and Texas for the last bag.

Of course it wouldn't be until this damn detox over. 10 more days sans flour, sugar, alcohol and everything my body normally survives on.

Minnesota Matron said...

Hot damn, the Matronly head would have fairly exploded. And that whole tip thing? She would have explained that she's waiting for her tax rebate in order to feel more flush. The things we do for hair!!

Stephanie said...

Oh YUM. I grew up with the nacho cheese Doritos as my fav of all time. I am getting my 4yo into them so I can justify having them in the house. But I DID NOT know about plain flavored. I'll have to hunt them down!!!!

Swirl Girl said...

The best kind of kitty is a flaming one. And I do mean the flamboyant ones.

PS- where is CA do you reside? If you freaked by the question - no need to answer. No phone number required, I am just in dire need of the first ever hair color and was wondering where you go.

Auds at Barking Mad said...

I grew up with plain Doritos and it takes a small miracle to find them anywhere nowdays...or at least 'round these parts in New England. You're more likely to find lobster flavoured Doritos than the plain ones. I miss 'em and am stuck with either making my own or sucking it up and buying Tostitos.

We also don't get Herdez out here. My mom is coming out from So Cal and I'm making her bring me some! We do have an awesome organic brand (Green Valley/Mountain, something like that), being Maine and all, that's not surprising in and of itself. But if you don't like that, you are pretty much stuck eating Spicy Ketchup AKA Pace.

Anonymous said...

I can sleep well at night knowing that my Hair God thinks the same as me politically. Then again, we both like men, so that might have something to do with it.

Also, Eva Longoria without makeup gives me hope that one day the entire PTO at my kids' school (myself included) will be Vogue cover models. We all look better than her on any given day. Ditto Julia Roberts and Xtina Aguilera

All Adither said...

6 weeks growth? That's nuthin'. I go three months. Easily.

Your hairdresser's basis of opinion is stunningly articulate and well-thought. Hrmph.

Stacie said...

I have to make sure that I am alone when I read your posts because (perhaps it's my cackling laughter or the puddle of pee on the floor under my chair)dh always wants to know what's so funny???

Denise said...

Hey, I'll send you some "Plain" Doritos any time!! :o)

BusyDad said...

MMM Plain Doritos sound good! I'd probably want to dip em in Nacho Cheese. Or cool ranch...

Thanks for the Birthday wishes the other day :)

dorothy said...

Mmmm I love that salsa! So tasty.

Donna-Michele said...

1st time reader who really enjoys what I have read so far. You write with humor and verve... who could ask for more?

That makes me think how many products have vanished... does anyone remember the Sunshine brand Rasin Cookies? I am determined to bake them since they are no longer sold. (Yeah, weird, I know)

About the politics...going out on a limb here... (this contains no personal attacks)

1st for the record I am an independant, or as my rabid republican friend calls me one-of-those-spoiler-people, lol. I dont have a problem with anyone making up their own mind about who they like or even why they chose that way... but when the ones who-got-who-to-vote-for from the union and the ones-who-were-told-how-to-vote by the minister and all the folks who think if you dont agree with them you are an idiot(this means you left OR right rabids) are done with me, well, I just get tired out and disgusted.

Maybe this is why some think it's best not to discuss politics (and I agree, if you cant be civil and intelligent about it).

All (but the most extremes) can pretty much agree in saner moments that we need political reform... be it a third party, financial re-work of campaign funds or what have you. And most will admit that recent presidential candidates dont mostly represent the common man.

I'm great pals with folks who like different foods(I make my own salsas), differ politically and even those who worship/ or dont, that differ from me... It can be interesting to hear others points of view. Vote, certainly, but why's it ok for anyone to insist that I vote as they do? This is still, just, a democracy.

If you are still with me... Thanks for lightening up a political post, most are so serious. This contry really needs humor, as well as a cure for the deficit and better salsas.

calicobebop said...

Herdez rocks. It's the only thing we buy too.

Lulu said...

Tootsie! I noticed a little Southern-girl in you. Better watch those y'alls, girl, or you'll end up in Georgia with me!

Redneck Mommy said...

Hot dayum.

I let my regrowth go for months until I look all skunky.

Some think it looks trashy. I like to think it looks redneck chic.

Donna-Michele said...

Redneck, that is great!Ok, that is the best comment of the day... can I have permission to use that here in Maryland??

dkuroiwa said...

oooohhh...chips, salsa and a diet pepsi....that would be my request for a "last dinner"!!

The best part about getting a haircut here is the washing/massaging/rinsing/more massaging/neck and shoulder masssage/final rinse that comes before the actual cut!!! Now...there is a special machine that, and I kid you not, is like a "car wash doohicky for your head". You recline in the chair,with your head in a sink and they put this shield around your head...then they turn it on and "Whoa! Momma!!"!! There is water coming at your head from many different directions and diferent pressures, all kid of rolling over your head....FOR 15 MINUTES!!!
Heaven...I tell ya, heaven!!

Anonymous said...

Hooboy, if my hairdresser dropped that bomb on me, I'd have to go shopping for a tongue stud, for I would have bitten straight through it. She doesn't do scalp massage, though. My massage therapist does, and I've come close to whimpering with glee a few times. ;)

Anonymous said...

I'm on the board of my local library and we had a committee meeting last night, which usually is pretty quiet and uneventful, so I was expecting an early night... but then EMMY happened. Emmy is about 70, large and IN CHARGE, enjoys hearing herself talk and has an opinion about EVERYTHING.
I immediately disliked her.

The meeting went two hours longer than I had planned. By the end of it I truly HATED Emmy.

After it was finally, mercifully over, I followed Emmy out to the parking lot and watched as she hopped into her little pick-up, covered in John McCain stickers.

It explained a lot.

Colleen said...

so does that mean we can't be bloggy friends anymore since I'm a conservative Libertarian?

Does this help? I'm not a fan of Obama, but I don't really like McCain either. But that's because I don't feel there's an actual candidate that represents my views (mostly concerned with personal accountability and immigration reform...please commence the mocking and hate now).

Sven said...

Good Job! :)