Tootsie: There YOU are!!
Caress: What?! Wha...
Tootsie: Stop it! Don't even try.
Caress: Do you have a problem, lady?
Tootsie: Did you think I wouldn't notice? And what are you doing over here anyway? How'd you get out of the shower?
Caress: ...draws circles on the counter with her toe...
Tootsie: You completely changed your scent! You didn't even tell me! This is worse than that crap they massage your legs and feet with at the nail salon.
Caress: Is that bad?
Tootsie: You tell me! I got out of the shower and thought, "What's that smell? Is that flowers? Fruit? Both? GAWD that's HORRIBLE!"
Caress: I didn't think you'd notice.
Tootsie: Not notice?! I smell like I was attacked by Bath and Body! How can I NOT smell it? It's completely invaded my nasal cavities.
Tootsie: Oh stop it. I'm not buying your act. I have to get back in the shower, and I can't even believe I'm about to say this...to disinfect myself with that bar of Dial soap!
Caress: AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa!! The horror.
Tootsie: That's right. And it's all your fault. I'll be dried out and itchy but at least I'll smell like SOAP! BITCH!
Caress: Well, you don't have to resort to name calling.
Tootsie: I'm breaking up with you. Get out. I can't look at you. Sneaky Sneakerstein... AND YOU!!
Secret: What? What the hell did I do? I'm new and just here for the body odor protection services.
Tootsie: I know and I think there's been a mistake.
Secret: How's that?
Tootsie: See, the last time I bought you was in bulk at Costco like a year and a half ago. There were about ten of you.
Tootsie: Your packaging was different. And it's become very obvious that there is a difference between "Powder" and "Powder Fresh". I like "Powder". You're too floral.
Secret: What's with you and the flowers? You should have been more diligent in your selection before running me across your armpits. Sister.
Tootsie: Indeed. And I'm afraid between you and that lying douche up there that if I add a squirt of perfume to the mix, the chemical makeup will cause me to spontaneously combust. I fear for my safety.
Secret: Overpowering, huh?
Tootsie: You're not kidding. I don't like my scent to announce that I'm about to walk into a room. The combination of you guys is the equivalent to a cowbell.
Secret: Ya know, you're really picky.
Tootsie: Yeah, it's totally not you. It's me. Well, except for her. She's just a liar.
I'm terrified to think of what may have become of my tampons.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Tootsie: There YOU are!!