Monday, July 28, 2008

I Make These Mistakes so You Can Learn from Me

I was getting ready to go out and run some fabulous errands on Saturday and I thought to myself, Self? I'm going to treat you to a shampoo and blow dry while you're out because you fancy yourself a special pampered princess. And I was all, you know what Self? You're right, I do. And I think you're all kinds of rad for coming up with that idea; remind me to make out with you later. And my Self was all, thank you, I blush. So, before I left the house I told Mr. Farklepants, "Hey, if it's not too crowded I'm going to swing by Supercuts for a wash and blow while I'm out". And he was all, "Okay.....Did you say something?".

I know, right? Supercuts? Yeah, well I gave that a second thought as well. I thought to myself, Self? Are you REALLY going to willingly walk into a Supercuts and let them touch your hair? I tried to tell myself, Self? It's just shampoo and a hair dryer, what's the harm? And my Self was all, the harm is it's Supercuts and you could walk out of there with a pageboy and a perm. In other words; I chickened out. Not feeling like driving the whole ten miles to my hairdresser [who's not even there on Saturday anyway] I searched for and found an acceptable looking salon.

It looked a wee busy so I didn't expect my "walk-in" self to fit into their schedule. I explained what I wanted and assured them if it wasn't possible then it. was. no. biggie. Honest. I was surprised when they took me right in and sent me over to, who can only be described as, The Sourpuss. She asked my name and apparently I tried to tell her telepathically because she didn't hear me and followed up with a graceful, WHAT?!? And I was all, "It's Tootsie, ohmygod I'm so sorry. I didn't realize we were using our outside voices today". I suddenly felt a little nervous kind of like how a small child feels in the company of an intimidating adult.

Once in the sink she did a pretty good job washing my hair [in silence] until she got to the conditioner. I've got a LOT of hair. It's long and it's super thick. It's wavy and each individual strand is a fat bastard. And if you've got my hair IN YOUR HANDS this becomes a very obvious fact. Needless to say my hair requires more than the recommended dime size amount of conditioner. Also uneccessary was the amount of water used to rinse. When she sat me upright she announced, "Your hair really rats up". Uh-huh. Well, not usually, I thought. She then spent seven hours combing out my hair with a steel pick.

Then there was the sectioning off, the blowing out with a metal brush that was eating the back of my neck, and not an ounce of hair product in sight. Then she finally made it to the top section and asked which way I parted my hair. An hour later it was over. I knew this because she removed the cape that was draped around me, which I assume indicated that she was finished. Because? Let's recap, shall we? The following are the only words that came out of her mouth the entire time I was there:

  • What's your name?
  • WHAT?!?
  • Your hair really rats up
  • Which way do you part your hair?
I left with my hair brittle and dry as a bone. For someone who just had her hair blown out with a big round brush my hair was flyaway and flat. And my bangs were doing the stupidest thing ever in their whole life. I arrived home $35 poorer than when I left and almost in tears. To which Mr. Farklepants wondered, "What did you expect from Supercuts?" and I was all, "I didn't even GO to Supercuts".....Wwwaaaaaaaaahhhhh. And then he left me alone for some time after that; realizing it was in the family's best interest.

My life is so hard, right? Don't you wish you had my problems?

45 comments:

Backpacking Dad said...

I have so many conversations with myself that begin: "Self....."

Mel, A Dramatic Mommy said...

You are brave indeed for trying someone new. I have two people who can touch my hair. One is about a 30 minute drive (with no traffic). Write a letter, maybe you'll at least get your money back.

Mekhismom said...

I am so sorry that your salon day to celebrate self did not work it. As you know it is important to take time for you which is supposed to be a lovely experience not a day from hell!

Rebecca said...

EEk! That wasn't fun at ALL! At least she wasn't CUTTING your hair.

I think you get a do-over. At your regular salon of course. :)

standing still said...

I have never asked myself if I wanted to get a shampoo and blow out. And, now I never will. Thanks for the PSA, Tootsie!

LI Laura said...

I, too, have enough thick, wavy hair for 2 and a half heads. The time before last when I got my hair colored the shampooist did not adequately rinse my hair and I ended up with 2 open sores on my head from the dye eating into my BRAIN! Needless to say, last time I spoke up when I realized I felt no water actually touching my scalp in the back where my hair is like a pelt.

Marmarbug said...

Ugh. I would have been PISSED! First of all I like you need some type of product before any heat touches my hair. I am not one of those people that can just wash their hari and go. I WISH!
that lady sounds like a real turd. I hope you didn't tip her.

merlotmom said...

That truly sucked! Next time, pay yourself $35 and do you own hair. What a bitch she was!

apathy lounge said...

You know the place is a loser when you slap yourself on the forehead and say, "I should have gone to Supercuts!"

Amy said...

Wow - that sucks! Always glad I can learn from your mistakes and not have to make them myself!

Marcy - The Glamorous Life! said...

That was funny. I guess I laugh at your pain. sorry for that.
Actually if it was ME I would get the e-mail to the salon and send them this post. Help the world. Save the next gal who is just trying to feel pampered and pretty. consider it charity work. be a giver.

Stephanie said...

Ughhhh....I'm with ya on the metal brush feasting on the neck. Happened to me at Hair Cuttery. The girl was pissed and letting her anger out on my head. It was getting a little hairy.....

San Diego Momma said...

I don't wish I had your problems, I wish I had your hair!

She of the puny hair strands,
Deb

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

OK, so seriously? I have never known anyone to go into a Salon and simply have their hair washed and blown dry. For reals. And $35 for it all. Tootsie, I don't get it. Just buy the products and have girl child blow it dry at home.

KEEP BELIEVING

Melissa said...

Wow, you went to a salon and didn't get any product? I think that stylist needs to lose her license. I thought usig no product was against the law!

after hours said...

That was so funny I almost peed my pants.

So after the torture did you tip? I wouldn't have..

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I love you for recognizing the triviality of your "problem." Although if I ever were to pay $35 for a shampoo and blow dry I would totally expect some intense pleasure during the washing/conditioning process.

Maura said...

Never never never. That kind of thing is why I never just go to someone who hasn't been personally recommended to me. I'll go broke before letting some hack at my hair. Yikes.

I'm feeling for you and I hope your self now decides to treat you to an ice cream to make up for that awful experience.

Karen said...

Which is why I stop looking in the mirror when my hair bothers me. Tie it up in a ponytail and pretend it isn't there. It beats spending money for nothing.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

So you didn't even want to make out with your self, did you?

I'm totally feelin' ya.

anymommy said...

Hey a bad salon experience is hard. I hear you. I have equally thick hair. I've actually had to tell the person washing it 'uh it's not clean yet.'

funny post!

smalltownmom said...

Ditto what San Diego Momma said.

Greta/Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat? said...

Yowza!

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Great - now I'm scared to go for my cut. I hate spending all that money and realizing I look not so good.

calicobebop said...

Your husband is a wise man. He should teach a class!

I'm grateful that I'm not the only one with ongoing conversations in my head. But, um, NOT of the crazy variety! Just the regular ones... nevermind.

scargosun said...

Aww! You poor thing! That's like going to the ice cream place, asking for your favorite and getting something with chocolate and fruit mixed together. Blech!

THE MOM BOMB said...

Tell me you didn't tip that wench.

jenontheedge said...

I don't get massages or manicures or pedicures. I don't even color my hair. But I do spent an awful lot of money on my hair cuts every 5-6 weeks, because by gawd I AM WORTH IT!

You are too. So, pinky swear you'll never go back to that place OR SuperCuts.

Twenty Four At Heart said...

In a couple days, if you feel itchy, check for lice. I bet she never sterilizes that hair pick. And that is why ... no matter what, I never walk into a random salon! Ewwwww!

Insane Mama said...

I'm afraid to get my hair cut for exactely these reasons... I refuse.

Swirl Girl said...

I (kicks one toe in the sand sheepishly) occasionally go to Supercuts. I go with the an understanding that for $35 and no scissors or haircoloring involved, I'll get decent wash and blowdry...and I have major league curly, frizzy, long hair that takes me over an hour to do.

The reason it is so cheap, is that they charge by the sentence, not the hour. So- if you wanted chatty, that'd run you big bucks. The 'hairdressers' do take direction, though- so feel free to tell them to use this or that...

The one near here, has a woman who doesn't even speak at all. There is a line of people waiting for her.

oh yeah, and most of them are also waiting for the shuttle bus from the senior center too.

Indy said...

I hope time has healed your wounds and you are laughing. I am falling over in tears here. I love this story. I am cracking up.

Squeaker Sullivan said...

Poor Toots! At least you won't make the mistake of getting a trim there, though O_o

thepreppyprincess said...

OMG. (Let us repeat that, but slowly: O.M.G.!)

"Your hair really rats up." Thank God for Swirl Girl or we never would have comprehended the charging by the sentence part of the deal. Do they charge double for a sentence like that one?

Just wondering. We can only say: "O.M.G.!"

The conversations with ourselves (yes, plural selves) aren't a problem. Just ask me. I mean us.

Heh-heh-heh.

EatPlayLove said...

you can have my fine straight as a board hair, anyday!

The Introvert said...

I get thoroughly annoyed when I actually allow myself to spend the money on a pedicure (which is about once a year) and it's not absolutely perfect. High expectations? Maybe. But when you only get one a year, they'd better make it worth your while and not talk about your callouses in Vietnamese.

Cute But Psycho said...

I would be totally pissed. And I would call the salon owner and let her know that Sourpuss sucked.

Sorry for the disappointment... :-/

JCK said...

You know everything is relative and that sounds pure sucky. I hope your hair is shimmery and glossed tonight.

Will be emailing you about meeting up with Kalynne, Philosopher Mom.

Nicole said...

I actually did have the misfortune of going to supercuts one day. I think I was 13 and it was the last time I ever stepped foot in there. The hairdresser gave me such a hard time for having SO MUCH THICK HAIR. I felt so bad, but my mom explained that she's probably just so used to working with guys' short hair that she was too lazy to apply the effort necessary to mine. Truth.

Burgh Baby said...

Just so you know, I would totally wash your hair, using adequate conditioning products, for like $20. As an added bonus, I would make sure to talk your head off. Endlessly. Forever. I would stop typing, but I feel like talking your head off in this little comment. Which is no longer little. Huh. Buh-bye!

mysecondjournal said...

See...I need to go to my girl for a wash and style when I have something important..cause I just style my own hair..cause the individual strands are healthy but the number of them is minimal...so I have this flat shit on my head that won't take product or look like it has ANY body...except when Andrea does it...

Jaci said...

Thanks for making me laugh today! The sad part is, SuperCuts probably has the recent graduates of the local Beauty School, who would be all about blowing out your hair and using all the fun products. Warning for next time: If the salon can accept a walk-in, run away! Please tell me you didn't leave a tip...

bikerchick said...

Oh, the humiliation. I feel your pain. True confessions ahead: I used to go to Supercuts. Had a fabou stylist that took appointments in advance, charged me $20 for the werks and I tipped her $10. It was perfect until she up and moved.

Then I tried "Tony and Overpriced Salon" because, well, everyone at work went there. $100+ schmackers later I left, in shame, and a flat, brown helmet where my thick bodied hair used to be. ::sigh::

I'm on a new quest so do drop hints if you find someone great!

Suzanne said...

Arrgh,I am enraged on your behalf. You need to call and complain about that chick. Please tell me you didn't leave her a fat tip...

Colleen said...

I learned two things today:
(1) that salon will be losing a lot of business
(2) if someone ever tells me that my hair rats up, I have every right to preemptively strike them with the metal bristle brush.