Monday, July 21, 2008

Now She's All Ready to go Catch Some Germs from School



Poor, poor, Girl-Child. She had her five year well-child check up on Friday and they went and done stabbed her up good. Real good. Five times to be exact. One prick for each year of her itty-bitty life. Oh, and she got to pee in a cup. And I got to hold the cup. Good times. Have you any idea how difficult it is to coax some urine out of a child at 8:45 in the morning when she's just relieved herself of her morning inventory just thirty minutes prior? No? It goes like this: Please? Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease pee in the cup. Try again. Keep trying. Push a little. Please? I can't move my hand I have to hold the cup. No, I can't move the cup because you have to go pee IN it. Keep trying. They only need a little. Then she finally goes just a little and your chasing her stream around because of course it's going on your hand and not in the cup. And who just left and threw up?

But at least she's mostly safe from dying of any of those childhood diseases that used to rob parents of their children in the not too distant past. Or even things like chicken pox that was all the rage for us Gen-Xers. Which I had when I was THIRTEEN. So not a good time. Dudes? I was messed up. I lived in an apartment building and was pretty much the resident babysitter. And around that time there was an outbreak of chicken pox that swept through our complex. And there I was elbow deep in these germy little darlings. Then BAM! I woke up one morning looking like someone who was set on fire and forgot to drop and roll. I'm not kidding when I say I was covered from head to toe in a blistery mess. And it was EVERYWHERE. Let me just say this, my eyelids were not the worst location. The poor mons pubis and labia majora. The dears. Is that sound I heard a collective grand exit of all male readers?

Meanwhile back at the Girl-Child: She left the doctor's office covered in Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck band-aids because her generation knows exactly who those characters are. Rabbits and a ducky. "We'll have a Looney Tunes tutorial later, now hold still Girl-Child while Mommy takes pictures during your PTSD".



Her little finger throbbed from the pricking. Or as she said, it was going "boop-bop, boop-bop". And this bothered her. Someday when she requests to have her ears pierced I'm going to tell her that they will be going BOOP-BOP BOOP-BOP in all CAPS.

37 comments:

Steph said...

I might have missed most of your post because I'm still wondering when having the kid pee in a cup started being standard and whether or not my kids have been receiving sub-standard care as I have (thankfully) never had to hold a pee cup for anyone but myself which is totally gross enough.

Also? I might be a little squicked out by the chicken pox part.

Also, also? That girl is effin' adorable. (And I must really mean it 'cause I included the "effin".)

Jaci said...

Peeing in a cup? Are you serious? Great, something else I have to look forward to. Your daughter is adorable.

I also had really bad chicken pox at 13. One really huge pock grew on my forehead, and even though I never scratched it (I swear) it fell off anyway and left a deep crater. Too bad I'm not Indian and I can't shove a little jewel in there--the hole would be perfect.

I found you through my Google reader recommendations. I think your blog is hilarious! I added you to my reading list. :)

HRH said...

I agree that chicken pox was the worst. I just remember a week all alone in my bed in 6th grade watching Sesame street because soap operas seemed to increase my symptoms and we had 3 channels. Oh the dark ages!

OK, the peeing in the cup thing is another reason the boy thing is good.

Jamie said...

Poor baby girl. All those needles... But I'm lovin' that she smiled for the pic anyway!

Madame Queen said...

What do you take me for? Some kind of sissy? As though a little pee on my hand could run me off!

Seriously, though? What is it with the five year shots? Bubba was TRAUMATIZED and they actually spaced his out b/c he needed the flu shot at the same time and they felt that six shots at once might be just a trifle much? Really? You don't say. Actually, he handled the shots okay, it was the finger prick that sent him OVER.THE.EDGE.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

My Susie saw this post and wants you to know she likes your daughter's quilt.

hulagirlatheart said...

My two youngest brothers came down with chicken pox the week before my senior prom. I had never had the pox, so for seven long days I squirted Lysol at them and prayed to the good Lord I wouldn't catch anything that would prevent me from wearing my hoop skirt and dancing the night away to "Cocaine" and "Ladies Night". The Lord answered my prayers.

Nibbles said...

As steph up there mentioned, I wasn't aware that kids were being required to pee in cups nowadays. I'm pretty sure the first time I had to was maybe when I first went on birth control when I was seventeen.

Jan said...

I can relate on the chicken pox. I got them when I was 32. Yes, THIRTY-TWO. I looked like I had leprosy; I kept waiting for body parts to just fall off. And I was sick as a DOG - ran a 102 degree fever for a week.

Childhood diseases are no fun when you're an adult.

Your daughter is just a little dumplin', as we say down in Texas. Cuter than a bug's ear.

g said...

Me too on the pee in cup routine - never had to do that for my kid - although does it have something to do with the fact that my kid's a boy?

Here's another parenting rite of passage - at 7 or 8 boy went to stay with a friend and they went in the friends' parents hot tub in their underwear, which they then slept in and then wore all day the following day - and came home to "mom, my penis itches!" jock itch/yeast infection - thank god you can get the cream over the counter these days, but there I was applying ointment, explaining how he should do it next time.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I swear to God the day someone tells me that I have to hold a cup for my kid to pee in it will be the day that I relinquish custody. YUCK! I wonder if I could just take one of her diapers and squeeze the pee out, then hold on to it for the next three years. That wouldn't be gross or anything.

The gorgeous hair on Girl Child gives me hope, btw. That's one cute kid with a full head of hair.

standing still said...

I heart the chicken pox vaccine. I've been through enough with my kid ... when he got the pox (on the last day of 2nd grade and he missed all the par-taying) he had 13 spots and no fever. That vaccine is wicked good.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Wait until she gets her Gardasil--that one hurts like a mofo. That's what Social Butterfly said and the nurse confirmed it.

I hope their was a treat afterwards and not just documenting of the pain!

Marcy - The Glamorous Life! said...

We had a football physical this week which resulted in ANOTHER chicken pox vaccine (apparently you need TWO now)...so I had to explain the whole Chicken pox thing again too. and I had to explain to my 7 yr old why I told him he was NOT getting any shots- it is only a check up! He may never believe me again!

Mekhismom said...

Chicken Pox - yuck! Sorry to hear you had to deal with that madness at 13. I had them at nine and because of my incessant scratching my mom keep me knocked out with sips of the Henny (Henessey Cognac). Gotta love those oatmeal baths!

Undomestic Diva said...

My oldest just did his Kindergarten check up and said the finger prick hurt the worst. I just thought it was funny that the worst part is called a "prick." (See... I'm very mature.)

Jennifer H said...

Ouch. Poor thing.

And you, with the chicken pox. Yikes.

ekbetsy said...

I didn't even KNOW there was a chicken pox vaccine. I kind of thought they only vaccinated for stuff that could kill you. Do people die from chicken pox? I was little enough when I had them that I don't really remember, but man, Tootsie, your experience sounds like a basket full of fun.

P.S. - My word verification is hhpuoi. Is it just me, or did Blogger just hock a lougee at me?

jenontheedge said...

I hate the peeing in a cup thing. It is at exactly that time that my kids develop "stage fright" -- even if I've had them chugging water all afternoon long.

smalltownmom said...

My boys never had to pee in a cup. Thank goodness.

Your chicken pox story is horrible! Makes me itch all over just thinking about it.

Marmarbug said...

Okay let me just say OUCH on the whole chicken pox on your cooter. OUCH!
And I bet that was fun if caught scratching that um area.
And yeah the pee in a cup deal SUCKS. Except when you have a boy. Then life is easy.
Pisses me off that there is not an easier way for us chicks to give a urine sample. Men ALWAYS have it easier.
And let me say you have a BEAUTIFUL little girl!!!

Auds at Barking Mad said...

I think I just passed out a little from all that talk of peeing and bleeding.

Dear God, please be merciful and make the hubby take the little imp in three years time.

Amen.

Turbo: said...

And while the poked (and one day, pierced) body parts are going Boop-Bop, you can sing her Hansens' "Mmmm Bop!" Is it in your head, like, for the rest of the day, over and over? Good, you can join me in the insanity as your daughter's most perfect description of the pulse planted it there!

Signed--a new fan!

Swirl Girl said...

My big one (8) screams even before the 'pricker' comes in the room.

My little (4) one, just sits there and is all "that's it? " No Biggie.

Little one even watches me get my twice monthly blood draw. Sticks her face right into my arm and narrates the blood getting sucked up and carried away. She reminds the phlebotomist not to take too much 'cuz "mom'd be dead without it"

I get the Looney Tunes bandaid and the lollipop, and she drives home.

stephanie (bad mom) said...

I had to do the pee-in-a-cup thing with my daughter last year and it took 45 minutes. I didn't know whether to cry or take a nap in that tiny airless bathroom.

Your girl really is awesome for smiling through that photo shoot.

[My verification is ohshgdfl; Blogger must know typing that stuff is my only form of exercise]

Jason said...

HA! Here I am! You thought you could get rid of me with your chicken pox description! Well, I have to tell you that it made me like you even more. You are so goll-darn funny I can't even stand it.

Jenny said...

I just took my girl in for her four year, she got five shots too. I had to hold the baby in one hand, hold down the girl with the other, and try to be brave as the needles kept coming.
Your sweet girl looks like she recovered quickly, back to happy sporting those cool bandaids.

laughingatchaos said...

The boys have never had to pee in a cup thankyouGOD! But, with them, the aiming is a lot easier. ; )
I had chicken pox when I was about 8. HooBOY was I sick. I was red with white splotches. I'm all for the vaccine if I don't have to nurse my kids through that.

San Diego Momma said...

Is it me or do "mons pubis and labia majora" sound like piano concertos?

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

This is where having a boy child is better--peeing in a cup is easy for my kids--they do it during long trips in the momvan ALL THE TIME!!!

tammy said...

I'm in the "13 with Chicken Pox" club too. Mine hit *right* before school started & I missed most of sports practice. Ok, so I was a cheerleader. But I had to work really hard to catch up!

Manager Mom said...

Wow...forget the male readers, I don't even know what a 'mons pubis' is, yet I probably have one, right?

See, you DO learn something new every day.

MommyTime said...

Nicely done with the scaring off of squeamish readers. Adroit.

As for girl-child, she has my sympathies. I'll bet "old-timey" bandaids are really uncool.

And as for your coffee maker, I say you just return it to the store and tell them it's broken (which it is if it was made in the 21st century without an automatic shut off), and then buy one that works.

EmBee said...

I had the chicken pox also when I was 13... Nothin' like coming back to school during the years when you're desperately trying to be cool and fit in, completely covered with scars and scabs... Yep, that can pretty much make a social pariah out of anyone.

Shamelessly Sassy said...

After the last time my three year old peed in a cup at the doctor's office, she spent the rest of the week trying to coax me into letting her do it again. Also, lovely header.

Colleen said...

I had the pox at age 11...and same dang thing...covered from head-to-toe and everywhere in-between. In my mouth and throat...got awful shingles-like nerve pain in my back...pulling the scabs out of my long long blonde hair for weeks afterwards...and out of the not-so-long less-than-blonde hair elsewhere.
It was so bad that even after my doctor gave me the go-ahead to go back to school, the school nurse sent me home again for a few more days because I looked a mess and I think she didn't want to traumatize anyone else with the look of me (I was on the tail-end of the outbreak).

dkuroiwa said...

Having boys when that whole "peeing in a cup" situation comes up is oh so very much easier!! Here, the schools do a pee test at the beginning of every year and all kids come home with a cup and a little bottle (that seriously looks like one of those you put soy sauce in for the kids lunches!!! just saying!) My oldest, when he was a 1st grader was all like "no way can I pee in that little hole" thinking the cup was just to carry the papers and the little bottle!!

I like your daughter's quilt too!! I long for pink stuff...~~stuff~~