Thursday, July 17, 2008

BlogHerNot 2008: Your Blog Your Way


SCHEDULE OF EVENTS

9:00-9:02AM (or right now)
VINTAGE THIRTY KEYNOTE
Tootsie Farklepants

Welcome! I'd like to start off by stressing that BlogHerNot 2008 is not a slam or slight in any way at the BlogHer 2008 conference. There's just a whole bunch of us bloggers that couldn't make it to San Francisco, for whatever reason which may be, but not limited to, one of the following: lack of funds, logistics, no babysitter, previous commitments, nothing to wear, too pregnant, giving birth, just gave birth, fear of flying, fear of driving, fear of hitchhiking, fear of large groups, fear of alcohol, couldn't justify the expense, can't walk that far, didn't meet their goal weight... like I said, whatever the reason, wish we were there but aren't. Please visit Mommypie for a complete list of scheduled sessions for the day. Please stay close by. We'll regroup soon for the next event after a brief intermission involving food of some sort.

9:03-10:00AM (or right now)
SNACK
Where: Tootsie Farklepants' kitchen
Menu: Coffee and I think there's some powdered donuts left in that bag over there. Also, there's cereal but maybe not enough milk.

10:01-10:05AM (or whatever time it is right now)
LECTURE WITH TOOTSIE FARKLEPANTS
Topic: Your Blog Your Way

I apologize for the underwear and tank top combo, but it is come as you are; so I hope everyone is okay with that. Also? I haven't brushed my teeth and yes that is a rubber band, a clip, and a head band keeping all of the hair off of my shoulder/face/neck area because I was just all, "GAH! Get it off me!". Lecture? Who said anything about a lecture? I'm ill prepared. Instead let's just tackle some FAQ's (or, frequently asked questions -not really asked by anyone at all at least not of me):

1) I've started a blog now what do I write about?

  • Whatever interests you and whatever you like writing about. My first blog was about politics and it became too specific and limited and I got bored. With Vintage Thirty I write about anything.
2) Are there topics to avoid?
  • That depends. Some topics are controversial. If you're seeking melees and brouhahas in your comments section then by all means, be controversial. I try to keep my blog humorous and light.
3) How do you get people to read your blog?
  • People won't read you unless they know about you. Read other blogs. Leave comments that attract people to click on your profile. Having an interesting user name helps. Seriously, I had no idea how many people would visit my blog because of my name. That was a total fluke.
4) How do you get people to keep coming back?
  • I have no fracking idea. I admit I write FOR the reader, but I've given up trying to figure out what it will be that interests them. I'll spend hours, sometimes days, editing a particular entry only to have it met with "eh". Then I'll throw out something on the fly, completely random, and it will be one of my heaviest visitor days. Seriously, I can't figure you people out.
  • If visitor stats are important to you, and I'm not gonna lie I enjoy it a great deal, you have to post something everyday. There have only been a handful of days that I didn't submit fresh content, but on those days my visitor stats dropped dramatically. So write everyday! At the very least, throw up a picture with a witty caption if time or writer's block is an issue.
5) Memes and blog bling awards: Yay or nay?
  • Let's face it, there are millions of blogs out there and we can't know them all. Memes and bloggy awards are a great way to introduce your readers to some other blogs they may not be aware of. We could all use the linky love. So I do them. And getting tagged with a meme could come in handy for you on one of those days when the creativity is not flowing and you need to post something.
6) How do I find the time to write and mess around with my blog template when I've got all these kids?
  • Spend the time they're at school wisely. For summer and other vacation days:
  • Blog while they sleep
  • Blog while they eat
  • Get them set up in an independent activity like television watching
  • Video games also work
  • Throw various snacks at them
  • Ignore the fighting
  • Answer "yes" to any request that you didn't actually hear but you know that they asked you something you just weren't paying attention
  • Get up to wipe their butt but only after they've hollered at you for five minutes. Make them pull up their own pants.
  • Diapers are super absorbent. Test that shit.
  • If they get hungry enough they'll figure out how to make a sandwich -you'll note I didn't say "healthy" sandwich
  • Infant? It's never too early to teach them how to hold their own bottle
  • Breastfeeding? Slap that baby in a sling and type (i.e. multi-task)
7) And what about spending time with my spouse?
  • That's what bedtime is for. Make it up to them then. More than once a night if necessary. If you've been married for more than three years it is not necessary; once is enough.
8) When someone leaves a comment how do you acknowledge it?
  • When I've got a little spare time I will go through the comments and visit the blogs and try to leave a comment. Sometimes I'll address a comment or two in my own comment section. And sometimes I'll answer someone in an email. It really depends on what I'm doing at the exact moment I'm reading the comments and how much time I have. A lot of the people who leave comments are the authors of blogs I already visit regularly.
  • Recently I've started posting comment highlights a couple of times a month. I had a couple of readers say in emails that there is no way I am able to read all the comments I get. KNOW THIS: Not only do I read them, but when I edit my entry for the comment appreciation segment, I read them all two or three times.
In conclusion, it's your blog. Handle it any which way you please. Write for your own reasons and just be you and somewhere someone out there will identify with you and your blog. I'd like to thank BlogHerNot 2008 for the opportunity to speak. Thank you all so much for coming. You know what was the awesomest part about this? I ate a snack pack of Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies, drank a diet Pepsi and burped repeatedly throughout this whole thing and no one knew. Well, except now you do. Please don't forget to check the schedule for the rest of the day's events. See you at the parties later. I'll be the drunk, loud, and inappropriate person over there.

58 comments:

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Love this!

Tootsie,

You have BlogHerNot. Tomorrow we will have BitchHer 2008. We have a pool boy too!

We'll want to know how BlogHerNot turns out for you; and we'll keep you posted about BitchHer!

Jennifer H said...

Hey, we're wearing our hair the same way! Wait, is that embarrassing? Should we have checked with each other first?

Great lecture!

mommypie said...

You're a natural born educator slash good-advice-giver, Toots. Love this!

When are you going to start selling Vintage Thirty t-shirts? With a big 30 on the front and Tootsie Farklepants on the back? I'm tellin' ya, you'd RAKE it in. Well, I'D buy one.

Thanks so much for participating in BlogHerNot -- can't wait to see you at the parties this weekend. Something tells me there'll be a good photo of you.

Heh heh.

Threeundertwo said...

I think you're out of powdered donuts now. Can I check the fridge?

auds at barking mad said...

I could kiss the person who invented the sling! Seriously, even if they had facial warts and ingrown hairs! Oh and the same goes for the Bumbo, even if it is the stupidest name I've ever heard.

Great post! Now where's the coffee? Or is it too early to start drinking?

Madame Queen said...

Well, there's no doubt about it -- I'm definitely coming to BlogHerNot 2009! Party at Tootsies!!

Karen said...

I love BlogHerNot! So glad I was able to catch this since I couldn't get to BlogHer.

Jamie said...

Great Day 1 of BlogHerNot! Thanks for the education...I'll be back for more.

Melanie said...

Love it. Who needs BlogHer with this kind of affordable, pants-optional alternative?

Inzaburbs said...

Count me in for BlogHerNot! And thanks for all the sage advice.

But please tell me - what kind of a community do you live in where you can be rocking a tank-top underwear combo at 10 in the morning?

I haven't dared since my forced Sunday morning, 8am, conversation with the lawn man. I was wearing a nightie. He was not looking at my face.

(yes, I would have hidden, but the three yapping children sort of gave me away).

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Shizznet! I hate when I show up for events like this dressed the same as someone else. I guess I'll go put some pants on now . . .

All Adither said...

Oh Tootsie. I love your style. A nice combo of funny/genuine.

The Preppy Princess said...

Tootsie,
Whew! Thanks for the lecture. I'm glad you didn't say anything about my eating ice cream out of the gallon container while you were speaking. That's just how I roll.
Ups,
The Princess

Sue said...

I'm meeting all the cool girls through BlogHerNot!!!! LOVE your style in an almost-lesbian way. So I'm blogrolling you ASAP.

San Diego Momma said...

As usual, stellar advice.

As usual, I don't any of it.

*Sigh* I have motivational issues.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Damp cereal. My favorite. Thanks for letting me into your kitchen this morning. I took lots of notes on the back of this Walmart receipt for a coffee maker.

Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

Rockin' lecture!

Undomestic Diva said...

As a fellow attendee of BlogHerNot 2008, I just want to say thanks for letting me show up in your kitchen in my Janis Joplin t-shirt and lesbian shorts with zit cream still smeared across my forehead.

Mrs. Parks said...

independant activity.... t.v.
That's my favorite : )

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

Great Post Tootsie!

Great advice for a newbie like me!

Queen Bee said...

Tootsie,
I love this! I'm so behind on the blogging world, but the practical application of getting your blog out there is great. I certainly need to work on this...now, I'll just have to quit my job.
Thanks for the inspiration!

Anonymous said...

I really appreciate the "pajamas are acceptable" dress code at this conference.

Powdered-sugar donuts, cereal and eating ice cream out of the container is the newest trend in event catering!

Great blogging advice, tootsie.

Having an interesting user name helps. Seriously, I had no idea how many people would visit my blog because of my name. That was a total fluke.

Um...I definately have to think about this one...Any suggestions?

- g posting as anonymous

www.doves2day.blogspot.com

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Cheri's comment freaked me out totally--I'm all, but BitchHer is today, not tomorrow. Then I got smart and checked the day on your post.

Off to BitchHer; keep enjoying BlogHerNot!

anymommy said...

I laughed so much at this one I had to delurk. Thanks!

Madge said...

it's great to know i'm on the right track re: what to do with the kids while blogging. i especially enjoy throwing a snack or two their way any time they come within two feet of the computer.

Colleen said...

argh! now I know why I don't get 20+ commenters/readers! I don't blog every day.

I try, but plurk and sleep keep luring me away.

Melanie said...

Great post and great advice Tootsie. I will definitely be back. I'm fully dressed at the moment, but between BlogHerNot and BitchHer, that could change at any moment. You're in my reader!

Jennifer (Jen on the Edge) said...

Here at BlogHerNot -- Virginia session, we'll start drinking early and have laid in a large supply of gourmet chocolate.

AGSoccerMom said...

Loved the info and your style!

Steph said...

Cheez-Its and playpens. That's all I'm saying.

San Diego Momma said...

Don't "DO" any of it. "DO" any of it.

I just had to correct my comment.

Nothing to see here, just move along...

Ms. Single Mama said...

You're funny. I blog in my sleep too - it sucks.

There are awesome tips! Thank you!

Swirl Girl said...

Thanks for the tutorial. This is the best conference I've never been to!

Love the when to blog segment...I've basically given up bathing in order to do this. I guess I should shower instead of feeding the kids...That's was what I was doing wrong !

;)

modernsinglemomma said...

Hey FarklePants!

I just wanted to shout that out, its so cool!!

Can I do a vlog with me just singing your name?
Love your photography too....

and so proud to be linking you in my suped-up BlogRoll (Thanks BlogHerNOT for dramatically expanding my blogosphere)!

IRISHKAT said...

Thankfully I have #6 covered and perform them on a regular basis. Now I just have to tackle the other ones. Thanks for such a great class!

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

As always, I'm with my fiancee, I feel underdressed in my shirt covered in finger paints. Dang.

Ditto on the odd name getting you looks. I didn't realize that would help either.

Someone questioned whether you read your comments? Seriously? That's fracked up. You also might've said something about responding to them. I respond to about 95% of mine in an email.

MamaMo said...

Am I too late to get a powdered donut?!! :-)

g said...

No, but you have to dunk it in the Baileys. Mmmmm!

LaRue said...

I want you to know, with the utmost sincerity, that I was NOT the one who took your refridgerator magnets. Really.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Sorry I'm late! But can you tell me which ball room the BitterAboutBlogHer RoundTable Discussion is being held? Oh, and I didn't get a goodie bag. Or was the curly ribbon-bedecked Snickers Bar it?

MommyTime said...

Am wearing an extremely comfortable but ill tank top (one that fit very nicely when I was nursing, thank you very much, and is much too fine an eggplant color to give up), and drinking wine. It may be 10am where you are, but, as the saying goes, it's 10pm somewhere -- like on my couch. LOVE your advice. Luuuuurrrv you...

stephanie (bad mom) said...

Wish I were there. Next time I'll know better...

EatPlayLove said...

Well thanks a lot Tootsie, so I am not at BH and I am not at Blogher Not.. Now I feel like a real loser. (just kidding, kind of)

And for the record, I was in my underwear and a tank top last night in my backyard, with a headlamp on, trying to find out what's eating my lettuce at night. Earwigs. Then I felt like there were bugs on me for the rest of the night. Eeew.

Baby Favorite said...

I hope that, for the parties later, you at least throw on some heels with your tank top and panties combo.

Sheesh.

Mekhismom said...

I love this post! You actually have given very good information and I appreciate it. I am truly enjoying BlogHerNot 08, and if there is a contest I am voting you best instructor!

heartshapedhedges said...

Im totally with you on the blog thing. Lots of reasons not to be there...how ironic that Bossy said they are doing a "break out" session on "how to make money from your blog"...Im kind of guessing the people who could afford to GO TO BLOG HER, arent the ones needing that bit of information. Cuz, just guessing, maybe some of them even had their trip sponsored or something, or at least the cost was covered by the oodles they rake in from their Google ads.

Im gonna go blog about this now.

Jason said...

Wow. That was a whole lot cheaper than the real thing. And just as good, I'm sure.

My word verification this time is: "fappy." What does that mean?

JCK said...

Very impressive lecture. Are you sure you weren't here?

The food is delish. The company yummy. Wish you were here...

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Thanks for all the comments y'all! I see I have some new blogs to visit this weekend.

Jason - I think it means flamboyantly happy! "Fappy"!

JCK - MUWAH!

Your Pal Pinki said...

I love it when you pop things in like the diaper comment. LMAO!
BTW, Huggies are the bomb.

The Girl Next Door said...

Not only are you funny, but you are also helpful! I often wonder how other people handle comments. I don't have time to email everyone like some people do. But I love comments! And yes your name is absolutely hilarious.

flickrlovr said...

So glad Mommy Pie sent us over here for a little talk! I think I love you. Also, I think I need to replace all those leftover donuts I ate...sorry!

Cactus Petunia said...

Thanks for the tips! I'm having much more fun than I would have if I'd spent all that money to go mingle with strangers in San Francisco, when I can do that right here in my dining room in my pajamas!

I tried the meme thing (tip #5) before I was very savvy, and made the mistake of sending it to one very high profile blogger, who rather gently let me know she didn't have time for such nonsense. Oops.

Thanks again!
Cactus Petunia (aka Poopsie Gizzardbrain)

Mrs. G. said...

I have no doubt that this was better than the real deal. Mainly because it didn't require me to blow dry my hair or put on mascara. Good advice.

Minnesota Matron said...

Hey, the Matron's attending the same conference, only she's wearing some kind of flimsy shift without underwear, fresh from the shower. Another trick to wrangling blog time out of small children is to toss them that candy bowl and turn on the TV. When dear husband comes home from work, he can cover that damage.


One other note - the Matron does not have much time and limits her blog time to under an hour AND has a limited (but oh so cherished) amount of time to visit her bloggie friends, but her readership still climbs steadily, but slowly. And that's okay with her!

Elizabeth Channel said...

Fascinating advice, and I need it! I'm glad Minnesota Matron is wearing a shift...few talk about those anymore..me, I'm a caftan type of person. Takes all kinds, I guess. Thanks again for helping us newbies!

foolery said...

Tie-dyed hippy sundress, head band, teeth not brushed, face not washed. in short: Not Fit For Public Consumption. Fit for blogging, however.

An excellent tutorial, Miss Farklepants!

This Mom said...

Okay so I know I am a day late and maybe a dollar short, but I had in-laws in town. I am glad that there is a transcript of the BlogHerNot so I can get this good info. Thanks for the info for a newbie like me.