Thursday, January 24, 2008

I Never Took No Ribbons In Math


Yesterday was my scheduled day to volunteer in Boy-Child#2's second grade class. I was extremely grateful that his teacher only needed me to grade papers because it was raining and I don't like to get wet. If I had to retrieve and prepare any construction paper, I would have to leave the classroom to go to the "work room" which is located in the main building; where they keep the reams of paper, their cutlery, molds, yarn, ...you get the idea. The point is I didn't have to leave the classroom. Amen to that. Out of the stacks of grade-worthy piles was one that contained timed math tests. These are individually assigned to each student depending on his or her mastery. Some kids are working on subtraction and addition while others have moved on to their times tables and...one smart little cuss...calculus division. In other words, it is a stack of math papers and almost none of them are the same content. I ask Mrs. Second Grade, "Do you have the answer keys for these?". "I believe I left them at home". She takes note of the panicked look that crosses my face. "But I have a calculator!" -and she probably thought, "oh great, a genius". She bitch slaps me across the face with it and then she and the class leave for computer lab. The "calculator" is located on the end of a ruler and would work great if you were an insect. With fingers. And opposable thumbs. It was that small. Imagine, if you will, a grown woman. In a classroom. Sitting in a chair designed for an eight year old. Counting on her fingers. And for 11x12, attempting to accurately navigate the world's smallest calculator with the tip of her fingernail. Giving up because she remembered that 12x12=144, so she subtracted. She really wishes she had paid attention while quizzing her own son with his flashcards. She is so glad no one is in the class with her. It also took her 30 minutes to grade 25 math papers. It took all of 10 minutes to grade the other various piles of the non-math variety. She is so embarrassed. *sometimes I pretend I don't know me when I'm being a giant 'tard*

13 comments:

Don Mills Diva said...

I am going to be so busted when my son starts needing help with his math homework...

Fannie Mae said...

GAAHH. Flashback to a terible field trip. One of those old-timely school houses where your supposed to channel Laura Ingall's? And the adults were supposed to participate? And the teacher called me to the board to do math? And I cheated by looking at the answers of the 5th grader standing next to me? SHEESH!

Melanie said...

Math is HARD, y'all.

Madame Queen said...

Ugh, whenever I'm confronted with math I always say "That's why I was an English major."

dorothy said...

LOL! You should've called me!

JCK said...

Ahh...math. Gave me a complex for YEARS! I would have been heart attack city.

A Mom Two Boys said...

Oh no, is that what I have to look forward to? Yikes.
My thought was this...maybe we could take the ruler and shove it up a certain Fox News guy's...oh, are we talking about 2nd grade math? Sorry. One track mind today.

jennifer h said...

Maybe we could measure just how far up there his head already is.

I think I'm equipped to help with homework through this year (my son is in 3rd grade), and after that, I'll start having to look for tutors. Seriously.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

You totally get points for remember that 12x12=144 and doing a little subtraction. That alone is worth at least two gold stars.

HRH said...

Preaching to the choir...I feel your pain. I am having a serious difficulty with phonics, yes my son is in FIRST grade...that should make you feel better!

Lulu said...

Math is not a friend to me. High math, such as 7+8, confuses me to high heaven.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

I think Melanie summed it up best. I really couldn't do much better than that.

Allie said...

I definitely do not less than three math. I hate hate hate it.

Side note: Your blog makes me smile. Thank you!