Monday, January 14, 2008

Proof That God Is A Man...

...Who never traveled by plane with three children. First flight out at beginning of trip? Delayed infinity. The pleasant woman at the airline counter punched some keys on her computer, spun around eight times, exclaimed the magic words 'abracadabra' and we were given an entire new itinerary and shuttled immediately onto a plane. I mean, immediately. Like, run to your plane immediately. This eliminated the planned food and potty time I had so carefully coordinated. BUT? We were en route. By the time we taxied down the runway my bladder was the size of China. I feared the cabin pressure would cause an explosion of mass urinary proportions. We reached our first stop and were met with a five hour layover. Five hours? In an airport? With three kids? Simultaneous murder and torture, thankyouverymuch. The excitement of being in a state they'd never been to before wore off in about seven minutes. After a meal that cost about as much as my first car; boredom set in. And all three were diagnosed with ants in their pants. Next flight: uneventful. Our last flight and final leg of our journey took place on an aircraft so small the passengers got out and pushed it down the runway. Not really, but it was designed for people who weigh twenty pounds and are only three feet tall. Admitting that I could not walk in an upright position on this plane is no exaggeration. Coming back home our final flight was delayed an hour because God hates me and wanted to stick it to me one more time lest I actually start to enjoy traveling with my own children.

I'm back! More to come... And to all of you who commented and stopped by: Thank you!!


Allie said...

Traveling *sigh*. We just returned from our vacation on several planes with children... That's all I have to say about that.

Side note: I'm so glad to be back and be able to read blogs again. Yay!

Madame Queen said...

Oh, Tootsie! I missed you so much!

Can't wait to hear all the deets!

And I'm pretty sure we've had that Ants-in-your-pants diagnosis, just fortunately never in an airport.

Lulu said...

I missed you too!

Very funny recap...especially the part about your bladder being the size of China. He, he.

JCK said...

God, I missed you. Welcome back funny lady!

1blueshi1 said...

Tootsie, I missed you too! I kept checking for updates, thinking Where Is She? Then remembering the trip.

I will stack your airplanes against my annual 700-mile-each-way drive to my 'rents for Tgiving. The DH doesn't go, so I am outnumbered by the children, who take full advantage, those tricksy little tacticians.

And is that a Skywishes MLP in the frenzy photo? Bookey got one too. Also a doll that poops. Too much realism for me.

SO GLAD you are back!

All Adither said...

Hee. I don't envy you that trip. But am glad you made it back safely.

Angie (

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Being back is bittersweet. It's good to be home but I miss my family already. I did sit down at the computer a couple of times with good blogging intentions, but discovered that the creativity would not flow away from home.

1blueshi1~ I don't envy you that drive. Godspeed, my friend. And, why yes! That is a Skywishes MLP! She and Girl-Child have been inseparable ever since. We had a moment of panic when I thought it had been left in the Denver airport but thankfully it had rolled under her seat on the plane. Whew!

Karen said...

I'm so glad you're back! I've been checking in frequently, but somehow missed your actual return. It must have happened between chicken pox and computer viruses.