Proof That God Is A Man...

...Who never traveled by plane with three children. First flight out at beginning of trip? Delayed infinity. The pleasant woman at the airline counter punched some keys on her computer, spun around eight times, exclaimed the magic words 'abracadabra' and we were given an entire new itinerary and shuttled immediately onto a plane. I mean, immediately. Like, run to your plane immediately. This eliminated the planned food and potty time I had so carefully coordinated. BUT? We were en route. By the time we taxied down the runway my bladder was the size of China. I feared the cabin pressure would cause an explosion of mass urinary proportions. We reached our first stop and were met with a five hour layover. Five hours? In an airport? With three kids? Simultaneous murder and torture, thankyouverymuch. The excitement of being in a state they'd never been to before wore off in about seven minutes. After a meal that cost about as much as my first car; boredom set in. And all three were diagnosed with ants in their pants. Next flight: uneventful. Our last flight and final leg of our journey took place on an aircraft so small the passengers got out and pushed it down the runway. Not really, but it was designed for people who weigh twenty pounds and are only three feet tall. Admitting that I could not walk in an upright position on this plane is no exaggeration. Coming back home our final flight was delayed an hour because God hates me and wanted to stick it to me one more time lest I actually start to enjoy traveling with my own children.

I'm back! More to come... And to all of you who commented and stopped by: Thank you!!