Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Peasant Stew

Don't you hate it when you get home from a major grocery shopping excursion? Only to find out that you forgot one important item for the dinner you'll be preparing (thankfully) for the following evening? And when you return to the market the next day, you spend $80? WTF did I buy? I only needed vegetable oil!

Did you know that a Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte from Starbucks only has 160 calories? Did you also know that a Skinny Vanilla Latte is non-fat and sugar free? And that it tastes exactly as you would imagine? Why yes! It does taste like hot, watered down shit! I'll be sticking with the plain ol' non-fat vanilla latte and keep the sugar based syrup with the extra 90 calories, thankyouverymuch.

When your child (in my case, my daughter) asks you to help them with their food (which is code for: 'what you've placed before me is so repelling that I cannot willingly eat this myself what were you thinking woman are you insane?!') and you pierce the broccoli florette and stick it in their mouth; make sure that the broccoli does not strike their uvula on the way in. Because this will prompt an immediate response. Which is vomit. This will surely make future broccoli consumption a whole new battle of wills.

When you're busy writing entries for your blog that you're addicted too with a task at hand, do not ignore the pleas from your 4 year old child that they do, in fact, need to go potty. Telling them "just a minute" too many times will result in you cleaning pee off the bathroom floor. Giving them a bath. Not to mention the guilt. Also not to be forgotten; the anger at yourself for unnecessarily creating a tremendous amount of work.

If you wait until the last week of January 2008 to replace your 2007 wall calendar that is still hanging in your kitchen; you may find yourself on the heels of a dilemma. Your motif options will include one of the following: 1) Sports (New England Patriots are really hot right now), 2) Muscle cars, 3) Yasmine Bleeth (isn't she getting a little old for this?), 4) Kittens, or 5) Hannah Montana. Choose wisely.

15 comments:

Melanie said...

The sugar-free stuff is indeed nas-tay. And I'm still kind of annoyed by the new "skinny" terminology thing. Dear Starbucks: I love to hate you, hate to love you.

ALF said...

oh man. I totally still need a 2008 calendar for our kitchen. If Doug has his say, we'll have the Patriots hanging proudly for the next 12 months...

Karen said...

I am a calendar freak and must (yes, must) purchase mine in October. I start hyperventilating if somehow this passes into November.

Melissa said...

I figure if your going to make coffee light than I might as well just take a pass. Coffee is an indulgence and making it light makes me not want to drink it.

I've so been there with the 4 year old and the potty. I have heard myself uttering, "CAN"T YOU SEE MOMMY IS BLOGGING?"

Like somehow my 5 year old will understand to go and do it herself...yeah, that's so not working.

Madame Queen said...

I let hubs pick the 2008 calendar and he picked birds. Which, okay yes, it is better than Hannah Montana. But still. Birds? Really?

And those extra ninety calories are so worth it. And did you know the whip cream is only another 100? Sometimes that's worth it, too!

JCK said...

Definitely not into that sugar-free shit. Dose me in 1/2 & 1/2 and sugar, BABY!

I laughed all the way through this. I relate to EVERYTHING. Especially the forgotten shopping item and then spending a bunch more money. Food is our highest expenditure and I can't seem to bring it down.

Also, addicted to blogging. Right here, SISTUH! It has saved my ass. And, yes... I have made the mistake of ignoring children's cries/screams only to find floods, spills and smears. No vomit. Yet...

Lulu said...

I'm a calendar junkie. I bought my 2008 calendar back in September. I hope you chose the kittens.

Nap Warden said...

So happy I never had the Starbucks habit...saves me calories and money:)

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Thank you for saving me from wasting my Starbucks budget on crap. I refused to try the Skinny stuff until somebody I trusted gave it a thumbs up. I'll keep waiting.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Yes, sometimes the whipped cream is worth it. Especially when it is coupled with hot chocolate!

I've yet to select a calendar. I'm still searching. There MUST be something out there other than what I've found so far.

Lulu said...

Girl - go here:
http://www.calendars.com/index.asp

This is where I always find mine. There's thousands!

Told you I was a junkie.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

lulu, you are a doll! MWAH!

jennifer h said...

Seriously, about the grocery shopping. WTF indeed.

As for the skinny (promises, promises) latte, I'm not skinny yet. (What, that's not how it works?) I do drink it non-fat, no sugar. My bubble is burst now!

Funny post. You always entertain me!

HRH said...

You need to seriously get a new calendar...remember you will be looking at it for a whole year! Of the listed....go get another one!

A Mom Two Boys said...

Okay, so I'm catching up from the week and I somehow missed this post.

A few things, which I KNOW you will find titillating...
1) The grocery store thing has been my friggin life this week. I went back yesterday for stuff I forgot, spent $97.64 and STILL forgot stuff. Bleh.
2) Starbucks charges more for a "SKINNY" vanilla latte than if you order a non-fat, sugar free thingy. & if you call them to complain, you can get a $25.00 gift card. I'm just saying. Here's the proof - http://mrs.flinger.us/index.php/summer06/blog_permalink/starbucks_says_we_arent_trying_to_over_charge_you/ (I'm not even going to try to make the link work. It's too early, I've not had nearly enough coffee)
3) I will heed your advice on the broccoli (or any other "disgusting" food) and the potty thing.