They Done Gone Tampered With the Snacks

I was watching some grocery shopping guru on some morning show not too long ago (could I be more vague?) and she was instructing us that we should be stocking up on the so-called (to paraphrase) "items that the store needs to get off the shelf", if it is something that your family will use; and to use our club cards. She also mentioned something about buying store brands as opposed to name brands but only if the quantity is the same or more. Or something like that. Honestly? I wasn't really paying all that much attention. But I did hear her say "instead of buying individual apples, buy the already bagged ones". And to make a list. I always make a list, and I looked for the pre-bagged apples which apparently my store doesn't carry. I also didn't wander the aisles aimlessly, nor was I hungry, and I had the list. I was rocking that advice that I was only sort of listening to. Milk in my store? $4.59 for a gallon of 2 percent. Outrageous, no? But with the club card it is 2 for $5.39. Better. And because during these warm longer days, our refrigerator in the garage has a revolving door and we're personally hydrating all of the children on the cul-de-sac with Gatorade and Capri Sun and beer, which was 2 for $6 for the former and $2.79 a box for the latter.

I only strayed twice from my meticulous list. Once for the -excuse me while I see your impulse item and raise you 2 hula hoops because that was an impulse item that I was all, "Hellz ya!", and once for the ice cream. Now, I know the economy is not performing at its level best right now and the government is having to bail out people whose homes are being foreclosed on because that same government made those same people unable to file for bankruptcy, but what the hell were these people thinking buying homes outside of their means and then treating the equity in their property like an ATM, making that hole they're digging go all the way to China. And I mean that literally. It was a recipe for disaster. And it now costs $80 to fill up a 20 gallon tank with gas and people can't afford to commute to their jobs but ohmygod what have they done with the ice cream! When I approached the freezer case I noticed that Dreyers had changed the packaging on their regular brand of ice cream. I had to scrutinize it to make sure it wasn't some fat-free crap that I was getting suckered into. I hate when that happens! Mr. Farklepants is very particular about his Mint Chip ice cream even though he doesn't eat it anymore but the kids do and I like to be prepared in case he changes his mind. So while I'm suspiciously eying this new packaging, I note that it seems as if the container is smaller. As if they'd shaved an inch off the bottom.



Goddammit I was right. However, they did not shave an inch off the price! It is still $6.49 and on sale for $4.99 with the club card just like the last time I purchased the larger pre-screw-the-consumer container. Those shifty ice cream stealing BASTARDS!! It's like they were all, "just make it fancy and those idiots won't even notice because they'll be too busy keeping their toddler from knocking over the display of canned creamed corn". What's next? One scoop of raisins in my Raisin Bran?

Also? In a "go Me!" moment, I saved $75.71 resulting in a $202 grocery bill, using my club card. SEVENTY-FIVE!! My personal best. Excuse me while I get to 2nd base with myself.