Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Dance Dance Evolution

Once upon a time, an ultra sound technician informed the Farklepants' that the fetus Tootsie was carrying came equipped with a vagina. The Farklepants', already proud parents to two fine sons, rejoiced and wept openly right there on the cold slab with what appeared to be KY jelly slathered all over Tootsie's belly. They were not embarrassed by their emotional outburst. In fact, they held hands and were kinda cute. Truth be told, this announcement probably saved the Farklepants marriage because Tootsie would have wanted to keep having children until all of that sex produced a daughter.

As soon as Girl-Child reached the age requirement for dance classes, her mother stuffed her chubby haunches into some tights and a leotard [She knows how it appears but she assures you that no shoe horns were needed to accomplish this] and sent her off to her first lesson where she was read a book about dancing. Baby steps. And the Farklepants boys were just glad that they had a sister because they knew that if they didn't, their mother would have lost all sense grabbing the first tutu she came into contact with, and would have thrown them into ballet and tap. [not that there's anything wrong with that]


It wasn't long before the first of many dance recitals was upon us. And a pink tutu.

And Girl-Child hopped right up on that massive stage and demonstrated her tremendous ability to bite her nails. There was very little dancing, in fact, there was none.


Then came the winter festival and Girl-Child became a snowflake.


This time actual dancing was involved. (note: toe tapping second from the right)

Another recital and more pink tutus! And dancing to the tune of, you guessed it, ABBA's Dancing Queen. [Who put that giant baby on the stage? Note to growth: Slow down]

And HERE is where a picture of last year's winter festival should be. But it isn't because her mother forgot to charge the battery in her camera and doesn't have one single photograph to document Girl-Child dressed as Santa's little helper. You'll just have to trust her when she says that there was a great deal of red and green and little bells. Her mother is ashamed of this faux pas.

And this past Saturday was the most recent recital.


And Girl-Child dragged her fatigued body that had been ravaged by projectile vomit and explosive diarrhea for the days leading up to the event; and in true professional form went on with the show. About three pounds lighter.


The girls tapped their way through Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy with pizazz! [and guidance from their instructor stage right she says in her best Snagglepuss]

The big finish! Complicated choreography for their age range but these girls pulled it off. They're now ready for the USO tour.

[Editor's note: No jazz hands were harmed in the grand finale.]

50 comments:

HRH said...

"That is so cute" she says in a slightly bitter kinda way thinking jealously how all that sex didn't produce a girl.

*snap out of it*

That is so cute! The big finish is really classic. You really can't go wrong with jazz hands.

standing still said...

I've heard that sometimes mothers have to turn tricks in order to bring home extra assloads of money for the required costumes? True or false?

Sue said...

Cuter.than.words!!!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I can't comment until I hear the answer to Standing Still's question!

Adorable, no doubt about it.

The Girl Next Door said...

Oh I'm so jealous. My daughter lasted exactly on session of ballet before trashing it for soccer. OK I'm not really that jealous b/c I am a total soccer hound. But I wanted her to have grace where I have none....sigh. Too cute for words, those snazzy photos...

MommyTime said...

Honestly, I was going to write a comment, but then I read Standing Still's and now I'm laughing so hard I can hardly type. Also, I want to know the answer. Because I might have to sign up my daughter for soccer instead when she turns three.

Lisa Milton said...

What a cutie. USO - watch out!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

It only took me one time of having sex to have a girl, and now I'm feeling guilty that she's not taking dance classes. I suppose I should rejoice in her vagina and encourage her to wear pink tutus, if only for those who are not so fortunate (HRH). Or, I'll just let your super-cute Girl Child do all the dancing. Yeah, I like that option. It's cheaper.

Kalynne Pudner said...

Standing Still --

As the mother of five daughters, may I say...er, well, ummmm....

Well, they make GREAT dress-up outfits for playdates afterwards.

Kalynne Pudner said...

P.S. for those contemplating soccer instead...

Training fees, kangaroo leather cleats, uniforms that need to be replaced every two years, gas to practice and games, tournament hotel and restaurant costs, residential camps, new balls that will be kicked over the fence and across the interstate within the month...

Ballet was cheaper. By FAR.

Queen Goob said...

How. Cute.

My daughter has yet to rejoice in her vaginaism but as she's a teenager I don't mind the wait. No dancing for us; it was too pink. Too pink? Oooooookay.

She's more into full-contact sports so I lovingly support her softball team. Softball? Full-contact? Well YEA, have you SEEN girls play softball?????

smalltownmom said...

Cute cute cute! Glad she recovered for the show to go on.

Jennifer said...

Yeah, we produced a girl w/o trying, one month after the honeymoon. Then, 3 years later, there was MUCH trying. And after many moons, that produced 2 girls at once. So, NO MORE TRYING. Even though hubby would love a boy, he wants no more girls. And none of mine like the dancing.

Cheri said...

Fantastic photos, including Santa's helper (I can picture it in my mind's eye).

I'm sure all that trying-for-a-baby-girl sex would have been hard on Mr. Farklepants. Um, I said hard on. No pun intended?

Minnesota Matron said...

Emotional outbursts? The Matron wept with fear and pain when she discovered her first was a BOY! Right there on that cold slab, slathered in jelly, right after the tech told her how lucky she was, healthy baby and all that - and a boy. She erupted!

JoeinVegas said...

Oh, I was worried about the jazz hands. Glad to hear they came through it OK.
Any video of the taps? She looks like a great performer.

EatPlayLove said...

Aah show girls.. very sweet.

Greta said...

Dammit. My girl-child just makes gorilla faces in the mirror at dance class. She likes horseback riding. Period. Dammit, dammit. It's all dirty and expensive {waaaah}.

Sooo cute.

barbra said...

Oh my God. Saturday was my daughters' dance recital, too!

The choreography was too complicated for them, too!

Big Girl' tap routine ended in the exact same pose!

Weird.

calicobebop said...

How sweet! Muffin's first recital is on Friday and I think she'll be standing on the big stage like a deer in headlights. Guess we'll see! Good to know that with time the anxiety wears off!

Ann said...

Ridiculously cute. I wonder if I could put a pink tutu on my boy yorkie. Don't think it would be the same. Live vicariously.

Marmarbug said...

I doubt I will ever get a girl. I swear my husbands family makes boys. There are no girls to be found.
So the name lives on my friends.
Love the pics!!! She is a cutie pie!

Did you pick an outfit yet????

Autumn said...

Two words - friggin cute.

She's doing way better than me. I managed to participate long enough to get one sad little trophy. Then I quit because the stupid outfits were too hot.

The hot spells plague me to this day.

Allie said...

She is so freaking adorable. If I ever have a baby it better be a girl and from the moment she comes out of the womb she will be wearing a tutu and she will love it.

San Diego Momma said...

I'm impressed that your daughter moved on from the biting nails on stage phase.

She also likes to hide food on her person, bring it up on stage and eat it while everyone else dances round her.

I've got a lot of prep to do before I enter her in America's Most Talented.

Deb
sandiegomomma.com

scargosun said...

Times like this actually remind me about the one good thing about grade school. Dance class was a weekly 'class' we actually got grades for. We had a Christmas Show and a Spring Show. LOVED the costumes. Congrats on haveing such a cute little dancer.

Nap Warden said...

Wow...so cute!

Melissa said...

Good news on the jazz hands! ;)

Swirl Girl said...

Love it!

Ahem, (snarky grin) my 4 year old tutu wearer was promoted to the 5 year old class (look at fingernails, wipe snarky grin off face) for her 'superior listening skills and large motor coordination.' I am so proud I could burst..(oops! I just did)

`from one stage mother to another
www.swirlgirlspearls.blogspot.com

jenontheedge said...

I have two girls and guess how many of them take dance lessons? ZERO. And not because I didn't ask/beg/cajole/nearly cry.

stephanie (bad mom) said...

Bravo!

My girl-child took a little ballet but seems over it. And my boy took three years of tap, leading me to have visions of "Singin' in the Rain" but we're still waiting...

seachange said...

You are doing the same thing I am in marking time of DD's life. :-)

However, your photos have far more pink in them than mine!

Nicole said...

My mom tried the whole ballet thing with me but eventually got tired of taking me to lessons and so she stopped. I wish she didn't though. I'd have loved to have kept doing it. =(

Michelle Hix said...

What a great little tribute...so cute!

Don Mills Diva said...

I need to go have some sex in hopes of a girl child.

Laski said...

Having massive girl child envy. Heck, J could pass for a girl . . . in a pink tutu. Too bad he can't dance. Heck, he can't even walk.

Where's LaskiGUY. We need to discuss this whole GIRL thing . . .

Rhea said...

Way too cute. I love all the different dance outfits. She's a cutie.

I have two boys and they're in dangerous threat of being stuffed in tutus...

apathy lounge said...

Unbelievably cute...my left ovary just exploded.

Nora Bee said...

Now I want a daughter. I think I just laid an egg.

Karen said...

Your boys could still benefit from ballet. Look at Lynn Swann.

dkuroiwa said...

I am so incredibly green with envy over here...I wanted a girl SOOO bad...swore my second one WAS a girl and when the dr. did the ultra sound and said it was another boy I asked," No! Really? Would you please look again because this is supposed to be a girl?"
I dreamed of pink tutus...but now...I just dream of all of us surviving on a day to day basis!! :-D

Your Pal Pinki said...

Oh sooo cute!!! My dd never wanted to dance. : )

Tootsie Farklepants said...

This is why I started her at 2 1/2. She wasn't old enough to know if she liked it or not and then it just became part of her routine.

Saucy said...

Girl child rocked those tippy tappy shoes. What a pro! The show, indeed, must go on.

Melissa said...

Ah, classic finish to the Bugle Boy. Well done. And such a precious cutiepie. Esp. while eating nails. Could squeeze her and kidnap her and lavish her with pink things (us boy mamas get a little crazy that way).

mommypie said...

You have totally convinced me to jump off the ballet bridge and enroll my four-year-old in dance class. (And my child is equipped with a vagina as well. Not that there would be anything wrong a little jazz hands if she weren't.)

Indy said...

I have boys so I love seeing all of these outfits. I can't even imagine the girl world of tutus.

Lulu said...

I'm thinking that you should have made the boys wear tutus anyway.

Colleen said...

I'm crying from all the cuteness. And because I will soon be stuffing one of my boys in a tutu because my husband refuses to give me a child "equipped with a vagina".

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