Dance Dance Evolution

Once upon a time, an ultra sound technician informed the Farklepants' that the fetus Tootsie was carrying came equipped with a vagina. The Farklepants', already proud parents to two fine sons, rejoiced and wept openly right there on the cold slab with what appeared to be KY jelly slathered all over Tootsie's belly. They were not embarrassed by their emotional outburst. In fact, they held hands and were kinda cute. Truth be told, this announcement probably saved the Farklepants marriage because Tootsie would have wanted to keep having children until all of that sex produced a daughter.

As soon as Girl-Child reached the age requirement for dance classes, her mother stuffed her chubby haunches into some tights and a leotard [She knows how it appears but she assures you that no shoe horns were needed to accomplish this] and sent her off to her first lesson where she was read a book about dancing. Baby steps. And the Farklepants boys were just glad that they had a sister because they knew that if they didn't, their mother would have lost all sense grabbing the first tutu she came into contact with, and would have thrown them into ballet and tap. [not that there's anything wrong with that]


It wasn't long before the first of many dance recitals was upon us. And a pink tutu.

And Girl-Child hopped right up on that massive stage and demonstrated her tremendous ability to bite her nails. There was very little dancing, in fact, there was none.


Then came the winter festival and Girl-Child became a snowflake.


This time actual dancing was involved. (note: toe tapping second from the right)

Another recital and more pink tutus! And dancing to the tune of, you guessed it, ABBA's Dancing Queen. [Who put that giant baby on the stage? Note to growth: Slow down]

And HERE is where a picture of last year's winter festival should be. But it isn't because her mother forgot to charge the battery in her camera and doesn't have one single photograph to document Girl-Child dressed as Santa's little helper. You'll just have to trust her when she says that there was a great deal of red and green and little bells. Her mother is ashamed of this faux pas.

And this past Saturday was the most recent recital.


And Girl-Child dragged her fatigued body that had been ravaged by projectile vomit and explosive diarrhea for the days leading up to the event; and in true professional form went on with the show. About three pounds lighter.


The girls tapped their way through Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy with pizazz! [and guidance from their instructor stage right she says in her best Snagglepuss]

The big finish! Complicated choreography for their age range but these girls pulled it off. They're now ready for the USO tour.

[Editor's note: No jazz hands were harmed in the grand finale.]