Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Enlightenment on a Spring!


For a change of pace, the kids, my sisters, and I hopped in the car yesterday morning and drove a little over an hour up the coast to Santa Barbara. Their beaches are less crowded, less polluted than the Los Angeles area coastline (albeit, not by much according to the 2006-07 California beach report), and the tourists speak with European accents -now that's just fancy. We encountered a pterodactyl pelican that was rather tame and looked at Girl-Child as if to say, "I'm capable of scooping you up into my distinctive pouch but your mother seems to be watching very closely".

We considered renting a double surrey (pictured above) until I started imagining cars crashing into us and our lifeless bodies strewn about while we made our way down Cabrillo Boulevard. I have a motto that I live by when on outings: Everyone returns home in one piece and alive, without the need for an iron lung, and with a face. Live it. It's a good one. Boy-Child#1 must have sensed my moment of sheer terror and chose a dashboard Jesus as his souvenir. I mean, can you think of anything that screams SANTA BARBARA more than that? Perhaps if plastic Jesus were firmly attached to a surf board.



So we headed to the sand and surf so that the kids could play in the waves, and some of us could work on our tans -and some of us ended up with unsightly sunburns because some of us didn't wear sunscreen or keep their cover ups on and hint: It wasn't the one who's concerned about wrinkles, skin cancer, and concealing stretch marks. And has this happened to you? You're just sitting there on the beach, minding your own business and your sister checks your phone for messages and says:

Sister: You have a text message from your hubby.
Me: What's he want?
Sister: "[The Boss] wants to know if you are you interested in a 3 month temp job here in customer service, 23ish"?
Me: 23ish, what? An hour?
Sister: I guess.
Me: Where? Which facility?
Sister: Doesn't say.
Me: Ugh. And commute?
Sister: I guess.
Me: What are the hours?
Sister: Doesn't say.
Me: (considering the fact that I'm sitting on a beach and not at a desk) No. Not really. Tell him I'll talk to him about it when he gets home. And tell him you guys want the job.
Sister: Totally! Wait, he sent another message.
Me: What's it say?
Sister: It's been filled.
Me: Sheesh! Whatever. [Note to self: FICKLE MUCH?!?]

33 comments:

Madame Queen said...

So has the Jesus replaced the other, um, decorative item in your car? ;)

$23 dollars AN HOUR? Holy crap, can I come temp there?

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Will dashboard Jesus be on the right or left of dashboard dildo?

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

I'm sort of impressed by that hourly wage, too. But who did your husband think was going to fill in for you at home?

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

It wasn't a good outing/vacation if everyone returns with a face.

The first thing I think of when I think of Santa Barbara has always been plastic Jesus (only in my mind he WAS surfing).

KEEP BELIEVING

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I very seriously want to know if the Jeses Loves You Mobile Carpet truck has that Jesus on its dashboard. I'm going to have to go hunting for the truck again.

Hen said...

Wow - I didn't know dashboard Jesus existed in the real world - I've got a virtual one on my MAC dashboard! He dances to whatever itunes plays!

Threeundertwo said...

We rented one of those surreys once.

Really. Stupid. Idea.

Marmarbug said...

Love the dashboard Jesus. Love it.

Greta/Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat? said...

Ugh. I had flashbacks of the time hubby and I got financially raped by a Canadian rickshaw driver in Toronto. Note to everyone: NEVER rent a rickshaw.

Ann said...

WAIT one MINUTE: you're going to replace the dashboard dildo with the dashboard JESUS? Did I arrive at the WRONG BLOG? Where the f AM I?

Allie said...

I want to move to Santa Barbara and go to the Brooks Institute for photography. What do you think?

I wish we had a beach to lay on.

Indy said...

I have heard of the dashboard Jesus but have yet to run into them at a store. I can't believe your little guy wanted it. Does he keep it in his room?

jenontheedge said...

"I have a motto that I live by when on outings: Everyone returns home in one piece and alive, without the need for an iron lung, and with a face."

Yeah, I think that's a pretty reasonable standard of living. I hate it when family outings end up with someone losing a major organ. Such a downer.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Is that dashboard Jesus going next to the dashboard Penis? 'Cause that is really going to confuse people!

JoeinVegas said...

What, you would rather sit on the beach than in an office? Where is that American work effort?

EmBee said...

Okay, so you won't ride in a surrey for fear of death... But have you ever witnessed that Cabrillo Beach undertoe? Holy Crap, I remember it well... I'd take the Surrey ANY day!
:-)

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

Heck! I want that temp job! 23 an hour is good money to a teacher.

And, that Jesus? Looks like a hippie.

Mr. Farklepants said...

I don't think any of these people all excited over $23/hr live in Los Angeles...

Nicole said...

mr. farklepants...

I live in Los Angeles and I am making half of that, so if it comes along again - give me a call haha. I could send over my resume within a matter of seconds.

Stu said...

Are you going to have room for Jesus next to your dashboard wang? If you do need to commute, take the wang. People will think twice about road raging a lady with a dashboard wang. "I was going to run her off the road but..."

-Stu

Immoral Matriarch said...

I want a job making $23 an hour. As long as I can stay at home and do it. Because I'm super lazy. Is that bad?

katydidnot said...

hard to give up the beach, even for 23/hr.

Madge said...

the Jesus is just killing me.

Cheaper in Baht said...

Put Jesus facing the wang. That way Jesus will look like he's praying to the wang.

Or if you dare...put the wang between his prayer hands and drive on a bumpy road for some extra offensive fun!

Swirl Girl said...

an old song by college crooner John Volpe goes something like this
"I don't care if it rains or freezes, long as I got my plastic Jesus sitting on the dashboard of my car (2,3,4,) It can rain and get really hairy as long as I got magnetic Mary sittin' on the dashboard of my car."

just thought I share that with y'all...

JCK said...

No way $23/hour can compete with Plastic Jesus, iron lungs and sunburn. I mean...come ON.

Great post, Tootsie! :)

Manager Mom said...

That dashboard Jesus kills me. I used to have a beer bottle opener in the likeness of the Pope that I bought outside the Vatican city in Rome - I called it the Popener and it survived three moves before I finally lost it.

A Mom Two Boys said...

I'm going to PRETEND that I didn't just read that you were in Santa Barbara and didn't tell me.

Having said that, how was your trip to Oxnard?

EatPlayLove said...

I love Santa Barbara, ocean and mountains, to me it doesn't get much better than that.

And, the polluted ocean in southern cali is such a bummer!

HRH said...

I am so glad you made it home alive and unemployed. Those are my top two priorities right now.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

A Mom Two Boys~ Oxnard was GREAT! ;)

Karen said...

If you put Jesus in the front and the more colorful one stuck to your back window, people will know you coming and going.

Colleen said...

We did a small surrey last summer when we went to Virginia Beach...a two+ surrery...two adults pedaling and a seat for Gavin (and I really needed an extra seat for my huge prego ass). It wasn't too bad, but in May there aren't too many folks on the boardwalk for us to crash into.