Tootsie's weekly advice column. She's no expert, although she's not really sure what constitutes "expert". If it involves school, she attended the school of Very Strong Opinions. Questions are welcomed. Answers may borderline ridiculous.
Titus Livius wrote "Potius sero quam numquam". Translation "Better late than never". So I bring you Friday's advice column five days past its due date. Titus Livius also wrote "Sic deinde, quicumque alius transiliet moenia mea!" Translation: "And so be damned, whomever shall jump over my walls!". So consider your visit today one of those "at your own risk" deal-e-ohs.
Q: The Madame Queen has lack of tanning needs: "I have a problem when I'm out in the sun. For some reason, my legs (particularly my shins and calves) never seem to tan at the same rate as the rest of my body. I've tried all kinds of positions (get your mind out of the gutter!) to maximize sun exposure and nothing seems to work. Self tanners are out b/c once I start to get real sun the fake stuff just looks, well, fake. Help me, Tootsie. Any advice?"
A: Well, since I can't willingly suggest sunbathing or tanning beds because melanoma is the anti-sexy and rumored to be...what's the word I'm looking for?....oh yeah deadly; I suggest getting a spray tan from your local spa. I have never tried this myself but I do have a friend who has a similar issue as you with the whole "my legs won't tan" thing. And the spray tan looks great on her. Not orangey like you'd picture it. It can be pricey though, so perhaps save this technique for special occasions. And my mind was not in the gutter. It was trapped in the pages of the Kamasutra, thankyouverymuch.
Q: Anglophilefootballfanatic is a very patient woman: "You never answered my ?s from two weeks ago. Just sayin'."
A: I cannot find them in my inbox. They are not in my box of rocks. I'd love to answer them for you, Ma'am. Please resubmit, AnglophilefootballFAN.
Q: Standing Still seeks toe shade advice: "Favorite nail color for toes for this summer? And, please, nothing green, or blue, or black. I am older than that trend can handle. Merci!"
A: Okay, I'll answer but only because you said "please" in French. Green, blue, or black should not be on anyone's nails and I don't care what the runways are sporting this season. Hey, if I was a high fashion model and regularly skipped meals resulting in impaired judgment then I'd probably be willing to give it a try. But I'm not. I am a tried and true go with what looks good on you kinda gal. And my favorite colors on me are pinks in neutral tones. I don't really do bright colors. And, in my book, the same rule applies to makeup. Fads can be dangerous. Look how many people suffered with the thong leotard and leg warmers.
Q: Cheri is curious about the men
on my street in my life: "Is the neighbor hawt (because he's helpful)? Is Mr. Farklepants hawt (because his comment makes me think he's funny and plays nicely with others)? I already know Tootsie is hawt and she has good taste in clothes."
A: No. The neighbor is not hawt. Nor is he hot, or hott. Nice, yes, but he's not any kind of hot. Yes, Mr. Farklepants is hawt. My opinion may be biased, however. It's not really his appearance that gets me all to wanting to make the sexy time with him, though. It's his sense of humor and his brain. The man is ridiculously smart. He and I have an agreement that his picture is not to be posted on my blog. But he pretty much is a dead ringer for Hugh Grant, but only when Hugh Grant is smiling.
Q: The Stay at Home Mom Going Quickly Insane seeks blog traffic advice: "I remember when I first started reading your blog, I would go through and read several entries & comment and I would be the only commenter. However you have a meteoric rise to Internet Power and now approximately a fulfillion commenters on each & every entry. Any advice for someone who would like to experience same? And please do not say read more blogs and comment on more blogs. If I read any more blogs my husband is going to feature me on the back of a milk carton. Please tell me there is a magic pill or cream that can give me the same results and that if I call now to order I can get twice as much for the same price only paying for the extra shipping and handling."
A: I wish I knew! I'm consistently amazed and flattered that people take the time out of their busy day to traipse over here and read my silly words. And I DO keep it silly because real life can totally NOT be. It also helps that I have a husband who spends just as much time on his computer as I do mine so
*Hugh Grant photo lifted from Google Images