Monday, June 23, 2008

If They can Invent Boner Pills Why Not "Meal Pills"?

While our children may not have inherited Mr. Farklepants' blue eyes, they most decidedly own his taste buds. Preparing a meal that everyone will eat in this house is a finely orchestrated spectacle. Most casseroles, stews, and soups are forbidden for the simple rule that items from separate sections of the food pyramid cannot be touching one another; and more importantly, in most cases, nothing can be "wet". Exceptions to this rule are buttered noodles, spaghetti, and mac & cheese. Last night I made my "white chili", or "chicken bean soup" as it's called in our house. Because I often name our recipes based on the precise ingredients so that everyone knows where we stand when dinner hits the table since if there's any question it will be met with resistance. The problem with my "chicken bean soup" is that only two people in this house will eat it and those are the same two people that are old enough to walk into any bar in Las Vegas, order a jello shot, and lick it off the nearest six pack or navel. -Jello is not part of the food pyramid although I follow the old school grid because it is what I was taught, much like how I learned that there was once a dinosaur named "brontosaurus" and a planet known as "Pluto" old dog new tricks you understand- That means the kids had hot dogs. Again.

Saturday night we finally introduced them to sushi because we were feeling brave and frankly, we wanted it and were comfortable with them going hungry if they weren't willing to try. Boy-Child#1 actually liked it, although not as much as his tempura and teiryaki chicken. Boy-Child#2 at least tried it and begrudgingly even though his eyes said "I can't believe I just put that in my mouth" ate his tempura shrimp and teriyaki chicken because he'd already seen what was for dessert so he worried it down. Girl-Child was all, "yeah, uh, I don't think so are you high?". There were questions about the miso soup, such as "what are those white chunks" and "why don't I have a spoon" -in my opinion, both valid. Other observations: 1) Chopsticks cannot be mastered in one sitting. It also explains why the Japanese are thin compared to their American counterparts who eat a Denny's super sized meal using a shovel. 2) Grabbing a plate of tuna sushi from the revolving assembly line is risky and considered an extreme sport. Ask either of the two bathrooms that Mr. Farklepants visited yesterday. 3) Edamame is overrated. Good for you and fun, but eh. And 4) There is always one child who is more interested in the restaurant bathroom than what's for dinner.

Next time we'll start them off with some sake. Which is made from rice and part of the food pyramid so please hold off on calling CPS just yet.

35 comments:

Madame Queen said...

Thanks to the Magic Treehouse books, Bubba went through a serious Japan phase wherein he wanted to eat every meal with chopsticks and even agreed to try to sushi. I think mostly he just wanted to be a ninja.

Kristi said...

I've been preaching about the greatness of the non-existent meal pill forever. They could even include a glass of red wine. For the heart. Yeah. The heart.

Threeundertwo said...

You are brave. I think I'd be taking my life in my hands if I took my kids for sushi.

Melissa said...

I don't blame your kids. Me try, me no likey...maybe I haven't drank enough sake yet? ;)

Ann said...

The kids get gold stars for trying, for sure. J'adore sushi - we have it weekly. I'm with them, though, on all the food touching stuff - I grew up in the Midwest and am still recovering from the nasty hotdish combinations - so it could be genetic.

standing still said...

Whenever people brag at me and say "Little Rosemary's favorite food from the time she was born has been broccoli and squid" I roll my eyes and think "apparently you're not living with my husband and the spawn of his loins." That ain't happnin' here.

Sue @ My Party of 6 said...

Yup. Sounds very familiar. Except that neither my husband or my kids would ever put sushi in their mouths. We play the semantics game. All meat is "chicken" ~ especially fish. And zucchini is "cucumbers." Which fooled even my husband. Once I told him to cut up and saute a zucchini for the kids and he used an actual cucumber.

Kim said...

K what is Pluto now known as? They gotta stop changing things. Here, they now call Geography, Social Studies - they were two diff things when I was in school.

jenontheedge said...

At least yours will eat man 'n' cheese and hot dogs -- mine won't touch them.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

I have grown to hate family mealtime. Hate it.

Greta said...

Oh they have 'em. They just turn your kid purple and then they blow up like a blueberry.

Oh wait...

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I admire you're willingness to try getting them to eat it. Frankly, we don't have enough money for all of us to eat sushi so we kept it from them as long as possible. The older two discoved it anyway. Damn!

laughingatchaos said...

One kid likes sushi and has had it since he was four, the other hasn't had it yet. But they both love the local sushi restaurant because they can get chicken teriyaki bento boxes and they're happy. ;)
And sake...I can take the boys anywhere for dinner if there's sake involved. LOL!

Undomestic Diva said...

Screw the pooch, let's you and I head out for some sushi - and sake - and later on, throw the kids in the pool while we down alcoholic beverages. EAT YOUR HEART OUT CPS.

Indy said...

Before you had kids, could you have ever imagined how hard it would be to feed them? You couldn't have told me and I wouldn't have believed. Unbelievable.

ms-teacher said...

I am one of the lucky few, I guess, who have kids that aren't particularly picky. That in itself, causes problems. My two boys (16 and 12) will devous the entire contents of the fridge in the space of an hour and then ask moments later, "what's for dinner?"

I kids you not. We have learned to have an extra fridge out in the garage, which is locked, in order to keep some food in the house.

Marmarbug said...

I make the husband eat what I cook. Period. My kid can't decide that food is gross. Yet.

Jennifer H said...

My kids want to go to the sushi restaurant lately. But that's because they've never tried it. (Full disclosure: I've only tried it once, and I'm not very excited about it.) Still, I might take them once so they can get it out of their system. (But not in the Mr. Farklepants way. Probably.)

They'll end up ordering tempuraor teriyaki chicken, I'm guessing.

Swirl Girl said...

the one thing I am truly blessed with is good eaters. (I know, I am blessed with their intellect and health too...) My girls have been eating what we eat since they were born...if they don't want it, they go to bed hungry!

I do totally get the food touching thing, though. My older one eats methodically (softest to crunchiest) and my younger one eats numbers her options and eats in numeric order. Anal retentive much?? But at least they eat variety!

ALF said...

I like that none of the food can be "wet".

The Girl Next Door said...

Good for you mom! I have 1 child who would eat ANYTHING and to this day loves chicken marsala for breakfast and all sushi for any meal, and one child who liked "chicken fingers, hot dogs and expensive fish" until he was 15. Now he'll eat ANYTHING and often - oh the love of teenagers. But we put it all in front of him as a child and pretty much said, "eat it or go hungry." sometimes he went hungry (ok I always made sure there was something on the table that was his favorite he could load up on...). usually he ate the "hated thing.". And whenever we go out or to a family or friend dinner, the children MUST take a "social bite" of everything. thank goodness we don't have food allergies. This strategy has served us well over the years, except for enduring my exploding head on many nights....but now we have teens who will eat anything and never embarass me at a friend's house (like my brother's friend who couldn't eat our chicken dinner because it made his "back hurt!" his mother was mortified!) Then again, maybe God just gave me willing and hungry children.
oh and please pass the wine...

Nicole said...

It's funny - I noticed too the pickiness of the dad makes a huge difference. My cousin's dad is super picky so she came out super picky. My dad isn't picky at all, and I am not picky at all. Funny how that works.

Minnesota Matron said...

Laughing so hard. We finally scored pay dirt with the Tea House, a superior Chinese restaurant that the children love: scallion pancakes, juicy dumplings, the richest shrimp, and a garlic eggplant dish. The kids even taste new and potentially dangerous items!

smalltownmom said...

Mine eat sushi. But my 17 year old still says won't eat zucchini. About 4 years ago he made himself vomit after eating it, and he has refused to touch it ever since.

OHmommy said...

You are awesome. Sake is totally made from rice. LOL.

EatPlayLove said...

we adore sushi in our house and our kids are 4 and 18 months, they eat vege rolls. Not sure about the sushi revolving assembly line, never ventured into a japanese restaurant like that!

Stacey said...

My five year old loves checking out new toilets. We had Chinese for lunch on Sunday (the food, not the people) and he couldn't wait to get to the restaurant "because I need a poo" - this was before we left home.
Zuccchini is gross. I'll eat sushi (as will my boys) but no-one's touching that tasteless crap in our house.
The husband has a whole set of complex food adjacency rules. Peas and corn should always be separated by meat apparently.

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

Damn. The whole post I was waiting for some boner references. Instead I got a recap of what goes on in my daily mealtime regime. except for the part of the kids actually LIKING the tempura anything other than a tempura MCNUGGET.

KEEP BELIEVING

stephanie (bad mom) said...

Me call CPS? Our kids have opinions about which Mike's Hard Lemonade flavor they like best. Based on their infrequent sips from mom & dad's drinks at dinner, of course.

And if I create a meal that doesn't somehow revolve around a DinoChicken or mac & cheese, there is pouting. Which I ignore, but I'm saying I hear you loud & clear.

Best of luck.

Jill said...

I have always wanted my children to love sushi as much as we do... though sadly, I didn't introduce it to them as early as I should have. Thus, my 5 year old makes gagging noises when we show her California Rolls. Yet, my 3 year old will try anything.. as long as she gets a "treat" afterwards.

And sake? It's the only alcohol my husband will drink... and I usually end up driving him home after a night out!

Good on you!

katydidnot said...

laughed so hard i snorted.

g said...

My child lived until he was eight years old only on french bread. When we went out to restaurants, we wouldn't order anything forhim, but he would devour the bread basket and we'd ask for seconds. At pizza parlors, my husband and I would eat our slices down to the sauceless part of the crusts, and then give the crusts to our child 0 disgusting, I know, but it was what he wanted!!!

Tonight is three days after his 20th birthday. I'm upstairs and he is down on the deck with 9 of his friends; he invited them over for a cookout and bought bratwurst and hot dogs and ground beef to make hamburger, which he mixed up with spices and a drop of balsamic vinegar before making into patties; He chose the type of cheddar to melt on the buns, and they also served apple pie and Persian ice cream for dessert. They're drinking red wine and beer and soda.

How delightful that they all grow up. I think the odd quirks and funny habits they have when young are their way of having control over their lives, and when they feel comfortable and at ease with themselves, they move on.

I know that watching my grownup son laughing with his friends was a huge reward for me.

JCK said...

I really like the Kamikaze approach to Sushi experimentation going on at Casa de Farklepants!

And I think G has an interesting point about kids and control. I've thought that myself. Oh, yeah, that was my husband.

Colleen said...

I can't make myself eat sushi, no matter how cool I want to be, so I don't think I'll be very successful on making my kids eat it.

Jason said...

You said boner pills!