Friday, June 20, 2008

I Feel so Strongly About it that Operation ALL CAPS has Been Instituted

I'm not a "home party" person. You know, the Tupperware, Cookie Lee jewelry, Longaberger baskets, Pampered Chef, fill in the blank.I get that it's an excuse for socializing but so is going to Starbucks. I don't appreciate it when friends and/or acquaintances invite me to their home so that they can get a discount on stuff for themselves and the more I spend the bigger their savings. Why can't I just come over for dinner? I will bring a nice wine and perhaps a tasty fruit tart -you just never know I may surprise you. Once upon a time when I was seventeen young and only made $6.50 an hour didn't know better I was invited to my first ever candle party. Where I spent a quarter of my modest paycheck on some beach scented candles. A scent that I could have reproduced by opening up a bottle of Coppertone suntan oil. Not long after that I attended a Pampered Chef party where I post dated a check for a paring knife because after watching the YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS! demonstration of an apple being cored RIGHT BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES AND BAKED INTO A COBBLER! *PIZAZZ* *ASTOUND*, I felt pressured to leave with something. Number of times paring knife has been used? Answer: what's paring? And don't even get Mr. Farklepants started on my sixty dollar Longaberger basket tissue box [lid at additional cost] and OHMYWORD the mocking is still in practice for my seventeen dollar Tupperware ice cream scooper that is coated in a space age material designed to MELT THE ICE CREAM AS YOU SCOOP to make for easier scoopage, as it were. Did you hear that just now? He totally rolled his eyes at me and my cute attribute called - gullible. It's not that I'm a sucker [except for the scooper I have to admit I fell for it] it's that I feel a tremendous amount of pressure to PURCHASE SOMETHING because everyone else is. You know WHY they're all doing it? Because NO ONE wants to be the ONLY one in the room NOT buying something and then be THAT person.


One day I pulled myself aside and had a solemn chat with dupable and a verbal contract was made that I would no longer attend a home party. Period. I don't care what is being sold. That's right Ms. Good Friend of Eighteen Years, I will not choose my bedding from inside your home. If I cannot find it in Bed Bath and Beyond, what makes you think I'll find what I'm looking for in your living room? It may also come as a surprise to you readers that I will refuse an adult toy home party as well. I'm an old fashioned girl. I do my adult toy shopping at the Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood, like any self respecting adult. If I'm going to be naughty then I'm going to immerse myself totally in the culture. And buy the biggest WANG that comes equipped with a suction cup and adhere it to the dashboard in my car while driving down Santa Monica Boulevard. True story. That's how I roll.

41 comments:

Madame Queen said...

OMG I got talked into going to one of those toy parties once. The worst part was the games we had to play. We actually had to put a piece of paper on top of our head and draw a penis. Seriously.

I did get some kind of fun gummy penises out of it, though.

standing still said...

I loved the toy party I went to ... it was fantastic seeing my church friends getting their hands on a giant dildo. And, now I know exactly how many of my funky chuch lady friends keep spare batteries in their bedside table. AND, we all have a sworn oath: If something happens to me and my darling husband, you are to enter my home, go straight to the nightstand, and remove any contents that will embarrass my child new guardian parents before they arrive.

The Sharitz Family said...

Seriously, I know what you're saying about those parties. I stood firm at the adult toy party I went to and came home empty handed- do I REALLY need the assistance of my friends and neighbors for something like that??? I think not!

Sue said...

I'm going to bookmark this post and re-read it every time I feel weak and am about to accept an invitation to one of these parties. I think I need to get out more because I always go for the "social" aspect but then come home with a receipt and an emptied out bank account.

jenontheedge said...

I simply refuse to attend those parties. I don't even offer an excuse like "Oh, I have PTO that night." I just say I can't attend and leave it at that.

I don't need kitchen stuff, I can't stand scented candles, and I think Longaberger baskets are an incredible waste of money, so there's really no temptation whatsoever.

Caution said...

What is happening around here is an invite for a "girls' night out", blah, blah. Then the unsuspecting girls get there and are handed the catalog du jour. I finally learned.

Beckie said...

You are so much nicer than I am. I flat out say no because I'd rather buy my *insert product here* on clearance at Target. I can't even fathom an adult toy party.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I can actually go and not buy anything.

I haven't attended an "adult" party--I suspect most of my friends feel the same way about it you do.

I'm glad to know how to identify your car when I'm in the L.A. area!

Jennifer H said...

I haven't attended many of them (I find that the "my husband is away and I can't get a sitter" excuse works very well. But I didn't get roped into attending an adult toy party with one of my good friends, along the lines if if "I have to go, you're going with me."

Neither one of us are prudes, but seriously? I didn't order anything. I didn't want everyone there to know what, or if, I ordered.

(That's what UPS is for, right?)

Way to be strong, Tootsie!

Ann said...

I don't attend ANY home parties, just on principal - I just don't believe in putting friends in the awkward position of buying from friends, ick.

I'm with you - I know where to buy stuff, and when to buy it. And if I want a big, bad foot-long dildo - I mean, I'd rather make a night of it. Not a finger-food party, 'scuse the pun, wow - not intended. Shutting it now.

g said...

AND, we all have a sworn oath: If something happens to me and my darling husband, you are to enter my home, go straight to the nightstand, and remove any contents that will embarrass my child new guardian parents before they arrive.

they ought to sell insurance policies like that!

Susie said...

You are all invited over for tea and cookies and I won't even make you buy anything. You can take the dog though, no charge.

Angie said...

My favorite at the Silpada Jewelry parties where you can enjoy Silver accessories for 40% more than you can get them regular price at your local Macy's or Kohl's and 75% more than when they are on sale at Macy's or Kohl's.

I LOATHE home parties. LOATHE THEM!!!

KEEP BELIEVING

All Adither said...

Yeah, I can't stand all those home parties. The guilt is too much.

Dre's Sweet Life said...

Gah, the PRESSURE. I won't go anymore, either! It all ends up collecting dust anyway.

Come on over to my place and enter to win FREE CHOCOLATE! No home party involved.

http://blog.sweetlifesite.com

Jenny said...

You are my hero.
Seriously.

JoeinVegas said...

But, don't you want to know what your neighbors are buying in case yours breaks and you need to borrow something in the middle of the night? (Oh, did I really just say that? Sorry)

JCK said...

But, will you go shopping with a girlfriend to the Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood? If so, it will be me! My fishnets are torn.

As far as the come over and buy the stuff parties, I'm with you 100%. Great post! You could start a club.

"We realize we powerless over Tupperware Parties and ..." Just call it STUPID HOSTESS PARTIES ANONYMOUS.

Greta:Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat? said...

I go to none of those. Didn't you know it's all about cult recruitment? Just like scientology. OMG, I bet Katie Holmes totally got invited to a Tastefully Simple party first!!!!

insane mama said...

You attach your Toy to your dashboard? COOL.
West hollywood is by far the best area to buy adult items.

Colleen said...

*sigh*
no love for a girl trying to make enough money to get out of working for The Man.

BTW, went to one of those sex toy parties once...the consultant would take your order in a different room, and I got me a tube of minty "Good Head". yeah, that kind of head. Made my breath nice and fresh!

Threeundertwo said...

LOL I really need to see a picture of your car now.

Please, *somebody* explain why Longaberger baskets cost so much? I've been to homes absolutely loaded with them. Why WHY WHY???

Melissa said...

I'm so with you on the toy party. I went to one neighborhood party and the rumor mill told the whole neighborhood that I left the party with a wheelbarrow full of stuff...yeah, not so much!

I'm going to a chocolate party next month, can't eat it, so I won't be buying it. True socialization and free, too!

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

See, being a good Catholic school girl means I'm just in shock such a party exists? For real?? Oh my God.

MadWoman said...

I gotta say I'm a total sucker for home parties. I used to be a tupperware consultant, and did all of one party. I just couldn't sell $60 pieces of plastic. If people wanted to order from the catalogue through me, then so be it. Otherwise? Um no.
I also sold Usborne boooks. I did more of those parties...but man...hard sell.

I've hosted a few of the toy parties though. For me it's a great excuse to get my more prudish friends out for a night of fun and jello shots. I dont give a horses ass if they buy anything, and quite frankly I like seeing the look on the consultants face when *I* am the only one buying something :)

San Diego Momma said...

Don't EVEN get me started on the $60 Silpada Jewelry earrings I purchased at a home party, then saw at Claire's Boutique a few days later.

Deb
sandiegomomma.com

katydidnot said...

suction cupped wang? oh my. i'm with on the amway-esque home selling. no thanks.

stu said...

Still laughing about the dildo on your dashboard. I am picturing you at a stoplight, you and the person next to you lock eyes, they see your giant dashboard wang and they have a Virgin Mary...

-Stu

Kalynne Pudner said...

I would have sworn the "adult toy party" was just your latest facetious masterpiece, until I read all the comments. I'm with anglophilefootballfanatic. And Jenn, in re looking for your car when in L.A.

Cheaper in Baht said...

Whenever I get an invitation to one of those, I simply tell them I can't attend because I have a policy against them.

I'm with you. If you want to get together for an evening of fun, invite me over for a glass of wine.

myra@wemakethree.com said...

i'm standing strong with you sister. NO home parties for me. i banned them a long time ago. nobody even bothers to ask me anymore. and i like it that way.

Stacey said...

You know, this is the first time I've seen the word WANG on a blog. Let's hope its not the last.
I also will not attend one of those parties, particularly Enjo. There's no way I'm going to sit around drinking cheap wine and watching a demo on $100 wash cloths.

Timi said...

HERE HERE SISTA!!!!! Good For you!
I made a stand also long ago that I wouldn't attend these home parties anymore unless there was something I really needed. Which most often is not!
I too have wrote post dated checks, spent all of my J.C.Penny paycheck (I made $3.85 and hour with a $125.00 monthy rent, I was strpped)on Tupperware, and Home Interiors. I was dirt poor but damn my little place looked good and I had storage containers for food when I could afford it!
Me attending a party now would depend on who's having the party and who's going to be there. Some friends do better spreads then others, with better guests. I'm all about the food, drink and socilizing with people I like! I don't have a problem saying no if I'm not hip with the guest list. I mean really, if your going to have to sit through one of these stupid things you should like the people your there with.
We have a new trend in my area called "fund raisers". I got sucked in to one of these "fund raisers" last night.
I got invited to a "fund raiser" for breast cancer. I said to my friend who invited me, "sure, I'll go with you!" "That's a great cause."
F*&^%$ if it wasn't a Cookie Lee party!
So beware ladies of the "fund raiser".

Swirl Girl said...

If we all hate these things so much, why are there so many of them? Why can't we all just shop from infomercials like I do?? The products are always genuine and work great, just like the British guy says, right?

signed your ginzu knife weilding, magic bullet mixing, soiled floor sweepa, body minizer, maxed out credit card tv addict.

HRH said...

I am inviting AFF to my next home "passion" party. I guess your RSVP will be NO.

This was super funny. I got the Longenberger basket that was like 80 dollars without the lid. What is up with that?

Pumpkin Delight said...

I totally agree! I got myself involved in vicious candle party circle that I couldn't get myself out of for awhile. It's like the mafia where you almost have to die if you want to leave the family.

ALF said...

I'm totally with you on the home parties. They're lame.

Karen said...

A friend of mine started selling that stuff. I never had a party, just to clarify. She claimed their sex life had never been better and was just what they needed after so many years of marriage.

They're now divorced. That stuff is way overrated.

Allie said...

These parties really do suck you in and make you feel like you NEED what they have to offer. How do they do that?

Marmarbug said...

I HATE home parties too. I am so sick of them all. I finally just started to decline any/all invites. And they no longer come.

The sex parties are just um, weird. I used to go to home parties with my mom (i.e. Tupperware, Mary kay) and the THOUGHT if attending a sex party with my MOM scares me so bad that I can't fathom the thought.

Donna-Michele said...

All those replies and no one mentioned the "bridal shower" toy party, complete with the groom's mom and other older than dirt-prude relations and soon to be relations. I got sucked in and showed up the first time...only to turn on my heal and leave without leaving the tasteful gift I had purchased... I sent it to her UPS later. Now I ask the theme of the "bridal shower".