This Post Fueled Entirely by Random

At approximately 12:07pm yesterday afternoon our internet went out. It had been sketchy the night before and throughout the morning. And when I say sketchy, I mean: bitch. The frustrating part about it, other than you know the lack of service, was that all the lights on the modem and the wireless box thingy receiver indicating that all systems were go, were in working order. So in order to know if it was up and running again, I logged on approximately 973 twenty separate times and rebooted everything just as many. I also kicked the dog, screamed at the children, slammed one or two doors and bit the UPS man. Not really. But I did discover something a tad unpleasant about myself. I have an addiction. It's one thing to have other plans and leave the computer and all of her seductive powers of your own accord...like when you're shopping, attending graduations, or at the beach. But if you're sitting around with a whole bunch of nothing to do AND your plan was to catch up on some of the blogs that got pushed aside for other pressing issues in the last couple of weeks, well, the result was double bagger ugly.

I contacted Mr. Farklepants at work, where internet access exists, and have him update my sisters on our impromptu trip to Santa Barbara today. The answer to their questions were: 1) Be at my house at 9:30am, 2) Wear your bathing suits under your clothes, and 3) That is all. There is no "3". What? Yes, I know I could have called them. Shut up. Being without internet access is kind of like, well, it's like:

1. Up shit's creek without a paddle (but with less negative outcomes)
2. 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife
3. On a sinking ship and no raft
4. Only having a flat head when you need a Phillip's head screw driver
5. Or being stuck on the side of the road without cellular phone service...

...Only with air conditioning. Indoor plumbing. And a couch. And television. And snacks.

Check internet access.

And...HEY LOOK! BROWNIEEEES!! We have to make these RIGHT NOW!

And naps. And UNO.

Check internet access.

Know this: Scrabble with a four year old is very trrrryyyyying. She won. And I mean that in the nicest way possible.

Wait for the husband to get home to fix this. Because I was at the point where I stopped blaming any outside source and was admitting that it must be me. The little woman.

Check internet access.

Go outside and BUBBLES!!!!

Listen to husband on hold with Earthlink for 3 days. Verdict? Internet will be back in 2-3 hours. That would put us around midnight or 1am.

Watch 300 because computer generated abs get me hawt. And make me wish we'd named our first born Leonidas. And make me walk around the house shouting SPARTA!! Only with less bravado and more Tourette's Syndrome.

The end.

EDITOR'S NOTE: It has been brought to my attention that I have at least two readers whose children have Tourette's Syndrome. Please know that I did not intend to offend anyone. I apologize for my comment.