Thursday, June 12, 2008

It's a Wonder I Have Any Hair Left What With All of the Pulling

Before I go further, I feel it is my duty that you know this: Neutrogena Grapefruit-Nectarine scented self tanner smells like grapefruit-nectarine scented self tanner. It is not the "delicious fresh scent" that they are claiming. Why am I even telling you this seemingly unrelated fact of the day? Because as I sit here writing this entry I'm dying from the odor wafting up from m'legs. Now you know a little more about me. And Neutrogena.

Back to our regularly scheduled observation.

Ripped from the pages of the marital handbook under the section titled: Stuff that Drives Your Wife Crazy but What the Hell is Her Problem She Should Know Better After Eleven Years and Eleven Months, Anyway.

Conversation from yesterday evening...

Me: Did you call your dad and wish him a happy birthday today?
Mr. Farklepants: Today's his birthday? I don't recall getting any reminders.
Me: I told you last night.
Mr. Farklepants: And you expect me to remember TODAY?
Me: So call him now.
Mr. Farklepants: Aren't we going to see him tomorrow anyway at Boy-Child#1's graduation?
Me: Yes.
Mr. Farklepants: So I'll just tell him then.
Me: Okay. But he'll say "thanks but it was yesterday"
Mr. Farklepants: So? I think that sort of thing bothers you more than it does me.

Well he's got me there.

Several minutes later...

Me: Boy-Child#2 had his school play tonight!
Mr. Farklepants: Oh! So that's where you were when I got home. I wondered what happened to you guys.
Me: I told you this morning.
Mr. Farklepants: And you expect me to remember all the way to tonight?
Me: I told you THIS MORNING! Should I call and remind you all day because that wouldn't bother you at all.
Mr. Farklepants: I don't know why you seem surprised that I don't remember no matter how many times I'm reminded.

So why does he bother stating that he doesn't remember getting any reminders if he isn't going to remember the reminders anyway? Someone hand me the white flag. Or some sturdy piano wire. And someone remind me to choke him with it.

42 comments:

Threeundertwo said...

Are we married to the same guy? But they're cute, and they kill spiders.

Very funny post.

Greta said...

No shit. Seriously. I swear someday I'm going to start stapling toothpaste, socks, and car keys to his forehead. No joke.

standing still said...

MechanicalMan doesn't have text on his phone. I think the MEN at the office have it figured out that if they give the MEN text, we wives will be able to say "I told you that" and it will be in writing.

HRH said...

My husband would claim that you are married to me. Quite honestly I think it is a sexy, quirkly trait.

Ann said...

Yeah, on some days I'd rate it an irritation level 7/10, sometimes 8/10 depending on PMS. How does Farkle remember things at work? I think they remember things at work just to stick it to us, those mens.

You could grab his cell phone and program in ALL these alarms with reminders for him, that'd be fun - love to here an update on that little exercise.

MommyTime said...

My husband + your husband would be one excellent mind: mine is very good at remembering things (and even showing up for them) BUT he is not very good at listening in the first place, so he doesn't HEAR me tell him about them until I tell him like 8,423 times. If he could hear like your husband, and remember like mine, he would be one great guy. Is there a mind-meld for that, do you think? Or could we invent one in time for Father's Day? I suspect we could make a fortune...

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

This is even funnier in light of the dialogue I've added to my "Saturday Snippets" post that I work on all week. Suffice it to say you're husband's not the only one and when your oldest son is graduating from high school you might want to tattoo the date on his forehead!

Anonymous said...

Us guys really don't have to remember anything because we KNOW, no matter what, we'll be reminded of what "she who must be obeyed" wants us to do/think/whatever at any given time. I, for one, remember all the dates and times I am told but still hear it repeated many times before, after, and during the event.
If us guys didn't do what we do you gals would find something else to gripe about...take that back...you have plenty and we don't need to be reminded...(but we will be...).
-Picokid

Anonymous said...

BTW - I love this blog. 58 year old straight married white guy that I am find Ms. Farklepants a refreshing and engaging writer. I AM still a little angry I didn't get the See's chocolate certificate. No See's in Virginia.
-Picokid

Melissa said...

I think they're all like that. I send Mr. D emails at work all the time reminding him of IEP meetings, hair cut appointments, our kids' birthdays...

Marmarbug said...

I'd kill him. With a frying pan to the head.
I'd start calling him all day to remind him. All.day.long.

Inzaburbs said...

Mine started saying "just send me an email".
So I do, and then they sit there, unopened.

Our kids threw him a surprise "3 Years in the USA" party, complete with red, white and blue everything, and he thought we were celebrating our wedding anniversary, which we had already celebrated two months previously.

But he is such a lovely person that we really can't hold a grudge :-)

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Hmmm. At least he seems very accepting of his complete inability to remember anything....I guess you'll just have to make peace with it, too.

Once I called my dad a day late to wish him and my mother a happy anniversary, and he was very upset with me. Because he was counting on my usual timely phone call to remind him.

Undomestic Diva said...

S.e.r.i.o.u.s.l.y.

You know this is why I refer to my husband as "Candy Ass" right?

It sounds to me that your Mr. is like my Mr. in that for being smart men, they can be really dumb sometimes.

(Or are they PURPOSELY doing this to us...? Hmm... Maybe we should call Chris Hansen of Dateline NBC and see if he can do an investigation.)

Chubby Mom said...

I had almost an identical conversation with my husband yesterday. I reminded him THREE times on Tuesday that The Eldest Child had a program at school on Wednesday morning. When I called work on Wednesday morning to find out if he'd be there I was told "Well I didn't know about it until this morning when The Eldest Child told me."

It's a good thing he was at work and I was at home or I'd be explaining a LOT to the police right now.

barbra said...

That would make me crazy.

Sue said...

ahhh... yes... sounds familiar. (And mine doesn't even kill spiders.) I'm thinking of trying text messaging. It will work once and then he'll probably start ignoring them.

Swirl Girl said...

i always give my hubby sh@t for remembering only what is important to him. classic passive aggresssive behavior that is. makes me seem like the proverbial 'ball and chain'. Hate that crap.

I just love your Farklepant-ed self!

www.swirlgirlspearls.blogspot.com

scargosun said...

Swirlgirl and I married the same guy...forgetful passive aggressive. He did paint the kitchen cabinets though.

Mr. Farklepants said...

There is a perfectly logical explanation I assure you, which I would be happy to explain...

If only women were rational :p

Susie said...

There does seem to be a fine line between gently reminding and harassing/offending my husband that I haven't quite figured out yet. You wanna hear about the time he forgot my birthday?

Jennifer H said...

The line I get is, "You never told me."

Uh, yeah.

I'll bet if you told him you wanted the sexy time tonight, he'd remember that!

laughingatchaos said...

I have a calendar above my desk that I print off of Outlook every other day. Have for at least a year. And my husband will still get irritated that something comes out of nowhere and he doesn't know about it. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's tired of being a personal secretary. ;)

Cheaper in Baht said...

I've come to warn: "The next woman who tells me how lucky I am to have him... GETS HIM!"

merlotmom said...

It's been 17 years of that crap. Now I just don't tell him and say that I did. Win/Win.

Perksofbeingme said...

you been married 11:11 - Make a wish!

The Girl Next Door said...

Sigh at least he admits it. By the time we divorced, I only ever emailed him anything, because if it were not in writing I therefore never, ever told him. Ever. Even it I had written it on the refrigerator "white board" AND on the kitchen calendar AND told him 48 times. At least the training has come in handy for the divorce. Now we only ever "communicate" (if that's what we're doing) by email.

BTW make sure you don't speak in compound sentences. I have yet to meet a male who ever hears both halves of the sentence....

Jason said...

Yeah, that's the thing about people who expect reminders. If YOU don't remind them, then it becomes YOUR fault that they forgot! That's so rude.

That's like at my house sometimes people expect me to wake them up and if I don't then they're late and mad that I didn't wake them up. Well, who woke ME up? ME! That's who! Wake your own damn self up.

katydidnot said...

you forgot "and then my head exploded". because it's either that or kick his forgetful ass.

OHmommy said...

I pin notes onto my husband's shirts while he is in the shower.

I kid you not.

And.

It totally works. :)

Madge said...

it's like they went to some secret school just to learn this stuff. or unlearn this stuff. i'm not sure which.

Your Pal Pinki said...

Men.
They're special.

EatPlayLove said...

Now Tootsie, I think you are slacking. I thought you would've wrapped a gift and delivered it for your hubby!

Karen said...

Could the man survive a day without you holding it together for him?

The Introvert said...

Ah yes. Hubby likes to state how independent he is and that he doesn't need nagging, but he wouldn't remember to wear pants or eat food if I didn't remind him. It's a vicious circle.

stephanie (bad mom) said...

We have become Outlook junkies; it's the ONLY way he [and maybe me] remembers the reminders. And when we sync our cell phones to the calendar, it's extra awesome.

I will send you a reminder for the piano wire.

Eve Grey said...

OH MY GOD, I'm SOOO glad i'm not the only one! And you still love him! My predominant thought during these moments is GET A WATCH AND A DAYTIMER OR RISK ME STRANGLING YOU!!!

JCK said...

I've got one of those large cable rolls over here!

Colleen said...

I get the excuse of "I don't have any missed calls" and I respond "you should have three missed called on your cell, with messages and 2 messages on your desk phone." Then he stammers and tell me his desk phone doesn't always ring. It's a losing battle. But I keep him around to get stuff from high shelves and pour me wine.

Jenny said...

Give me half your piano wire and I'll help you dig a grave for two.

IRISHKAT said...

Yeah, I feel your pain. I too married 'that' man and most days it drives me to drink. I even tried getting a huge dry erase calendar - at his request - and he still doesn't look at it!! Sigh....

Cheri said...

They're all alike. I just know it.