Monday, June 30, 2008

And Then She Peed on My Side of the Bed

Don't ask me what I did last Wednesday but I have an exceptional memory for recalling events from my youth. I impressed the hell out of my mother when I once described, as an adult, the exact floor plan of the duplex we lived in for the first couple of years of my life. Not only that but I remember precise details such as furniture arrangement and those cute little doors where the top portion opened independently of the bottom half and that my dresser drawers were built into my bedroom wall. That was the 1970's and it wasn't like it is now with digital cameras and unlimited photographs to piece together such recollections. There are precious few photos from that era. I just remember. I also remember when I was four years old my parents brought me along to the drive in to see a charming little movie called Bug were these cute little woodland creatures called mutant cockroaches were released from the Earth and started these adorable little things called fires. Like that one particularly cheeky roach that crawled in that lady's hair? Remember that one? And caught her on fire? Precious. Oh, I can joke about it now but for years I lived in fear that every bug that I ever encountered or imagined was going TO KILL ME.

I don't know how popular June Bugs are in your neighborhood but for those who aren't familiar, I'll explain: June Beetles, or Phyllophaga crinita [for you fancy Latin types and sexy Rhodes Scholars] are smallish, flying beetles that still exhibit prehistoric attributes such as their hard candy shell and dimwittedness. Their purpose in life seems to revolve solely around the attractiveness of a porch light, landing upside down; and after a series of convulsions, dying. What a fabulous and necessary creature! Ahem. So it wasn't long after seeing that movie that a screenless window was left open in the bedroom that my baby brother and I shared. I opened the door to find hundreds of these critters swarming the light fixture and I've been pretty much scarred ever since when it comes to all things bug.

When I was eleven I saw The Exorcist at a friend's house. I slept with my mother for two weeks and made her promise to wait until I fell asleep in my own bed for two weeks following that. Yes. I was eleven and sleeping with my mommy. It was The Exorcist. I don't really feel the need to justify anything, I think you'll agree?

Almost two weeks ago, the kids and I sat down one afternoon on one of those 114 degree days, and watched Beetle Juice. For the next week Girl-Child slept in our bed. And for the week following that has been an exercise in patience on our parts and SO MANY TEARS and FEARS on hers to sleep in her own bed because, she says "I don't like being with myself and the ghosts in my head". Translation: She doesn't like being alone and she's seeing ghosts. And I wonder if she'll remember just as vividly the first movie that scared the CRAP out of her. Because it certainly wasn't any of the other movies she's seen like Beowulf or any of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, or Harry Potter movies, or any of the Lord of the Rings trilogy - which, HELLO! Grendel? Captain Barbosa and his ghostly crew? Lord Voldemort? Smigel? Its scares meee's. - Damn you Tim Burton and your nightmares!

So Saturday night, naturally, I decided it would be alright if I took Boy-Child#1 along with me to see The Happening. Figuring if I was his age when I saw The Exorcist (EXORCIST!) then this? Not. Even. Close. Could I get "You couldn't have been more wrong" for $500, Alex? Sigh. Good grief. You all know that there's something wrong with me, right? Parenting: Trial and error. Lots of ERRORing going on HERE.

27 comments:

jenontheedge said...

My girls are such fraidy cats that they haven't seen much of anything. Not "The Wizard of Oz." Not "Pirates of the Carribean." Nada.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

I've heard The Happening was really scary. Scary scares me.

I'm feelin' ya.

The Sharitz Family said...

When I was about 5, my mom told me what, when in a car, if you run over a snake it will wrap itself around the axle, hide in the wheel well, and bite you when you get out. That crap sticks to you- I can totally sympathize with you and the bug thing!

standing still said...

I hate horror flicks (the worst I ever say was the original Halloween with Jamie Lee Curtis), so the genre is just not on my radar. Knowing that, I haven't even introduced the idea to Teen/Child. Hell, I won't let him watch BOXING on sports television ...

Queen Goob said...

It was Jumanji for my kids....WHAT?!?!?! It just animals running around town, guys! But as teenagers, they LOVE scary movies so never fear, mom, the good times are yet to come.

BTW - did you like the movie? Markie is my secret boyfrined so I HAVE to see that one.

Greta said...

My folks totally took us to see Jaws, the Exorcist and Rosemary's Baby. We were kindergarten-y. Awesome!!!

JoeinVegas said...

There is sometimes a reason for the PG13 rating.

Marmarbug said...

Shoot I saw the Exorcist when I was like 18 (I had avoided it like the plague until then) but wanted to see what the hype was about. BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER. I slept with all of the lights on after that.
And I was grown!!!
I will not go see The Happening due to my chicken ways.

HRH said...

I will try to learn from your mistakes so they aren't in vain...

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I'm still wondering whose genius idea it was to take me to see Willard when I was about 7. Talk about your permanent mental scarring.

dorothy said...

I saw the movie Ransom when I was like 7 and have been DEATHLY AFRAID of being kidnapped ever since! Thanks a lot, Mel Gibson!

stephanie (bad mom) said...

Hey, I saw The Exorcist at 10 and vowed to never ever miss Sunday school again lest I be possessed by the devil. Good times.

I'm sorry you didn't see my review of The [Un]Happening before you spent your hard-earned money. I, too, love Mark (back off Queen Goob; he's my 2nd husband) but wish I had watched the "Good Vibrations" video a thousand times instead of that bad, bad movie.

Moral: Parents scar their children at some point; might as well get it out of the way early.

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

Oops. I'm still too afraid to even consider watching The Exorcist. And, The Happening? Looks terrifying. I hope you get him to calm down soon.

Great people to give the award to!

laughingatchaos said...

I saw Poltergeist when I was about 8 or 9 or so and it still freaks me the heck out.
My sons? Until just recently, all movies freaked them the heck out. Now they're good...and want to see a gazillion of them this summer. My wallet whimpers...

EatPlayLove said...

My 4 year old loves Scooby Doo, then she complains all night about having bad dreams. Aye Aye Aye.

Jaws scared the crap out of me as a child.

ALF said...

I can't watch scary movies even now. If I have chilren who want to see them, their father will have to watch with them.

Eve Grey said...

Oh I am the biggest chicken shit EVER & so are my kids.
I slept with the covers around my neck for about 4 YEARS after seeing Dracula & i was a teenager!
K, I just decided I'm going to copy and do my own post on the multitude of my fears.

Denise said...

When I was little I remember watching "Mommy Dearest." Scared the crap out of me.

JCK said...

My sister's never forgiven me for dragging her to the Wizard of Oz when she was 5ish. She peed her pants in the auditorium.

Yes, they'll hate you for life. ;)

San Diego Momma said...

I love scary!

And so does my four-year-old...but I don't want her to turn into a freak like me, so I try to avoid those movies.

Was it good? It sounded spooky...but M. Night has been of the suck lately, so I wasn't sure...

Deb
sandiegomomma.com

Mrs. G. said...

You watched the Exorcist when you were eleven? Holy hell, I can't even think about that movie and I was an adult when I saw it. I think this explains a lot of your problems.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I'm mostly a fraidy-cat myself, I'll enjoy an action/adventure film, but Scream, Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, the whole lot of them are FORBIDDEN in my presence.

Bonnie the Boss said...

I agree parenting is one big trial and error. My oldest is always telling me what I am doing wrong. I inform him that I am still learning and that he can do it his way when it is his turn.

BusyDad said...

Luckily as bloggers, our errors can be thrown into the communal pot. I will not take my 6 year old to see the happening, nor will I rent beetle juice. And my contribution? Watch out for random kung fu experimentation after watching Kung Fu Panda. I know you don't have a crotch in the same way I do, but I'd imagine it's still not comfortable to be whomped there.

calicobebop said...

I saw the Exorcist when I was 17 and insisted that my little sister sleep with me for at least a month. One does not mess around with the Exorcist. Incidentally, that was the first and last horror movie I have ever (intentionally) watched. Scarred For Life.

ekbetsy said...

If it makes you feel any better, I had night terrors as a child and made my mom wait until I fell asleep until I was about 10.

Also, I'm a big weenie when it comes to scary movies. I watched most of the Sixth Sense with my eyes closed, and it was probably the least scary scary movie ever.

Colleen said...

I didn't see The Exorcist until college and it scared me silly! And I don't think I need to go into details about how scared I was after watching Rosemary's Baby in high school, or the time in college when I was stupid enough to watch Silence of the Lambs while home alone...so scared that I couldn't walk to my bed...so I slept on the couch.