Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Not Your Sunday Morning Religious Stop Motion Animation

Ohhh Davey, we're discussing this sleeping apparatus:

When you watch cable television you are witness to local retailer's commercial spots. And then you're introduced to blog fodder such items as a ridiculously huge mattress with an equally insane price tag. This mattress, from Living Spaces, measures eight feet. EIGHT FEET! Which I guess would interest those whose children still share their bed with them, or if you're married to Shaquille O'Neal, are the Incredible Hulk, or are not even kidding about your personal sleeping space, or suffer from GIGANTANISM [that's right spell check, there is no alternative so sayeth I]. If you're a professional basketball player you probably wouldn't balk at the Goliath's $4490.00 price tag and the additional $500.00 if you'd appreciate a base to go with it; because if you're a professional basketball player you probably don't have to add a wing to your house to accommodate such a behemoth.

The real question here is: where does one find sheets for this bitch? Where is the tarp that David Copperfield covered the Statue of Liberty with when you need it?

p.s. If I haven't been by your blog lately I apologize. It isn't intentional I've just overextended [in a good way] myself volunteering in the classrooms. I lamented to Mr. Farklepants that it's like having a job but not getting paid. To which he replied, "that's pretty much the definition of volunteer". I'm kinda fond of him. It's a shame I'm going to have to destroy him.

38 comments:

Undomestic Diva said...

That bed was made for Saturday mornings when all the kids show up to sleep with you. Which, of course, means you're not sleeping with your husband. Which, of course, is either brilliant birth control or a pain in the ass, depending on your mood & time of the month.

calicobebop said...

Is it a bed or a rescue boat on the off chance that one's house floods?

standing still said...

I'm thinking ... aerobic sex. Get a running start.

Natalie said...

i just choked on my on saliva at standing still's aerobic sex remark. get a running start...hahahahahahaha

i can't even imagine a bed that big.

still giggling...

O'Neal (The woman in charge around here) said...

And here I was doing SO well NOT remembering & missing & feeling badly for turning my back on my old California King Wave Less Water Bed...thanks! Here come the water works, wait! That reminds me WHY I don't have my giant accommodates family of 9 bed anymore! Ok, I'm over it.

I was marveling at that monster you were talking about and was all JINX! (heeheehee) thinking about the sheet situation too. I bet the SAME company sells them for like a thousand bucks a pop. I think that's close to what Shaq said he pays for his custom made sets on MTV cribs. I just wonder about his wife, those babies she's been birthing are HUGE!

Oh, and thanks for all the volunteering! I've been thinking about the circle of life lately and am convinced women everywhere are picking up slack for one another ;). Even in the class room!

Debbie said...

I'd like to put one tiny plug in for keeping Mr. Farklepants. He did give us that snapshot of that license plate last week and that one thing along should buy him a wee bit of time.

Nap Warden said...

I could run my marathon on that bed;)

I hear you on being behind...I'm in the same boat...errr bed!

dorothy said...

I totally saw that commercial and said the same thing about that beast of a bed! Where would you get sheets? And omg, really? $4490?

smalltownmom said...

As teacher's aide, I say Thank you Thank you to all the parent volunteers.

Autumn said...

And they say Kings are a marriage killer? Whew, that's some serious spaceage right there. We could really fit all of the beings (me, John, dogs ...throw in the kid, and a partridge in a pear tree) in that sucker.

MamaHenClucks said...

I think that bed is bigger than my bedroom. I really would have to add on a wing to accomodate that.

Can I also add, that I LOVED Davey and Goliath when I was a kid?

Cheaper in Baht said...

Oh it looks like FUN to me!

The Glamorous Life said...

So I would LOVE to watch me some Davey and Gloliath on Sunday morning. And my mom would come in the room and say 'that is a churchy show ya know" and I would be in total denial and say 'na-uh'...and keep watching. And on the preachy part I would turn it down. Yup...messed up childhood I would say.

AND-with a bed like that you could invite a few more people to sleep with you. I am just sayin.

Burgh Baby said...

It wouldn't matter. Regardless of how big a bed is, I still end up with the small army of animals, the kid, and the husband consuming over 95% of the surface space and me nearly falling out of the bed. And sheets? I can't even tell you the last time I actually got to tough those. Damn bed hogs.

Jenny said...

Hahaa! That is my DREAM bed. Okay, I am only 5'4'' but, I just adore sleeping in the "starfish" position. I have always wanted a bed that was so freaking big it made my bedroom a "bed-room." I'm going to have to do a lot of extra tap dancing on the corner though to save up for that bad boy.

Michelle said...

I like big beds, but DAMN! I can deal with a regular old king-size. We share a queen right now and we do fine, anyway, the king is just free...

Swirl Girl said...

I have seen that ad for Living Spaces -

I just paid off my king size Tempurpedic (totally awesome bed) so I know what a huge price tag for a good night of sleep is.

Why would anyone want such a big mattress? I don't want kids in my face and pets and sometimes even hubby.

g said...

Mr. Farklepants is adorable.

Mrs. G. said...

Holy hell.

Lisa Milton said...

I knew we should be drinking organic milk...

(The volunteering thing grows, I know. And the no paycheck thing can be a drag.)

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

Honestly, you could almost lay two of me end to end cross ways on that bed. That is ridiculous. I prefer my beds more in the $4000 price range.

KEEP BELIEVING

All Adither said...

Hey, I could use that.

hippo brigade said...

$5,000.00 for a bed the size of Texas? Hot damn, does it vibrate? Self clean? Drive your kids to school?

Michelle said...

I won't give specifics, but my job once took me to the home of an NBA player and his bed was a massive 10 feet by 10 feet.

Now that I reread that, it may appear as though I am a hooker. Even though the tax free dollars would be nice, I can assure you that said NBA player was no where to be found. I was only there for an inspection. Promise!

Elle Charlie said...

I'm not at all tall, but I want this bed. Then again, I live in a house with unnecessarily big furniture just because I kinda like feeling like I'm living in a giant world :)

MelADramatic Mommy said...

I was just complaining to hubby that when I get in bed at night my side is already warm because he's such a bed hog. His response? Stop coming to bed so late.

mommy2twinkies-Deb said...

Yea, we could use the extra room with the twins ... then there's those weekends that Munchkin is here too. 5's a bit much in a bed, but I think the sheet problem is just a bit too much for me.

katydidnot said...

that mr farklepants. he's a crack up.

Ilina said...

I'm thinking this is better than, "Honey, I've got a headache." You can alternately go with, "Whaaat? I can't hear you!"

Jason said...

I think I want that bed. I'd even learn to sew my own sheets.

If you ever get bored volunteering at your school, head on over across town to mine! I'd REALLY put you to work!

PS-Have you ever noticed that the blogger named "standing still" looks like Tori Amos?

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I have a hard enough time finding sheets for a regular--not California--king.

Sue said...

Even if I had that (beautiful) bed, my 9 year old would wind up on top of me.

Can't you petition for more hours in a day?

Colleen said...

I've missed you. And have been waaaay behind on reading folks, such as yourself, as well.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Well, if Sasquatch weren't happier sleeping in the forest...

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Blogging is almost a public service.

I'm with Elle Charlie- I'm into furniture that's way too big for no reason.

stephanie (bad mom) said...

The bed is fascinating, no doubt, but I really really hoped you would be talking about Davey. I was strangely drawn to his stop-motion hotness when I was a kid.

There is nothing wrong with me...

Marmite Breath said...

I'm with you on the volunteering thing. It's becoming much more than I intended, but I'm happy about it. Although, I'm not going to lie, I'd love to be paid, but then it would defeat the purpose.

disa said...

I love it ! Very creative ! That's actually really cool Thanks.