So, my friend and neighbor Jason over at The Jason Show wrote a post listing his favorite words. Take a moment to go say hi. I'll wait.... All I could think about while I read his post was the spelling homework Boy-Child#2 sometimes brings home where he has to write a paragraph using at least ten of his spelling words for that week. Which is basically what I said in Jason's comments:
**"Flibbertigibbet" . (editor's note: that is my favorite word which I don't use often because I'm afraid it would become one of those things like when you listen to a song too many times and you're like if I hear Rehab from Amy Winehouse just one more time I'll cut someone...)
The whole time I was reading your list all I could think about was one of those class assignments where you have to write a paragraph using at least 10 of your spelling words. And I was all, "The cantankerous neanderthal removed a bunion from his uvula with a spork, but it turned out to be a persnickety goiter."
I have issues.**
And then I followed up with:
**Because everyone knows that neanderthals didn't have uvulas.**
Then I thought to myself, what a dangerous off-handed remark! What if someone is writing their dissertation right now and is Googling information about this very thing and they find my quote and, godforbid! Cite it as a source and that person fails! Because what do I know about Neanderthals? Nothing, that's what. Except that it is considered an insult to call a man one in a heated argument or when trying to thwart his advances. In fact, I know more about uvulas, considering I have one, and I don't have a Neanderthal. I wasn't even positive about where he fell on the evolutionary chart and I totally had to look that up. Turns out I was way off in guessing his position; which is like at least two back from modern man. To throw me even farther (further? hhhhh...) off I read that human evolution "is better represented by a branching tree" and that Neanderthals are considered a "separate branch".
Then I was like, Neanderthal-uvula. Focus. I finally came across something that seemed promising [you know, about whether or not a Neanderthal had a uvula] but turned out it just mentioned an abstract about a paper from a doctor about the development of the human pharynx through evolution and how it disrupts sleep. And then I was all, I am not cracking open that medical journal.
Speaking of uvulas, did I ever tell you about the time that Mr. Farklepants pulled a splinter out of mine with some tweezers and a flashlight? And right now you're like, I don't think she knows what a uvula is and this whole post is not only embarrassing but TMI. But you would be wrong. We had ripped up some carpet in our old house to reveal the wood floors beneath and I must have inhaled microscopic wood. And I kept doing that horking thing like ggglllklack...ggglllkllack but that universal method for removing debris from your uvula wasn't cutting it. So Mr. Farkepants went in with the big guns.
That's love and trust right there people.
And no I wasn't on drugs when I wrote this post.