Wednesday, August 27, 2008

A Glimpse of My Neurosis


I once responded to a request for guest bloggers for a popular fashion magazine [I won't say the name out loud but it rhymes with "hammer"]. I sent the editor my contact information and a link to my blog and within the week, her assistant replied positively that I was chosen. She and I corresponded back and forth and I sent my post as instructed. I have no idea if there were just a couple of us who were selected or if everyone who responded was. What I do know is that was several months ago and my article never saw the light of day. To this day I check to see if it's been posted even though I know that what I wrote is no longer topical when it comes to fashion; they're not likely to highlight a piece about spring wardrobe with fall fast approaching. I'll never know if it simply wasn't what they were looking for, if they had enough fodder of their own and no room for mine, or if they thought it sucked boobies. Of course, because I'm me, I cling to the latter.

So, when Allison Worthington (aka Mrs. Fussypants) contacted me recently to invite me to be a contributor for The Buzz section of the Lifestyle Channel on the soon to be launched, and re-vamped online magazine, Blissfully Domestic, I?....freaked the hell out. As I am wont to do. And as honored and flattered as I was (and still am!), the flattery didn't prohibit me from retreating into my shell and sit on her email for a couple of days. I've mentioned before that I'm a worrywart and shy. So while I rocked back and forth and drooled a little during my anxiety attack, I criticized my own skills as a writer. Have you met my grammar's atrociousness?

I've never written for anyone or anything other than my own blog(s). It's one thing for me to write here and readers come of their own volition, but to write when someone is expecting something from me? Where I'm the creator of the piece and there are no right or wrong answers? I tend to freeze, flip out, and obsess. It's like when I was in school. I was not a math wizard but I could do it and it was easy because there were formulas and only one correct answer. If I made a mistake I could check it and see where I went wrong. In classes that were more creative where there were no right or wrong answers are where I had the most difficulty. Because I have this habit of over analyzing every detail. I make the simple, excruciatingly difficult.

Creative writing has always been easy for me, but because it came easy, I assumed there was something fundamentally wrong with the finished piece; because, why wasn't it harder? That was too easy. It must be wrong.

I accepted her invitation! But not before sitting on my hands to prevent myself from biting off all of my nails. Basket case, who?

36 comments:

seachange said...

Tootsie- Your writing and your style are superb!!! I'm not saying that just because I've known you for 5 yrs now. I'm saying that becasue I see talent, girl.

I've watched you grow and am so glad you had the confidence to say yes!

1blueshi1 said...

My hands, right now and always, look like they've been run through a paper shredder. REPEATEDLY. Or perhaps they look as if I feed alligators at one of those roadside places in Florida. WITHOUT GLOVES.
I love your writing and you are funny as hell!

O'Neal (The woman in charge around here) said...

We are our own worst critic, no doubt about it! But you are an awesome writer and no matter what the topic, I'm sure you'll knock em dead! Try pretending you are not expected to write and are writing in your own note to self journal....I know, easier said than done. I am the same way though, when it's my own creativity flowing at free will I'm fine, but when I know someone is expecting it- I freak myself out!
Good luck, I know you'll rock it!

PS - Have you tried Sally Hansen's Nail Biter? It looks like clear polish and is genius in concept! I even used it on the corner of my coffee table when my niece was teething ;).

Stacie said...

OBVIOUSLY, those people at hammer magazine can't read. and I'm SURE they didn't think that it sucked boobies! Just do what you do. Think of it this way, your post was never posted because the person who received your post forgot to post it. The higher ups realized that your post was never posted and were so pissed off that they fired said poster for not posting your post...ok, i need more coffee now...

Go for the race walking gold on blissfully Domestic...you so can do it!

Manic Mommy said...

Boy do I get that. I always thought I was a very good writer - and heard so from my very analytical not so creative co-workers. Now, in this forum. I know I'm middle of the pack at best.

You? Much higher up the food chain. Take a Klonopin and write on...

All Adither said...

Congrats! You'll do great.

Madame Queen said...

Yay, Tootsie! If it makes you feel any better, I do the same thing. I think we all do. But look at how your readership has grown. You're obviously doing something right.

Can't wait to see what you come up with -- it's bound to be good!

MamaMo said...

Congratulations!!

Allison said...

Congrats Tootsie! That's awesome news. I thoroughly enjoy reading what you have to say/ write. I don't think you suck boobies at all (unless that's something you wanted to do, then I guess it would be ok). Anyway...you're amazing and I know you will do such a great job writing for this magazine.

Lisa Milton said...

Congratulations! What great news. Now, stop biting your nails and get to work.

You're going to be fine.

Jennifer H said...

Thank goodness that, outside of math class, there's more than one right answer. Congratulations! She chose very well when she asked you, and I can't wait to see what you write over there!

MamaHenClucks said...

Well I'm excited for you. And a little jealous, too, although I would be doing the same thing that you are because I also assume no one wants to read what I am writing because I have trouble getting started, have trouble ending a piece and over analyze the middle. For four years I have been writing and not submitting proof articles to our local paper, wanting so badly to write on the OPED page but terrified they'll tell me no. GO FOR IT!!!!

Mekhismom said...

Oh my goodness -it is going to be great! Your writing is what draws readers here everyday. I can't wait until you start writing for BD. I will be cheering you on. Congratulations!

Sue @ My Party of 6 said...

Oh no - you ROCK! Don't think any different! I can't wait to have another venue in which to read you!

AGSoccerMom said...

Yay! You'll do great.

Undomestic Diva said...

You'll be fine.

And I'm also on BD, doing, of all things, crafts. Which is going to be hard to explain to my readers, given my blog name.

Clearly, I have not thought it all out.

See you on BD.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Was it Jammer?
Slammer?
Pajammer?
Yammer?
Fofammer?
Shazammer?

Madge said...

Go Tootsie. it's still a big deal at my blog when I get a comment from you -- you are that loved and revered. I know, you can die happy now, Madge loves you. can't wait to read more.

OHmommy said...

Congrats. Many congrats.

I am a huge worry wort myself and completely understand., You are a perfectionist and your own worst critic. People love you. You will be awesome. Can't wait to see it!

mysecondjournal said...

Awesome....congrats!

We knew her when :-)

San Diego Momma said...

Good for you!

That self doubt is so common among writers, of which you are one (a writer) (as I clearly am not after reviewing that horrific sentence).

Anyway. you were chosen for a reason! Enjoy and write on!

In other news, please tell me what I should wear for a fall trip to New York City. Links, photos, and tutorials would be welcome. It'll kinda be like that Glamour article, but for me. :)

I'm just kidding kinda.

Alli {Mrs. Fussypants} said...

I recruit ONLY the best!

Blissfully Domestic's Blissful Buzz is luckt to have YOU!

You rawk mah sawks, woman.

xoxo.

PS- I hear "Shazammer" is on the decline anyhow. Terrible editing decisions. ;)

Marcy Writes - The Glamorous Life said...

Congrats and happy to know you will be on the BD with me. It is exciting huh?

Indy said...

Totally understand why you are freaking out. I am so happy to know that I am not the only one who has no idea what magazine youare talking about. Good luck and keep us posted. You will be great!

the fan said...

You will be just fine..take a deep breath..you can do this. As a matter of fact, IF you had NO doubts you should be worried! That would be a sure sign you were narcissistic or something equally as horrid!!! (and you certainly are not)...you have a very quirky, refreshing style. Hop to it and know we are all cheering you on!

ALF said...

Ohh...that will be so fun. You'll do great!

Nap Warden said...

Yeah for you! You'll be great!

LaskiGal said...

Be confident. Be you.

And, as Fussy said, she "recruits only the best."

Now, go get 'em!

g said...

but you're a fantastic writer!

Live.Love.Eat said...

Congratulations!!!!!! You deserve this as you have a very unique and hilarious way of bringing the mundane to life.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Congratulations you neurotic mess you!

texasholly said...

Yeah! I am so glad. I am still on the rolls as an occasional contributor to Home and Garden so we can hang out all diva there together. I have exactly the same response to an article that is supposed to contain ACTUAL information, not the made-up crap I post on my own blog daily.

Mel, A Dramatic Mommy said...

You go Tootsie! The came to YOU so stop beating yourself up. And thanks to San Diego Momma for clearing up that rhyming mystery. I feel totally stupid right now.

Angela said...

oh, how wonderful!! Has your article come out yet??

Loralee Choate said...

That is totally sweet. You'll be fabulous.

dkuroiwa said...

Go Tootsie~~~Go Tootsie~~~~!!
Your writing is so great...you crack me up...will you still come back and post for us when you get all totally famous over there?!?
Sit down at that computer and start kicking some butt and taking names, babe!!!