Friday, August 8, 2008

I Should Have Worn My Blog Header Around My Neck for Emphasis

I know Chuck E. Cheese's is the place where a kid can be a kid [the song tells us it must be so] but does that mean a parent should begrudge an opportunity to teach their children how to behave in public? For instance:

Exhibit A: if (what appears to be) your four year old is standing up in the booth eating veggies that are dripping in ranch dressing landing in glops unbeknownst to the person sitting in the booth behind them; shouldn't you ask them to sit down? Or at the very least, turn around? Thank you so much Ma'am for the stain on the seat of my son's shorts. If you got a handle on things maybe you wouldn't have ended up with that cherry tomato in your hair. Just sayin'. I'm also sorry I snorted when I laughed. I rarely do that.

Exhibit B: The game tokens on our table do not belong to your son. Neither do our drinks. I also see him stealthily eying our winning tickets. I'm watching him. Are you?

Exhibit C: The Skee-ball, um, balls are meant to be used for the Skee-ball game only. Not to be rolled down the slide where another child is waiting to take one in the face. New teeth are expensive, yo. So are noses.

Exhibit D: No. Your toddler is not laying on the ground having a fit. She's there because her big sister pushed her down. If you were watching you would know this. I was and it happened three times on my watch.

Exhibit E: The carousel pony is roped off with crime scene tape because either it killed someone or it's broken. Or both. It also means it is off limits. Even to your child, lady.

Exhibit F: Who's in charge of the larger boy who pinned the smaller boy to the ground and smothered him with his own sock? Oh wait. Those kids are mine.

Exhibit G: Someone fortheloveofgod change that child's diaper! He's smuggling a rotting corpse in those Huggies and crop dusting the entire establishment. [I know this doesn't count towards the child's behavior but ohmystinkinheck! What are they feeding that kid?]

Exhibit H: One flying pizza slice spotted and clocked at 40mph. May have had a propeller.

People watching and passing judgyness from my super special terrific judgey chair. America's favorite pastime.

62 comments:

Your Pal Pinki said...

My kids are almost to the age where they don't want to go to Chuck E Cheese because of all the annoying kids. I said almost.

Jennifer H said...

Can we get crime scene tape around all the Chuck E Cheese's everywhere?

It was worth asking...

Undomestic Diva said...

See.

And people think I'm a bad mom for not ever having taken my kids to Chuck E Cheese.

Don't.Have.The.Patience.

It causes a road-rage-ish like feeling... but with colorful plastic balls.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

I knew there was a reason we never go there.

Rebecca said...

We recently had a crappy Chuck E Cheese experience too. It was traumatic.

seachange said...

When DD was in the CEC phase, I would dip her into disenfectant when she came home. :-)

Geekgrl64 said...

OMG! I thought I was the only one who watched other people's children not being watched by their own parents!

My child is 13 and I no longer have to go to Chuck E. Cheese, but I totally feel you on your observations!

Stephie Moo said...

love it :)
(and did you ever wonder if the balls in the "ball crawl" are cleaned? it creeps me out a little bit and makes me want to throw up in my mouth.)

hulagirlatheart said...

I refuse to go back to Chuck E. Cheese until they start selling margaritas.

Indy said...

My son's birthday is there in two weeks. I have a friend that refuses to go there. She has never stepped foot at Chuck E. Cheese's. I can't wait to see her face after the whole experience.

Denise said...

I am sooo glad we are about done with Chuck E. Cheese. Not gonna miss it one bit!

Anonymous said...

What you described is exactly why I'm happy to be 57 years old. "That ship has sailed" and I would rather get my eyes poked out than have to go to there again. However, when a certain first grandchild invites me, I'm sure I'll attend with glee. Hopefully, I'll be senile by then!

Dawn in Austin said...

OMG, I haven't been to Chuck E Cheese in forever! Now I remember why. My kids are all grown now and I'm hoping they'll be outlawed by the time I have to venture in for a grandkid's birthday party. I think I'll just park my RV in the parking lot and drink. :)

Burgh Baby said...

The only thing that makes me want to cry more than a trip to Chuck E Cheese is when Blogger eats my original BRILLIANT comment and forces me to try again and it's Friday so I can't use my brain so ARGH!

Jamie said...

Girl - that was the funniest thing I have read in a long time! Fightening...because I try to console myself by believing that people are not actually watching MY kids or me as I tear around behind them screaming and slapping. So thanks for the reality check. ;-) Hilarious...because, well...it's someone else's kids!

Karen said...

And these are the reasons we don't do Germy Cheese. Well, sometimes daddy does, but he's actually a 12 year old boy in a man's body.

Amy said...

I hope all these things happened the last time you went to Chuck E Cheese and that you didn't torture yourself by going again so soon!

And like I said before - these are all of the reasons I don't visit that establishment unless forced to.

Lynette said...

Thank Goodness my brats have gotten old enough that they don't want to go to Chuck E.'s...OR don't want to go WITH ME. (yay!)

HappyHourSue said...

Birthday Invitation:
Where: Chuck E. Cheese
RSVP: Sorry, we can't make it.

Melissa said...

God how I hate Chuck E. Cheese. I swear they should hand out valium to the parents as they enter the building.

Country Mouse City Mouse Indy said...

I don't WANT to go to Chuck E Coli, ok? Oh, and that horse was roped off b/c some kid barfed in the motor, no joke.
The view from my Judgey Chair is great. Yours?

koehmstedt said...

Chuck E. Cheese scares me. I love the part about the police tape and the flying pizza - LOL.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Chuck E. Cheeses is Satan in a rat costume. I'm certain of it.

Love your Judgyness.

apathetic bliss said...

Holla grrrlfriend!!! I was also about to throttle an unruly child yesterday ....and then got to work on the "responsible adult" with him.. aren't our judgey chairs comfy though?

smalltownmom said...

Thank god we've moved beyond the Chuck E Cheese stage, that's all I have to say.

Oliver Rain said...

Oh, we went to Chuck E Cheese last year. It was loud, it was insane, I was unhappy. I almost left and went to the casino next door. I don't even gamble. That's how bad it was.

Laura said...

Laughing my butt off at your post and all the comments. I can laugh because I don't have kids. This is another reason that makes infertility not quite so bad after all.

Marmarbug said...

Oh god. Chuck E. Cheese. That place gives me nightmares.
I like it best when I save kids from the flying machine. Bean loves it and there is ALWAYS a kid that tries to climb under it right before it lands. It says in big letters (Do not touch when in operation) there are no parents around when this occurs.
So I step in.
Nice. This isn't a drop off joint.

jenontheedge said...

Gawd I hate that place with the passion of a 1,00 white hot suns.

If, for some reason, you did find me on the premises, however, I'd end up blogging the same thing you did.

Live.Love.Eat said...

LOL on exhibit F & G. I've gone to that place at 9am on a Sunday just to avoid the crowds. It was just me & my 4yo in the whole place.

Helena said...

Hi Tootsie,

I'm a big fan of your blog. Loved this post so much I have linked you.

All the best,
Helena

Maura said...

That's almost enough to make me want to go witness the insanity.

Well, not really.

Okay, not at all. But I appreciate your reporting on it!

Texan Mama@WhoPutMeInCharge said...

Okay, am I the only one who realizes that if you are a pedophile, Chuck E. Cheese is the perfect place to hang out??? MOMMIES DO NOT GO THERE. Think about it... you're busy watching one child while another gets out of your eyesight... the big gigantic maze goes on forever with lots of "blind spots"... everyone there is a stranger.... no one can even keep track of their own kids, let alone someone elses. BTW they don't have to leave the store to take advantage. Don't mean to be too scary but it's something to think about!

scargosun said...

You have convinced me NEVER EVER to go there.

Mekhismom said...

I love exhibit F. You made me choke on my own spit. Damn.

Colleen said...

My kids haven't been there yet.

Wait. No. Gavin was there, the day that Cooper was born. Our friends brought him there. But he has never mentioned it or asked to go back. And I'm keeping it that way as long as I can (plus? the expense?? no way! I know my dad only did it out of divorced-dad guilt)

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

Something tells me if you would have worn your blog header around your neck, toddler-on-the-floor-mama would have aksed for her child's espresso and pony-mom would have asked for the puppy.

KEEP BELIEVING

JoeinVegas said...

OK, out of all of those I see an admission in one. How many others are more directly applicable?

AGSoccerMom said...

I absolutely hate it when parents don't watch their kids. My fav is watching them walk a busy street with the toddler or youngest next to the street while they safely walk inside.

AGSoccerMom said...

Oh I forgot to add this, I think you should make that banner into a t-shirt and sell them, I would buy one for this years soccer season.

EatPlayLove said...

I've never taken my girls to the Cheese. My hubby took our oldest once to a birthday party.

I don't think I could handle the place, well without putting surgical gloves on my entire family first. Now there's an idea.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

This place is the Third Circle of Hell for all of those reasons. I HATE that place with a PASSION.


And I think all of those very same things happened the last time I was there--it's a time warp continuum fueled by blinking lights and bad pizza.

Auds at Barking Mad said...

Ahhh yes, several of the supporting reasons why I'll never step foot in another Chuck E. Cheese in my life!

Shirley said...

I used to work at CEC, and you hit it right on the head! Great post, gave me a much needed giggle! Thanks

Karen said...

People watching doesn't get any better than CEC.

This Mom said...

For those reasons and oh so many more, we only go to THAT place on a Monday or Tuesday. And we have to be there by 5:00 at the latest. Here that is when the place is EMPTY. So the kids have it to themselves, it is still fresh and clean(relatively), and we are out of the door by 6:30 when the crowds start rolling in.

kia (good enough mama) said...

I've seen all of these. At least twice.

What's with the smelly diaper thing, anyway? How is it that parents can't smell their own kids' crap? Disgusting!

g said...

this is why I never have darkened the door of a Chuck E Cheese's.

Must check with 20 year old to see if he actually attended any birthday parties at one.

I do recall a couple of laser-tag parties at the Fallbrook mall when he was 8 or so......

Jason said...

And yet we keep going back. . .

Jaci said...

Ha! You must have been at the ghetto Chuck E. Cheese! Wait--maybe all the ghetto parents just end up there? Hmmm. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

JCK said...

Chuck E. Cheese was invented to torture moms everywhere.I've been once. I'll never go back.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I always loathed Chuck E. Cheese. I let my kids be kids at the park--the park didn't give me tension headaches!

Kristi said...

Sadly, I often snort when I laugh.

You're a better woman than I am, because I would have give the woman a "whatfor!" I can't STAND bratty kids, and now that my kids are (for the most part) grown, I can't remember a single time they ever weren't PERFECT in public. Hmmm, maybe that was my dreams. Still.

Kelley said...

Thanks for that! Reminders of what I have thankfully outgrown with my kids.

I do not miss that at ALL!!!

So I can sit and laugh the relieved laugh of someone going thru the horror of teenagers. It is hollow and manic and sounds a little scary.

Katy said...

CEC is evil. The only reason I could stand to go there was that they served beer. So SO glad that my kids, and I quote, "God Mom, We're SO TOO OLD for that place".

You should celebrate with a cocktail or four the day you hear that sentence - that's what I did.

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

I love CEC & we generally go early in the morning when there are fewer people there. I've seen it when it's insane. I understand your sentiment.

Backpacking Dad said...

Now you have me all hot for Chuck E. Cheese's. I want to sidle up to it and say "Hey, baby, I'm wearing my business socks, and you're wearing eight kinds of pizza and some of the nastiest diaper slop I've ever seen. Let's put on Spandau Ballet's "True" and groove."

mommypie said...

We live in a semi-rural town. In a largely rural state. We have satellite tv. With Chuck E. Cheese commercials.

If my four-year-old could go anywhere in the world, #1 is Chuck E. Cheese. #2 is Disneyland.

And that she calls it "Chuck E. Cheeses, where a kid can be a kid," is just wrong.

Manic Mommy said...

We've managed to avoid Chuck E Cheeses for going on six years now. HRH is all about the commercials but he also really likes the rastafarian cinnamon commercial.

So I bought him the damn Apple Jacks and (hopefully) myself some more time.

Mel, A Dramatic Mommy said...

I can't stand that place. My son loves it (for the Star Wars game). It seems they are magnets for people who use it as a babysitter. My judgey chair has a built in heater and vibrating massage. I may never leave.

Anonymous said...

Why in the goddess' name would you even think of going to a Chuck E Cheese?

Playgrounds are playgrounds; restaurants are restaurants.

Ringleader said...

Oh man- glad to hear I am not the only one thinking many of the same things from her judgy seat (love that!) There is a reason Chucky Cheese serves beer... alas, I am a Mormon, so I just nurse my Diet Coke and try to pretend that the ball pit probably doesn't have a dried up puddle of pee at the bottom.